Q I just started an intense relationship with a guy who has a boyfriend. This guy and I love each other. However, he is uncomfortable with me meeting his boyfriend. I’ve asked if it’s OK that we’re fucking, and he said they’re in an open relationship so it’s OK. I asked if it’s OK that […]
Dan Savage
Posted inLifestyle
A history of violence
Q I am a 17-year-old girl growing up in an adoptive family in Australia. I was sexually abused by my birth family, and I think it really fucked up my sexuality. The only thing that gets me off is the idea of people absolutely destroying their lives for an orgasm. I started with mild S&M […]
Posted inLifestyle
Butt for the flared base
Q At a dinner party, a straight man put a question to my boyfriend and me. He assumed that we, being gay men, would have an answer for him. We did not, Dan, and so we turn to you. What happens to one if one has to fart while one is wearing a butt plug? […]
Posted inLifestyle
Poly wants all the crackers
A Sometimes I kick the proverbial hornet’s nest intentionally—”bullshit in the Bible,” for instance—and sometimes I kick the hornet’s nest accidentally. I honestly didn’t expect the outraged response I got after I wrote that poly wasn’t a sexual identity in the “sexual orientation” sense of the term. Some people identify as poly, of course, just […]
Posted inLifestyle
A swift kick to the senses
Q I am a 22-year-old straight female. I used to babysit for a wealthy family, but their children have outgrown babysitters. The dad of this family is very into martial arts/fighting and has invited me over several times for “self-defense training.” I have accepted his invitations a few times, and it has always started off […]
Posted inLifestyle
Gay-straight alliance
Q Reading you over the years has absolutely changed my mind on gay marriage. I wanted to let you know that. I also live in Maryland, and, as you know, we voted last week to allow same-sex couples to legally marry. I was excited that I got to vote for marriage equality in my home […]
Posted inLifestyle
The campsite rule
Q I’m a bearish 44-year-old who can’t get a hot Latin 18-year-old guy to stop sucking my dick. Craigslist was involved initially. But now he comes by for weekly sessions of mutual head and leaves immediately afterward. His round trip on the subway lasts longer than his stays at my place. He’s a sweet kid […]
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On saline solutions
Q So I was innocently browsing the personal ads on Craigslist and saw one from a dude who was looking to try “saline balls” for the first time. Having no idea what this was, I google-imaged it. I pride myself on being unshockable, but I was completely and utterly mortified at what I saw. Yet […]
Posted inLifestyle
The myth of pornography
Q What do I say to my straight 14-year-old son about porn? Should I say anything? My sister tells me that all the research shows my son has been looking at porn for three years already. Am I too late? –Distressed Anxious Dad A According to The Today Show and the Boston Globe and the […]
Posted inLifestyle
Savage Love
Q I’m pro-choice. The anti-choice position— particularly the dumb contention that “personhood” begins when sperm hits egg—is illogical and unappealing. It’s not the most unappealing quality I can think of in a partner, though—that would probably be dishonesty. Your advice last week to the young woman who discovered that her boyfriend is anti-choice was terrible. You […]
Posted inLifestyle
My boyfriend is anti-choice
Q I recently discovered that my boyfriend of seven months and I have opposing viewpoints on the whole “life begins at conception” issue. He’s not a crazy zealot, but he is strongly against abortion. And while he won’t go so far as to say abortion should be banned, he does believe in the whole “personhood” […]
Posted inLifestyle
The lightning round
Last week, I appeared at a “Savage Love Live” event at Radford University in Virginia. Questions are submitted on index cards at SLL events, which allows questioners to remain anonymous and forces them to be succinct. The crowd at Radford was large and inquisitive. The students submitted more questions than I could possibly hope to […]