We talked online 4 nights a week for almost a month. We had so much in common. Then we started talking on the phone. We would talk for about an hour. I totally clicked with you, and I thought I was falling in love. But I realized who you really were when we exchanged pictures for the first time. I thought you were cute, so it made things even better. BUT YOU SAW MY PICTURE AND TOLD ME I WASN’T YOUR TYPE! AND I NEVER HEARD FROM YOU AGAIN! It didn’t fucking matter that we had a lot in common and that we were falling for one another, just cause I wasn’t YOUR idea of attractive, you ended it and chose not to meet me in person!(I’m not even ugly/unnattractive for fuck’s sake!). You just fucking wait, if Karma exists the 10 you fall for will break your heart just like you broke mine! Here’s hopin you get rejected!
—It’s your loss, asshole!
This article appears in Jul 16-22, 2009.
Maybe you did click and maybe a stand-up kind of person would give it a go despite the lack of attraction or at least meet you in person to make sure there was no chance, but the fact is that, for most people, physical attraction is a big part of a relationship (at least in the beginning). It’s assholish that they just disappeared from your life but it’s better than being led on further only to have your heart broken.
When you get right down to it, looks are everything. Better stick to the world of SIMS if you think otherwise.
You’re better off without the douche bag!!
If he had been not cute you probably would’ve done the same thing. You’re just pissed because you thought he was cute and the sentiment obviously wasn’t reciprocated. We’d be lying to ourselves if we said looks truly have nothing to do with it.
Stop looking for love on the internet. Pull yourself away from your keyboard and go outside of your home…. it’s a big world out there. Get out and meet people, talk to people face to face. Life is too short to spend it sitting in front of your computer trolling plenty of fish.
That’s what you get for trying to meet people online. Never turns out the way you want.
Would you rather this guy have dated you and refused to fuck you because he can’t stand the thought of seeing you naked? Physical attraction is very important in a relationship. When there’s no mutual attraction in a relationship it’s called a friendship, and from the sounds of it, that’s not what you’re looking for OP.
it’s better to be rejected early in the game, even though you are pissed about it now – rather than be led down the garden path, then dumped some time later, and end up really broken-hearted/bitter in the future
just be grateful you didn’t waste too much of your life on this capricious jerk
and btw, do you really expect to meet the love of your life ONLINE?? c’mon, get real.
personally, i think it’s not smart to be sending your pictures to strangers on the internet – one never knows where your pics may eventually end up one day.
i’d say it’s better to meet in-person – always in a public place, where there are lots of other people around – and take things from there.
Do you have all your school supplies to start grade 8 in September?
“We talked online 4 nights a week for almost a month. We had so much in common. Then we started talking on the phone. We would talk for about an hour.”
If he was willing to throw all of that away because of your looks, you must be DAMN ugly.
Sorry. 🙁
How can you get insulted/pissed off about somebody you don’t even (really) know, OP?
The ‘cutie’ was merely a name-on-a-screen and a voice on the telephone. Not like you met this person and knew them interpersonally.
Jai is right… switch OFF your computer… get out and meet REAL people.
i think all this information technology is a very poor substitute for face-face – real life – communication & rapport. we are currently living through what i think of as a ‘social recession’
our declining interpersonal skills, from lack of actual face time with real people, up close and personal, is leading to a kind of social retardation, imo
^I agree. Been saying this for a while now.
In sociological terms, its called ‘culture lag’. Plus the communications myth we humans create for ourselves are good for chuckles.
Txt U l8r, tech lol
hey man, you invited me over for a ‘smoke’… and i intend to hold you to that, mister!
oh, and to hali… YUCK! YOU seem “ugly” yourself – on the inside.
I always honour the tobacco offering
NGF is soooo right you dont know this person therefore it is no loss to yourself, it is a kicker in the self esteem i know but there’s other fish in the sea
Its different for Jane and I though cuz we’re so hot! Still waiting for that email too! lol
Physical Attraction plays a HUGH part…that is the first thing you see and look at.
BUT REMEMBER: when all the looks are gone due to old age etc….all you have is good conversation.
You wasted a whole month? Well, boo-hoo-fucking-hoo. Get on with your life and forget about some little dipshit looking for his ‘ideal’. He’ll probably find her and she’ll be the ubercunt from Satan’s loins.
Hot damn…..
I dont base all of my so called dating people on looks although i do prefer some grungy guys and prefer long hair but meh i will give it all a chance haha
I was once asked out by a guy who I knew from school, and talked to online outside of school. I wasn’t attracted to him, but I thought it seemed rude/unfair not to give the guy a chance, so we went on a few dates before I broke it off knowing it was going nowhere for me. Now it could have been seen as leading him on, but I was seeing where things could have gone. I don’t know if he would have been happier in the long run with my denying him the chance from the start, but I had to cut him off completely afterwards to avoid leading him on further since I knew we couldn’t just go back to being friends.
Would that have worked better for you OP?
If he was looking for “something” specific in the looks department, you guys should have swapped photos in the beginning and saved yourself the heartache. That said, if he was looking for friendship, seeing your pic and being less than thrilled shouldn’t really matter, and he wouldn’t have just cut you off like that. Either way, don’t let yourself get sucked into a virtual world. Things are rarely as they seem.
I’m not opposed to meeting people online; I just met up with someone last week…just don’t spend weeks and months “getting to know someone” over the internet. Write a few times, swap some pics, maybe a chat on the phone or two, and then meet somewhere, IN PUBLIC (not a private setting) and you should know pretty much right away if they are what you are looking for or not. Just my opinion.
Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention- you are calling him shallow- But who wants to be with someone they aren’t attracted to? You wouldn’t. No one does. Again, swapping pics immediately would have solved all of this.
Should’ve exchanged pics sometime in the first week!
Also, I hope the OP would’ve behaved the way she wanted this guy to behave if HIS pic looked like a shlub.
I have visions of 2025 where people don’t even communicate verbally — everyone will sit around their crackberry/laptop texting the person sitting next to them instead of saying “yo, pass the salt.”
Frig. I know it’s a fucker to meet people in this city, but you gotta get away from the computer if you’re THAT upset over a name on a screen and a voice on the phone.
^and then the New World Order will use the fact that people are no longer speaking as a pretext to abolish ‘Freedom of Speech’.
“hey man, you invited me over for a ‘smoke’… and i intend to hold you to that, mister!
oh, and to hali… YUCK! YOU seem “ugly” yourself – on the inside.”
No, i’m honest. How else would you explain it? It would be nice to say “you don’t need him girl!~!” and dumb ass shit like that, but the bottom line is he clearly rejected YOU because physically you don’t do it for him what-so-mother-fucking-ever. YUCK!
Whatever dude, maybe she was a blonde and he only dates brunettes. I second techcafe.
In an embrace to become more connected, we’ve become more disconnected from each other. Technology is a great thing, but real relationships were never meant to built from and sustained solely by computers or phones.
I understand everyone has fears and doubts, but when so many people throw down at the traditional route (the bar/club scene) how can you stand there straight faced and tell me online dating is the better alternative. Seriously.
“Whatever dude, maybe she was a blonde and he only dates brunettes. I second techcafe.”
You’re right, that must of been it…
On second thought, read that again:
“maybe she was a blonde and he only dates brunettes”
Yep. It must of been her hair color that made the difference…
*throws mole rat into idiot pile*
Hey OP, do you not read in Savage Love every week about how person A is in love with person B -except- for one thing and they don’t know if they can live with that one negative thing hanging over their relationship for what is basically eternity?
Better to shut it down 1 month in than suffer the consequences…
You can throw me into the idiot pile, but your words do speak louder about yourself than the OP, and I make this judgment based on the general tone of all your comments on LTWWB, hon 🙂
At least he was honest.
He didn’t lead you on, & then dump you .
(ever thought of meeting people in the real world instead of cyber space ?)
Everyone is entitled to their own idea of what is attractive and what is not. They are also entitled to choose who they want to be with based on those ideas. Some men only like chubby women, some women refuse to date men with facial hair etc. It doesn’t matter how attractive you think you are, nobody is everybody’s type.
This kind of a let down is bound to happen on the internet when appearances are hidden. Try meeting people in person before you invest any time in getting to know them.
As soon as I read the first line I knew this was gonna be a story like this. It sucks but that’s the way it goes most of the time if you choose to rely on the online thing to meet prospective mates.
When I was doing the online thing at one point I ended up in a similar situation except it played out more like the story PAS told. I met a guy and we seemed to hit it off famously and even though I did not find his picture attractive I went out with him. I found him even less attractive in person but I kept going with it because we had “such a great connection” online. Well as time went on he would tell me he was into me and I was finding myself liking him less and less. It came clear to me that I had to end it. Now we don’t talk at all.
Would you have preferred that? The problem with online dating and the “connections” you make with strangers is that they are not real. There is a lot more to chemistry than words on the screen. If nothing else, that lesson is the one thing I learned from online dating. And now I will avoid it like the plague.
Does anyone else see the irony of a bunch of people who come to the The Coast website everyday to discuss bitches with the same people saying that the OP needs to get away from the computer? No? Just me? Ok…
As for meeting people online, I tried it for the first time this year and never had so many dates in my life. It’s a very useful tool for us shy folk who wouldn’t ordinarily approach a stranger in person. Now I have a GF and new friends and get this…. I see them face to face. Woah! Definitely don’t wait a month to exchange pics. WTF?
You just posted the most backwards reply ever. This isn’t a relationship or dating.
“I thought I was falling in love”
Did no one else notice that comment. Seriously OP…do you know what love is, are you 14? How the fuck could you say you’re falling in love with someone whom you have never even met in person..craziness!?!
Falling in love with the idea of falling in love perhaps.
EXACTLY, Smee. I noticed that comment too, FA. How the fuck can you really fall in love with someone you haven’t even met in person?
Fell in love with the idea++
Also: not wanting to bang/be with/whatever because you’re not physically attracted to them isn’t shallow it’s human nature.
And attractiveness is subjective, OP — just because you may be attractive to someone doesn’t mean you’re going to be attractive to someone else.
I’m gorgeous beyond belief (LOL), but I do accept the fact that not every guy out there isn’t going to be attracted to me. I chalk THAT up to poor judgement though 😛 hahaha. Seriously though, it happens. Find someone else who is physically attracted to you. I mean why would you WANT to be with someone who wasn’t physically attracted to you in the first place?
OP was this a bait and switch, did you tell ths guy your pretty and all that shit and then when you send a pic ( after 4 months by the way? do that first!! ) you look nothing like what you said. Most women tend to oversell themselves in the looks department to men they have not met face to face yet.
If he is not attracted to you it doesn’t make him shallow, it just makes him not attracted to you.
Men deal with this ALL the time since its somehow our job to ask the woman out still. Imagine if every guy came on here because he wasn’t good looking enough to make the cut for the girl he asked out and bitched about it
if you click on ever level but are 50 pounds overweight and the guy likes thin women he is not shallow, He just likes think women.
this reminds me of a bitch from a while back called the last taboo. monday march 10, 2008. Its in the archves. Its a good counter point to this OP’s bitch.
i recently found it when scanning the archives, man those were the good old bitchin days.
http://www.thecoast.ca/LovetheWayWeBitch/a…
I had the best mental masturbation with a guy on line… we called…and spoke and he could not understand me and I could not understand him because he spoke Parisian French but could write English……the literate and linguistics of his daily mails were brilliant, so emotive, so descriptive so…..seductive and sensual….dang I could not wipe the smile off my face….. we exchanged photos early on with him sending his first.
Was he attractive? I do not know but the beguiling in his words made him so. Dang he was good. The intelligence needed to stroke the cerebellum like that was refreshingly stimulating which proved that the brain IS the greatest ‘sex’ organ.
Then the gig was up when he revealed to be a Nazi sympathizer so of course the bubble burst. End of 6 months of receiving the most incredible poems and literary verse.
Did I regret it? nada
What I received from this random exchange of language of the auld over 6 months when I did was very beautiful and played a great role in my healing.
MY point being that in your case it ended when you didnot want it to but try and focus on the beauty of the interaction before the bubble was burst because that is still precious.
Dgaf: yes those ironies crack me up too….I guess those on the computer telling others to get off and out do so because they are speaking for their expertise.LOL
I agree…the net helps those who are shy or have others social issues that disable them from interacting publicly.
I don’t think this was going on for four months, it appears to be 4 weeks. I’m sorry but I have very little sympathy for someone who “falls in love” and has their heart broken within the space of A MONTH, with someone they haven’t even met or seen. I know people like this, they’re constantly fucking complaining wondering why their flavour of the month (aka, The One, For Real This Time) didn’t work out … again. And then we get to have the same conversation again. Awesome.
Mole Rat – i know exactly what you mean. I know alot of women who don’t date people, they take them hostage in a relationship.
These woman tend to have an intimacy disorder where they are addicted to falling in love with whom ever happens to be in their cross hair at the time.
Kind of the “any guy will do” mentality as long as they get to go through the mushy paces of falling in love. Its like watching a heroin addict get their fix – sad really.
I do feel for the OP though, in the sense that if looks were important to the guy then he should’ve asked for a photo upfront. I mean, he was wasting his own time too. But maybe he felt that asking upfront would come off as shallow.
I feel alot of guys are made to feel like they should be ashamed to admit that they DO care about looks. I mean its not everything but it certainly does enter the equation at some point.
This underlines a fundamental flaw in online courting, that in real life you get to take in alot of info wihtin a few seconds of meeting where as with online it can go on for months and months.
usually people approach people they are physically attracted to ( since we wear out looks on the outside and are visable ) FIRST and then strike up a conversation to see if they have in going on in the personality department too. If both things line up for both parties its on !
I think some folks have became so jaded they forgot what it is like to be whisked away in the moment, in this case 4weeks, with romance….
Some have forgotten or never had the experience, the art of seducing another with words over a period of time rather then the Halifax way of ‘let me buy you drink and at a buck a piece let me buy you 10 so you will have sex with me tonight because me so horny’ seduction..
Did she fall in love?
Maybe she did.
Maybe this type of foreplay created and stimulated certain neurotransmitter response that felt like love….Who are we to say it didnot happen…. I think if it did it is wonderful…but she really should get thicker skin because she will get hurt a lot more and may become as jaded as some of the others here.
Fall in love when you can, take from it what you can and ….when it does not work….enjoy the best and learn from the worse and eventually you will meet the ‘right for you’ one.
Best wishes OP…. and who knows you may one day thank this guy for toughening you up so that the next guy cannot do this to you…..you will be sure to get the picts done up front then get personal….then get close.
ah but some people are so shallow.love the person for who they are,not some gaga movie star/starlette bullshit.because in the end,we all age and change looks.me.i’m happy with what or who i could get.and i’m no prized male chauvenistic pig.
I find, as I’ve gotten older, that sometimes if I get to know a non-attractive (to me) person and I really like their personality and attitude, that their body “becomes” attractive to me….not that I suddenly find them “hot” physically, but I WOULD fuck them, because their personhood somehow makes their moobs, or bad haircut, irrelevant.
Having said that, you can’t beat an immediate visual attraction, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to shame people who feel they need a satisfactory visual complement to a mental connection.
I know exactly what you mean, Mole Rat!
I wonder if OP told the guy, “I think I’m falling in love” and he just let his roommate talk to the bitch afterwards instead….
Attraction isn’t a choice…it’s an instinct…and as much as some people “click” with one another, they can’t force themselves to be attracted…it’s a shallow world.
A much nicer story would be:
“We talked online 4 nights a week for almost a month. We had so much in common. Then we started talking on the phone. We would talk for about an hour. I totally clicked with you, and I thought I was falling in love. When we exchanged pictures for the first time,.I thought you were cute, so it made things even better, BUT YOU SAW MY PICTURE AND REALIZED I WASN’T YOUR TYPE. It didn’t fucking matter because we had a lot in common. Despite the fact that I wasn’t YOUR idea of attractive, you didn’t end it. I am so happy. I mean, you don’t introduce me to your friends or family, and you will only fuck me if the lights are out and I pretend I’m someone else. And sometimes you retch a little when I try to give you a peck on the cheek in the morning. I am so happy! It doesn’t matter that you’ve never told me I’m pretty, and that all I see in your eyes is pity every time I put on some makeup and do my hair in the desperate hope that you will change your mind. I’ve never been so excited as the day I got my nose job and those cheek implants to try to look like someone you would be attracted to. I wasn’t even that crushed when you looked away with pained expression on your face after I took off the bandages, because I’m so used to it now. It’s enough that you stay with me despite thinking I’m uglier than ever. I try not to notice that you always put a pillow between us when we sit on the sofa together, because I don’t want anything to spoil our happiness together. I am still swooning from that one time you kissed me, at the wedding. Oh my god, it was so funny that the priest had to tell you three times to kiss the bride!! That was so funny!! I love you baby!
P.S. Do you think a wig and colored contact lenses might make you love me?”
She’s fat, end of story.
Total heffer.
They think everone’s “shallow”.
Maybe she should enrol in this:
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/090724/worl…
Some of you guys are just cruel and are only commenting cause you do the same thing. But I actually feel for this person, I had the same experience with this so called guy named sean. That was enough of the internet for me and i suggest you do the same