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I’d like to extend a big “thank you” to whoever has been claiming our tiny front yard on Edward and Coburg as their dog’s daily outhouse all winter. It was weird to repeatedly wake up to footprints leading from the sidewalk to our windows, but now that the snow is melting it all makes perfect sense. We’re excited to clean up giant piles of your dog’s shit in the double digits because you’re consistently too lazy or unable to care after your pet. Maybe one day you’ll see us picking up after you and will decide to be a less crappy neighbour and offer to help. In the meantime, please consider swapping your dog for a goldfish. Or, better yet, a pet rock; those are even less responsibility. —Just Some Random New Neighbours
This article appears in Mar 12-18, 2015.
That pic looks like chocolate ice cream, yummers. I wonder who will be the first to try and lick their screens. Save the eyes for the last.
Well good morning everyone! It’s Friday which can only mean one thing: Spring has sprung!
Just checking in… I see Klyde has survived the week (must be that beautiful hair). We’ll do a role call later to check for any further casualties.
Don’t let your guards down, mind you… with a taste of flesh, godonlyknows that little poo ball may attack. Those are meth eyes! Klyde, I don’t see ice cream – more Jello pudding – but those jokes offend people with vaginas.
Anyhoo… maybe with the crocuses we’ll see some resurrections?!
In the interim, I have less than 2 minutes to call and learn how I can increase my mood, stamina and sexual energy… ANDROZENE!
RSVP
:Hing Frogg (03/20, 6.34AM)
Sir Frogg, if only you could have seen a pic of me after surviving winter Juan, you could have easily put 2 buttons for my eyes, a carrot in my yap and called me a snowman. I look better than a normal snow snowman, probably cause snow sticks better to my locks and looks natural.
We must have coffee sometime to smoke some herb and discuss you lil problem. lol.
In the meantime, may i suggest Viagra as a prescription.
Other than the dogshit of course, how are things on the corner of Edward and Coburg? Lived on Edward for 10 years – just about three houses in from Coburg on the south side. There used to be this post office in a little stone house across the street. Is it still there? Write back soon.
Speaking of the latest storm, White-Juan-Juan-a-be I hear it’s been dubbed, I saw two cyclists braving the elements and accumulated snow and ice this morning. Not sure if they are pragmatists, heroes, martyrs, or just plain looney. I’ll let the jury of Bitch peers decide.
Crazy.
Most certainly Klyde! Do you travel? A tour of the coffeeshops of Amsterdam?
No, unlike you Klyde doesn’t dance in the picture windows of the red light district of Amsterdam.
No, no. I’m in the “darkrooms” of the leather bars… and I’m not dancing. Join me?!
http://www.gaylinc.nl/gay-bars-with-a-dark…
OB , I believe property owners can set leg hold traps on their property, up to Mar 31. Specifically to catch “nuisance” wild life …so go get ’em. After that dat, you’ll need to get permission, just don’t mention the dog, say coyotes or big fuckin’ raccoons are ripping your garbage out all over the place.
Sure those of you will be freaking out about the poor dog…well once that dogs been caught & then released…unless its retarded (mentally challenged for those of you PCN’s out there)
That dog’s not going anywhere near there again.
Problem solved. FYI, pets are SUPPOSE to be under an owners control at all times, according to our by-laws & Laws in this Province. Who knows, if the owners walking into your yard, you might catch them ~;p
persons with vaginas are offended by Jell-O? sez who? I once jumped into a giant vat of jello.
once the Saturday rain hits will be a river of brown pooh sludge across hrm, get out your hip waders and vicks under the nose. people are jerks. ho hum what else is new.
Someone’s gonna have a green lawn this summer…
if it ever gets here.
RSVP
:Hing Frogg (03/20, 9.10AM)
I would love to go visit Amsterdam sometime but lately I am having a problem getting on any airline fearing that that may be the last time i see the skies. Now on the other hand if you were to give me 3 or 4 days notice in advance I could get there by island hopping. At least i would know that if anyone was with me, i wouldn’t have to think of bad things happening. Jeff Dunham comes to mind.
Before you head to the “darkrooms” of the Leather bar we’d have to coordinate our watches to meet in the middle of the street to go for a nice dinner afterwards at the most prestigious restaurant Amsterdam has to offer providing they have the freshest weed salad on the menu.
If MM was up for the trip, him and i would head over to the other side to watch the magnificent labia through the window, why pay to get in when you can look for free through the slits in the blinds?
Make sure you plan the trip before early fall as it could put MM and i in a very bad situation. It will be getting cold by then and we risk having our eyebrows and tongues stuck to the glass. How are we going to explain that to people walking by?
Never mind More’s medieval solution OP. Set up a camera to catch the rotter in action (I’m talking about the dog’s owner, I’m not guessing at the dog’s breed). Then shame them. Humiliation is far more 2015.
Oh, lots of slits in the windows there; no blinds. And the bars are free entry…
Chinatown borders the red light district and the leather bars make up part of that area. GREAT FOOD!
I might suggest Hunter’s Amnesia Haze; conversely, anything sativa at the Bulldog. Baba’s on Warmoestraat is great too. They have a collection of bongs availble for use at no charge. As well, there’s an assortment of brown cafes (nothing to do with Piet) in the same area at which we may refresh ourselves.
You will have to be responsible for keeping MM out of the Thai foot massage parlours as he won’t listen to me. And be sure to stroll down Sint Annenstraat. Check out the SmartZone by day and the “girls” in the windows at night. Again, you will have to be responsible for keeping MM…
RSVP
Klyde (03/20, 6:23PM)
Um, I think you missed the point or my explanation was inadequate. There are no “slits in the blind” since the purpose of the ladies cavorting behind the picture windows in Amsterdam’s red light district is to induce paying customers to enter the premises and engage in carnal activity. Success is easily identified. When the chair the lady sits in before doing her bump- and-grind is vacant it indicates such carnal activity in the rear premises is in progress.
I have actually witnessed the bump-and-grind but can truthfully report that I did not enter, in either sense of the word. It must be understood that this is a public attraction in Amsterdam – young men and their girlfriends stroll about (there are many establishments) which makes one wonder. Is it the Dutch who are natively liberal – sex is little more than a matter of shaking hands – or do we make too much of a little slap and tickle?
Hing Frogg (11:07PM)
Yes, Thai foot massage sounds infinitely preferable to a sweaty roll in the rear premises. I find myself strongly attracted to an activity which, while deeply erotic, is not entirely fixated on genital congress. I’m sure Klyde feels the same.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
RSVPS
: Montrealman (03/21, 8.37AM)
You are absolutely right, i missed the point. Slits through the blinds only applies to the bawdy places in this backward place i call home. Instead our eyes would be like giant saucers looking into open windows, I’ll have to keep a leash on you to prevent you from going to the back room to lose all your money.
:Hing Frogg (03/20, 11.07PM)
Amsterdam sounds like a very nice place. You are right on the fact that I’d have to keep close tabs on MM at the Thai foot massage, MM getting his tootsies massaged could put him in a fantasy state and the labia diaries will come out, have to keep the masseuses safe.
JOSE! We hardly knew ye… or do we?
Either way, love it! And for others, you can search the ipetitions website using the terms free speech to find the URL above.
Here’s hoping the Spring will melt more than the snow…!
*Hing lifts a glass of 30 year-old scotch and toasts with Ivan, Meaty, Chuck and Jose: “Craoi follain, fad saol agat agus gob fliuch!”*
i put in on twitter
http://www.stylespalace.com/wp-content/upl…
Col. Ivan Sonofabitch would like to thank Jose Mchoisterton for the petition that went up today. Jose, take a bow….now where did he get to? … He was here just a little while ago.
It remained after paingirl’s last post at 5:59 PM; then it was pulled… Oddly, the initial one still exists.
Soon, we will not be permitted to use the words: the, and, mod, a, I…
I believe that No Fool has shuffled off this mortal coil to join the ghosts of Mr. Meaty, Ivan, Chuck, et al. After what transpired recently I had a hunch that something would happen so I just clicked on her profile and saw it empty.
This reminds me of when a local company had a big layoff. The employees started calling each other’s numbers. If they got a message like “This number is no longer in use” then they knew the person had gotten the axe. If the person answered or they got voice mail they knew they were still employed.
Hamlet’s ‘To be or not to be’ speech – Bitch version:
To bitch, or not to bitch: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous posts,
Or to take arms against a sea of trolls,
And by opposing end them? To have our ID deleted: to return;
No more; and by a blocked IP to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand deleted posts
That our mod is heir to, ’tis a constipation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To be deleted, to return;
To return: perchance to be banned: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of blocked IP what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes a Bitch of so long life.
Nice and calm and peaceful in here this morning. Now what shall I have for breakfast? Pizza mini or cheese croissant?
No fear, Eggy… No Fool still here!
Only da strong survive!
I swear I read the letters R A I N in the forecast. WTF is that outside???
homophobic personal attacks as well. tst tsk coast. are you going to let that stand?
“Molly Sonovabitch?”
Was the union consummated in church or on the beach, as in “From Here To Eternity?”
as in Neville shute’s ‘on the beach’ I am the spawn of too much radiation and a submarine.
I am honouring my fallen comrade, not doing the beast with two backs.
Is there any way you could paraphrase the post that got him deleted? I have no idea what it was.
me neither, but it was probably too well composed for the likes of this charade.
“No Fool still here! “
Must be the resurrection of No Fool. Has Easter come early?
frying up a pound of bacon and a half dozen eggs in honour of my fallen comrade Ivan!
#freethebitchers for uncle vanya http://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.illustr…
#freedom. worshippers, another song from our hymnal, in keeping with the situation. love ya buddy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPb…
Molly, I couldn’t agree more. Too bad the moderator has a styrofoam peanut for a brain.
Hi guys, what have I missed?
http://adsoftheworld.com/media/print/the_life_foundation_a_penis_it_lives
but molly made the supreme sacrifice and took the hail of bullets
She will be feasted in Valhalla and epic songs will be sung about the fiery haired shieldmaiden and her direwolves who came from the west and hacked out a paradise in the forest primieval
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/02/51/28/0251286a7cea276fbb02c2f482fc7e71.jpg
Cheese and rice, this place has completely fallen apart. I’m out.
if I still smoked and lit a lighter next to my bacon farts right now you’d see a fiery redhead all righty
More partial to Blue Angels, myself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0Y12PNHGVk
Hey…uhhh, bye Floki?!
I’m around the corner and have a drunk girl that likes to pee on our welcome mat when we’re not home. Gotta love surveillance cameras. She left her phone one time though, so her contacts may appreciate the footage.