Neal Ozano

I’d like to whine that it’s not fair, or that there was some judging bias, or something like that.But Canada got second because the Chinese women are good divers. They’re small, and they’re shaped like they’ve been flattened out with a planer. And they have good control, good rotation and they fit between the molecules […]

Canadian Alexander Despatie cuts the water like a knife—and wins silver with a 9.4 dive. China’s He Chong could have done a belly flop, or dove off the divingboard stairs onto the concrete for his final dive off the three metre board and still taken home a medal. Instead, he gets gold with a complicated, […]

Someone asked me yesterday, “What are the best olympic sports?” and I said “for Canada?” and I said “I don’t know. We’re not really winning anything.” and they said “No, dummy. What are your favourite olympic events?”Here’s what I would have said if I had thought about it then:1. Pole vault: Get over yourself, gravity. […]

…that Canada sucks at the Olympics this year? Can anyone even grab us a “Canadian Gold” (a bronze)? Remember that photo of all those Canadians, walking proudly into the opening ceremonies at The Bird Nest, hopeful, confident, well dressed, cocky…Well, they may have a little less wind in their sails now…Here’s a comparison, thanks to […]

Castro’s finest are duking out a silicone-shaking (fortunately, only sand) cold-war grudge match in the Beijing Volley-dome. American women vs Cuban. Who will win? Who will lose? Will Cuba be forced to capitulate and accept capitalism? Or will America honour the bet George W. and Castro made to take on communist social and political structures […]

AFP is reporting that pigtailed little Lin Miaoke, who sang at the opening ceremonies, was chosen for her looks by Chinese bureaucrats because the party thought the real singer, Yang Peiyi was too fat and had crooked teeth. In a rehearsal, China’s ruling Communist Party politburo, who came to check it out, said something along […]

I think the equestrian events are the most graceful of the whole olympics. Those huge beasts ridden by tiny characters in funny hats makes me wish I knew how to ride a horse. This in contrast to the marathon runners, who make me wish I didn’t have to do something so long and tiring as […]

MacDonald’s has absolutely lost their marbles. “Going for GOLD has never tasted so good” is the catch-phrase on an ad picturing a huge burger, giant fries, and a huge Coke. MacDonald’s, I’m certain, is the main reason Americans are doing so well in Beijing, what with 60 percent of their children unable to see their […]

The teletubbies are filling up the dead air at the fencing championships. What the heck is going on? Ah. nevermind. The French women’s fencing champion just ran the green one thru. If only, though. I’m beginning to realize that if CBC Radio had this much dead air, there would be nobody listening. It’s been Chinese […]

I think I know where this tiny island nation is investing their olympic energy.