50 shades of disappointed
I am the mother of a survivor of intimate partner violence. I have just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey. I was never interested in reading this book before or after my daughter’s experience, but since the movie has now been released and the subject matter is so mainstream, I wanted to have the right to have an opinion about it, so I read it.
How this book was ever regarded as a good read and became a bestseller, I will never understand. The writing is extremely immature. When I was a young teenager I remember my friends and I writing love stories about our favourite singers and actors: fan fiction, if you will. This is exactly how this book reads. The writer repeats words ad nauseum and can’t even describe the male lead as more than “An Adonis” or “so sexy, so good-looking.” The lead female refers to her genitals as “down there” countless times throughout the book. If you’re looking for a steamy read, there are much better writers out there.
Still this book, this movie, this phenomenon, is 50 shades of disturbing. Why? Because it is marketed as a love story/romance. For example, on the back cover the grab line reads, “A GoodReads Choice Awards Finalist for Best Romance.” Underneath the synopsis of the book reads, “Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.” As for the movie, it was released on Valentine’s Day.
With this marketing, young women/girls will be misled into thinking the relationship described in this book is healthy. But it most definitely is not. My daughter was in an abusive relationship. I have heard her experience and have done research on intimate partner violence. I asked my daughter if, knowing what she knows now, and having read the book herself, if young women/girls who have NOT been in an abusive relationship would be misled into thinking an abusive relationship is OK after reading this book, and she said, “Yes.”
There are countless examples of how the relationship in the book is about intimate partner violence/sexual assault/stalking/rape culture, and should not be seen as a romantic or healthy relationship in any way. He stalks her from the beginning by tracking her whereabouts, and is always saying that there is something about her, that he can’t leave her alone. He “charms” her mother by showing up unexpectedly while Ana is visiting her—and I can attest to being sucked in by the “charms” of the abusive boyfriend. He keeps her away from family and friends as much as possible. She cries constantly after being with him. One of her thoughts: “I don’t want him to beat me, is that so unreasonable?”
I’m not a prude, and I wouldn’t tell people not to read this book. I am, however, deeply disturbed by the marketing and targeting of this book and movie. One giant floor-model movie advertisement I saw recently has the female lead sprawled out provocatively in the male lead’s white shirt with an image of the male lead holding the tie he uses to bind her with the word, “Curious?” in the middle of the poster. Young women and girls will read the book and they will watch the movie because they will be curious, but it will be for all the wrong reasons. I truly believe it will lead to increased incidents of intimate partner abuse, especially in our young people. This scares the shit out of me. —Chris Hulme Colin, Halifax
It’s Sunday, not Gunday
According to a Canadian Press story that came out this week, Nova Scotia’s “government is considering lifting a ban on Sunday hunting. Under the Nova Scotia Wildlife Act, hunting is not permitted on Sundays, although Mi’kmaq can hunt on any day. The province says it is seeking public input on Sunday hunting.”
Sunday traditionally has been a day that families and individuals go hiking and take their pets along. It’s a day that we can feel safe in the woods. Fall weekends are the time Beavers, Cubs and Scouts can get into the woods to practice their outdoor skills.
I encourage you to vote NO to this idea on the government’s online survey, http://novascotia.fluidsurveys.com/surveys/OSR/sunday-hunting. Please vote as soon as possible and pass on to others. —Archie MacLean, Halifax
This article appears in Feb 19-25, 2015.
Chris Hulme Colin, 50 Shades of disappointment
You are personalizing this Movie and Book with your daughters own experiences, when in fact That is all it is, a Movie and a Novel.
You are not giving young women today enough credit, it is pretty obvious this is a story about ones sexual fetish, and what happens if you fall in love with someone that doesn’t share the same desires. Women today, myself included are very powerful & strong enough to say no thanks when it comes to domination in the bedroom.
This is all Christian ( male lead ) has known until he meets Ana ( female lead ). I would refer to Fifty Shades as a Romance because she has struck something within him that he hasn’t felt before ie: ” something about her he can’t leave alone ” .. You refer to this as stalking , I fear maybe you have never felt true Love ?
In closing, I think it is common knowledge this story is about Dominant / Submissive sexual preferences and in no way promotes or encourages partner violence/sexual assault/stalking or rape. But maybe I have more commen sense than the average?
“Laters, Baby “
It’s not the movie/novel that most disturbs me. It is the marketing that disturbs me the most. There WILL be girls and young women who won’t be able to tell the difference and when the unlucky ones end up in abusive relationships they may very well refer to this story and think that maybe they shouldn’t feel so bad and continue.
Yes, I know it is common knowledge that this story is supposed to be about Dominant/Submissive sexual preferences. I know what BDSM is. I know what fiction is. The story in this book is a classic example of an abusive relationship. Borrowing from a comment I recently read on Facebook, “If you remove the sexual component of this story, what you have is an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship.”
I do believe women today are very powerful and strong. If that weren’t the case, I sincerely believe my daughter would be dead.
As for having ever felt true love or not, that depends on your definition of love. If it includes stalking, violence, control, obsession, physical and/or psychological abuse, I fear my 23 year long marriage has never included any of these things.
Chris Hulme Colin