It has to be dark when I go down on my man because I do not want to look at his nasty, smelly, greasy, and long black pubic hair staring me in the face. —Disgruntled Girlfriend
This article appears in Jun 3-9, 2010.
Yucky!
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On on my friggin lunch break 🙁
Is it a personal hygeine issue or simply a revulsion to the male penissary area?….AND WTF AM I DOING EVEN ASKING?
You 2 hippies have a nice life, M’kay.
You’d go down on that fucking filthy pig? That’s not saying much about you, sweetcakes. And I’ll bet he doesn’t return the favour, either – probably whimpers that it smells too much like tuna left out in the sun.
Switch his body wash with Nair. Or better yet, send him to the Hill and someone else will go down on him.
OP , just tell him he wants a BJ…you want a quart of rum/vodka/whiskey/tequila FIRST.
after you drink that quart of your favorite beverage you will no longer care & probably will not remember the dirty deed either. So its a win win situation you don’t remember (so you can’t be grossed out) & we don’t get the gory details ~;|
PS OP, some good excuses are: “my throat hurts/I think I’m getting strep throat”, “I suddenly feel like I’m going to puke, and to continue in this action will only stimulate my gag reflexes more”, orrr “I have really sensitive gag reflexes”. But I guess if he is already your BF he knows about your gag reflexes so…that sucks (teehee!).
darkness won’t cover up the stench…it’s hard to hold your breath and do the dirty with his disgusting dong. just say no
Greesy pubes? Does this guy ever shower?? If they’re greesy, that goes to say they must be smelly too, and not just mildly! You really need to get some backbone; if he’s your boyfriend, then you should be comfortable telling him he needs a groom.
.
Shower with him sometime and make sure he’s actually washing his business. I’m sure he wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to soap your breasts.
“At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it”
Uhhh… isn’t a boyfriend pre requisite NOT having upchuck reflexes when you’re being intimate? That’s pretty fuckin’ nasty. Ask for a trim and cleanliness, if you can’t get that much out of him, time to keep looking, me thinks… gross, gross, gross…
sounds like a John and Yoko remake
Sounds like sebastian just offered to take care of OP’s problem.
Just tell him to shave. I shave and the extra sensations are a bonus. Maybe you could stuff shaving/waving whatever you do and see how he digs a furry hippy bush.
Shave it up and get back to us.
Maybe you need to do girls for a bit?
She leaves a token of your romance,
a souvenir that hops and crawls.
You bring the crabs home to your wife,
she stabs you with a butcher knife.
The Boulevard Of Broken Balls.
you are such a romantic admiral, thanks for the prose
Walken did it on SNL. I’m staggeringly unoriginal; my genius lies in knowing when to plagiarize. >; )
and honest to boot…i don’t remember that shtick
It was a takeoff of Bertholt Brecht and Kurt Weil. Walken in a trench coat and fedora under a lamplight on a misty street. Key in Boulevard of Broken Balls for the complete lyrics and possibly a video clip if they haven’t been yanked for copyright reasons.
And I always acknowledge my original sources; possibly the only thing I learned in college.
Ew,
Op, Have you ever tried telling your bf how you feel.
You know, instead of making up excuses for not giving him his bj, why not tell him why you don’t want to go down on him..i.e he needs to Shower & Shave. If he isn’t for that shit, well then you don’t have to go down on him. Simple.
If it’s a matter of just hating the idea of giving BJ’s in general, well then find something else to please the guy (hand jobs, toys, you know) just don’t expect him to go down on you either.
As fucking cliche and corny it sounds, sex is going to be a million times better if you can COMMUNICATE with your partner. Just Sayin.
i can’t get the jeopardy stuff anymore either
They need to put out a Jeopardy DVD. The lad I work with and I are always doing duelling Connery’s.
“Not sho fasht, ye mountebank.!”
that would be grey’t, i don’t mind paying for stuff that makes my gut hurt from guffawing
I’ll take anal bum cover for 300
It’s got nothing to do with snl or Walken but I was thinking of it today. Check out “German Forklift Safety Video” Apparently it’s a legitimate teaching video but made with a real Monty Python sensibility. Who says the Germans don’t have a sense of humor.
Trebek: My mother is in a nursing home in Alberta.
Connery: Oh, she was nurshing it, Trebek.
suck it alex
Shuck it long, Shuck it hard.
hey hon, i can fix that for you. i’ll shave if you wanna go down on me, seriously.but i like a thick bush on my partner.
And it appears burt reynolds has changed his name to “turd furgison”
But is she willing to help him shave. Get a mutual shaving party going on some bathroom fun. He shaves you and you shave him (and don’t forget his back).
I like the showering/bathing together idea. It’s intimate, and it’s an excuse for both of you to get squeaky clean before anything more interesting happens.
Now, with that said, wtf are you doing dating this guy if he’s so icky? @_@ I don’t understand.
that safety video made my day ivan, klaus didn’t learn too much…they must have watched monty python
It had Salad Days stamped all over it, nein? Glad I gave you a chuckle. My work here is done.
lol Nice Goin’ Fat. I wasn’t offering, was just telling her where to send him…..or even send him into Reflections blindfolded. I am sure someone in there will do the trick too.
The Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry David has a pubic hair caught in his throat throughout the show springs to mind. Hchhhhhhhhhh! Hchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
okay o.p., here goes, my mail is, gary_more@hotmail.com. this is your chance for fun and all kinds of games. be cool now guys, i keep tring, you all know that. my 7 year time is fast approaching here.
Vulcans, Lock up your daughters!. Suckulous is going through Pon Farr. He’s just so unmanageable when he abandons all logic.
So ask him to shave…
You don’t have to be all negative about it either. Don’t be like “Your pubic hair is gross you have to shave it.” Just tell him that smooth skin down there turns you on. Works like a charm.
Abandons logic? Have we seen the suck-man’s logic?? But it does seem like a particularly bad bout of Pon Farr. Thank god it’s only once every 7 years…
yes realm, but a vulcan year is a lot longer than an earth year. knew you would catch that comrade ivan.
Live Long and Get Some. >; )
the wants of the one, outweigh the needs of the many, but form a line, i’ll get to you a.s.a.p.
the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. man i’m a nerd
I was just picking, Sebastian lol
his pubes stink and you put his winger in your mouth, why the fuck would you? I’d tell him no eff’n way you stink dumbass !
That’s grossed !!..
lulu, that’s gross? does your man ever go down on you, if he does, then how can a dick be any grosser than a woman’s cunt. some of them smell like an old wet dog, but once you get past the smell baby, you got her licked. be a timex, take a licken, and keep on ticken.
yes LS, but the big question here is….
is it in the light or dark?
I mean, is not seeing any better?
really?
light, dark, who cares, those little furry things are all cute, whether shaved or bushy, they all have their individual assets. seriously, if and when i go down, i don’t give a rat’s ass is you are or aren’t shorn. hearts, stars, and other artistic endeavors get extra points.