you never did steal the canoe!

Sure Cranky, you go ahead and take ‘er for a spin, but you’ll need to bring your own paddle and life jacket. Please don’t drink and boat, no smoking in the canoe, no especially not a joint, you’ll bugger something up, don’t overload it, only one other person at a time and they too need a life jacket, don’t mount a motor on it, treat it with care, wear soft soled shoes when your in it, no dogs are allowed in it unless they got socks on, don’t take it over rocks and get it all scratched up, don’t stand up in it especially if it’s on shore or shallow water, try not to scrape the gunwales with the paddles, I don’t want you eating in it and getting food smeared on it, no drinks except water either, don’t be fishing with it as I hate fishy smells on it, no night time use, don’t turn it over in the water, don’t jump off ‘er into the water, don’t leave it on some other shore unattended, don’t tie it up to a hard dock without putting bumpers between, don’t take it down rapids or go into reeds, don’t be hitting other boats or canoes with it, don’t portage and get it all scraped up on the trees and brush, in fact only use it on the lake she’s on now, don’t drop it if you’re carrying it, don’t drag it roughly up onto shore, don’t tell all your friends they can use it too, dry it out after you use it, put it exactly back where it was found, and leave a few bucks under it each time you take it out……………and hey, have fun!