The Dandelion Report

What is it about the dandelion that provokes such irrational hatred in people that they poison the environment and break the law by dousing their lawns with illegal herbicides?

It is, after all, simply a flower. Not a bad looking one, at that. Like other wars we know about, getting the public roused up enough to participate in the War Against Dandelions requires an entire propaganda industry that spreads lies and insults about the flower.

But let’s step back and look objectively at the lowly dandelion. Weed? Tell that to the woman who sells bags full of dandelion greens at the Dartmouth Farmers Market. The greens add an interesting bitter taste to a salad mix, and while I wish the dandelion seller the best, I’m not sure why anyone would actually spend good money to buy them—you can collect them for free, just steps from your kitchen door.

There’s also dandelion wine. I haven’t actually had the pleasure of trying it, but I think I’ll soon try making some of my own. I’ll let you know how it goes. If it’s a hit, my personal switch to the homemade wine may put the local Port O’Wines franchise out of business.

Hmmm, reading through the Wikipedia entry for dandelion, I see that the French word for it is pissenlit, which translates as “piss in bed,” a reference to its diuretic effects. So, um, maybe just one glass of D-wine, thanks. The Port O’Wines management can rest easy after all.

One possible objection to the dandelion is that it is an invasive species—it came over from Europe with the cattle feed, or maybe because the Pilgrims were constipated (which would explain a lot, but I digress). But whatever harm it has caused is long since done, and there are so many other invasives that we don’t complain about—and even celebrate in our yards (hello, Ohio bluegrass!) – that it’s ridiculous to single out the dandelion in this regard.

Having said all this, I admit that my yard is dandelion-free, or nearly so. See, I’ve replaced about half my grass with vegetable and fruit gardens, and as part of my general garden weeding I attack the dandelions on all the property, lest they choke out my peas and lettuce.

Okay, I admit, that’s only a partial explanation. To be honest, there’s also the unstated social pressure from my neighbours—I’m not about to have the only dandelion-infested yard on the block. I’ve succumbed to the war propaganda.

But if I’ve bought in a bit to the irrational war fever, at least I’ve done it in a way that doesn’t actually harm anything. See, each morning, I make a quick two-minute pass around the house, pulling whatever “weeds” have popped up over night—dandelions, goat weed, and crabgrass. Two minutes, with one of those garden forks and a bucket. No chemicals running off to the harbour or into the aquifer, or for the kids to roll around on. Two minutes is the difference between an irrational, poisonous war and a harmless personal idiosyncrasy.

To those who douse their lawns with chemicals I ask: is the health of the planet worth two minutes of your time? I don’t know how people who use Round-Up and such can justify it.

I’ve received lots of email this week on the HRM’s pesticide bylaw. All the writers are solidly anti-herbicide/pesticide, and would like to see better enforcement. One, Kely, correctly points out that this is a provincial issue—only the province can ban sale of the chemicals in garden supply stores. The province of Quebec instituted such a ban last year, and it appears to be working fine, despite continued attacks from the chemical industry.

We’d be wise to jump into the battle, and work to ban the sale of pesticides and herbicides in Nova Scotia.

Now that’s a war I can support.

This article appears in May 31 – Jun 6, 2007.