Q My 13-year-old son came out to us this morning. He plans to tell his brothers in the next few days. We love and accept our son, and this news isn’t surprising (but when will the stereotypical neatness kick in?), but we do have some concerns. He has, apparently, already made the news public at […]
Dan Savage
Posted inLifestyle
Santorum’s frothy return
Q I remember reading your definition of “santorum”—“the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex”—when it first appeared. I remember thinking it was a cute way to make fun of a dickhead politician. I never thought it would go this far. But after Iowa, Rick Santorum is […]
Posted inLifestyle
Monogamish relationships work
Why do most people assume that all non-monogamous relationships are destined to fail? Because we only hear about the ones that do. If a three-way or an affair was a factor in a breakup, we hear all about it. But we rarely hear from happy couples who aren’t monogamous, because they don’t want to be […]
Posted inLifestyle
Get a dog, lady, not a boyfriend
Q I am a 25-year-old gay man. I consider myself very gay-positive and self-accepting. Although I have always accepted my homosexuality and never really felt bad about it, recently I have been going through a hard time psychologically because I’m exposing myself to very graphic homophobic online content. There are blogs, online groups and websites […]
Posted inLifestyle
Feeling guilty for having a “kink”
Q I’m a man who recently started seeing a wonderful woman. Like me, she’s divorced. While my ex-wife left me for another man, my girlfriend’s ex-husband was controlling and abusive. Our relationship is the opposite—emotionally, psychologically and sexually. Here’s the thing: His abusive behaviour is my kink—spanking. In all my past relationships, spanking was light, […]
Posted inLifestyle
Two is better than one—or is it
Q I’m a happily married woman. I have a great sex life with my husband of many years. He’s helped me discover things I didn’t know about myself sexually. The problem: Three years ago, my first love contacted me after 23 years. He was married at the time, although he didn’t want to be and […]
Posted inLifestyle
Some kinks are a “fetish too far”
Q I’m a 21-year-old woman from Canada who sleeps with other women. Two questions for you: 1. My LGBT friends and I disagree about what we girls who sleep with girls exclusively should call ourselves. Everyone else prefers “lesbian” and bitches at me for hating that word. Can’t I call myself gay? 2. I am […]
Posted inLifestyle
Don’t be subject to “batshittery”
Q I’m 26, straight and male. I consider myself a socially progressive person, have been a vocal supporter of LGBT issues since high school and was president of my college Gay-Straight Alliance. Here’s my issue: I fully support the trans community. I have numerous friends in varying states of transition and I’m 100 percent behind […]
Posted inLifestyle
Dan’s tips for first-time doms
Q I’m 21 years old and in a monogamous relationship. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and it was a really great experience. I was drawn to BDSM even before I began having sex, and he’s been happily fulfilling my needs. However, he revealed fairly early on that he also enjoys being submissive during […]
Posted inLifestyle
Sexually happy after marriage
Q I’m an evangelical Christian in a country where that is not a political statement. My husband and I have been married five years. We have great sex several times a week despite having two kids under age two. We get along so well that even a couple of my atheist friends have admitted they […]
Posted inLifestyle
Never contact a truly crazy ex
Q I am marrying a man with two children, a boy and a girl, and we want to include his children in our wedding party. My best friend and maid of honour works as an escort. You and I agree that prostitution should be legal and that sex work shouldn’t be stigmatized, Dan, but the […]
Posted inLifestyle
Ovulating makes me find you hot
Q I broke up with a girl who wasn’t hot enough for me. I tried my whole life to not be that kind of guy. I treated her carelessly because she wasn’t that important to me. I was self-indulgent and rude and disrespectful, and it made her cry. She’s perfectly attractive, but not in an […]