Lowefiles

Milk has gone up five cents a litre.
 In other news, there’s a crack in the curb at Barrington and Prince, and someone out in Tantallon might flood her backyard for a skating rink this week. 
 Honestly—five cents. How is this news?
 I mean, I get that this is going to affect the cost […]

OFFER: Nalgene water bottles. Various colours, sizes, conditions. Drop-off available. Look, I don’t know what you’re going to do with them. Store screws? Chill bacon fat so you can spoon it into the compost? Declare them found art? I don’t care. As long as they’re not going into the landfill. See, this is a pressing […]

Talk about a coincidence.
 On January 18, Edinburgh Street resident Louise Hanavan received a letter from the city telling her that her three chickens—“Bernadette,” “Captain Crochet” (so-named because she has a little hook claw) and the eponymously dubbed “Chicken”—had to leave their backyard coop, for being in contravention of Halifax’s Land Use by-law.
 This chicken […]

If you shoot someone with a Taser while you’ve got the soundtrack from Juno cranked to 11, does that mean you don’t hear the person scream? This and other questions I honestly couldn’t have imagined I would ever ask myself (also: is the verb Taser? Like, “Gah! Aagh! I’ve been Tasered!” Or Tase? Like, “Dude, […]

This just in from the what-the-fuck? files: China is banning plastic shopping bags.The country’s State Council struck up the new legislation last week prohibiting the manufacture, use or sale of flimsy bags (with a thickness less than 0.025 millimetres, if that means anything to you). Thicker plastic sacks are still kosher, but they must be […]

Here’s something you probably didn’t need confirmed by Paris Hilton: amateur porn is hot. Hilton’s homemade sex tape (which, in case you’ve been living off the grid, was accidentally-on-purpose posted on the internet in 2004 and later became an hour-long DVD release) took home three Adult Video News Awards, one for best-selling title of the […]

I’m convinced. If I just had the right alarm clock, it would be a whole lot easier to wake up in the morning. You see my reasoning here, of course: wake up more easily, have a better day, be a better me. BAM! Get the right clock and all my problems are solved. Enter Clocky. […]

I want Sandy. That’s not a statement. It’s a website. And I already have Sandy. What exactly I have, though, I’m not sure. “Hello, Lowe! Good to see you! How are you settling in? Please do drop my helpers a line if there’s anything you’ve been wishing I could take care of for you.” IWantSandy.com […]

Oh please, no, sweet jesus: not the man box. You know, the man box: those jewellery boxes that aren’t for jewellery (because only men who are homos wear jewellery, everyone knows that) but sit atop men’s dressers to hold pocket change and a watch. The man box has got to rank—along with teddy bears, Christmas-themed […]

Rene Angelil’s got my knickers in a twist. After Old Mr. Snooty McSnoots cancelled Celine Dion’s Halifax Common concert last week and gave as his reason the wounds inflicted by Halifax’s plentiful poo-pooing of his wife/employee, I had to sit down and ponder: are we mean? Or are we aptly critical, and just not very […]

You’ve heard of the million-dollar question. How about a $150,000 coincidence? I found one last week when the temperature dipped, I dug my skates out for their first-of-the-winter sharpening and put in a call in to Paul MacKinnon, executive director of the Downtown Halifax Business Commission and long-suffering Barrington Street booster. My question, in a […]

Now they’re going to charge us for riding our bikes. I am apoplectic. I am banging my head against the wall. OK council, don’t get your knickers in a knot. I know what Gloria McClusky told CBC: “We are not in a position where we’re going to bring licensing in for bicycles at this time.” […]