Let me start off as to point out that I am not a cheapskate. I have no problem paying on the first date. I’ve taken women out to a nice meal and paid the bill on many occasions. My issue is that society expects me as a man to foot most of the bills while in a relationship. I make decent money, however I’m not rich. I make $70K, not $700K. Yet it’s practically expected of me to support a woman. This expectation is amplified for me since I’m below-average looking.
I was recently dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years after asking her if she could pay her own student loans. I made $70K while she was barely pulling in $30K per year, so I had no problem covering the entire rent of $1400/month while she got the smaller bills power, cable, car payments, gas, etc. The other monthly bills combined that she had to pay were only about $600, less than half that I was paying for the rent, so I didn’t think it was that unreasonable to expect her to pay her monthly student loan payments of $300, especially since she was paying them when she was single! She dumped me, telling me that since I was making twice as much as her, I should atleast put something towards her debt or it meant I didn’t love her. So according to her, money equals love.
My argument is, I don’t want to get taken advantage of, as this has happened in the past. One lovely girl in my past slowly took more and more from me. Started off with me paying all the rent (since I made more, I felt it was fair to get the big bill)…then she wanted me to buy her a car, and eventually pay all of her bills….when I told her I felt used, she proved it and dumped my ass.
After being dumped, my own mother tells me I’m cheap and should have helped her out with her debt. My buddies told me since I’m ugly I was lucky to have her and that I should have paid up. Really? So it’s unreasonable for me to expect a woman to pull her own weight? I’m ugly, so I guess I have to pay to keep any woman?? Fuck that shit. I’m not looking for a prostitute, I’m looking for a woman who will like me for me. —Ugly but financially stable
This article appears in Apr 9-15, 2015.
You’re not ugly; the ladies in your life are the ugly ones. I’ll refrain from including your Mother, assuming you mis-heard what she’s said.
Don’t think your looks means you should pay the the lion’s share of things either. And I suspect the problem is self-esteem.
I would consider myself lucky, so get out there and have some unbridled, casual sex – Jesus prescribed.
You’re lucky you’re out of it or it would have cost you dearly. For others, if someone asks you to pay their debts, don’t walk away but run like hell.
Your mom and friends are pretty stupid about this, it’s totally reasonable for her to pay her own student loan, it’s not your fault her shitty life decisions as a result of this loan have only bagged her 30k a year shit job. Had you guys been married and were sharing a life together it’d be different but it never got to that point thank fuck. Your buddies are extra stupid, when you make the 700k a year then yea you go out and get a trophy wife, since we’re not all that lucky here in the real world you gotta get what’s gonna work for you. Big boobs and a pretty face arn’t a reason to put a girl up anymore, it’s not the 1950’s.
Hey man, don’t lump us all in together now. I’ve never had anyone pay my student debt and I’d never expect anyone to. I’ve always paid my own way. It’s not unreasonable for your partner to pull their own weight, but I think you need to establish that at the beginning of the bill splitting endeavour.
IMO the dating scene is getting tougher to navigate, but I think I’ve just had shit luck. You need to find an independent woman who wants to be with you, and doesn’t need to be.
The good news is that women don’t put as much emphasis on looks as men do. And you sound like a nice chap so I think you will be able to find someone else fairly easily. I recommend that you focus on developing your interests and hobbies so that people will find you interesting for yourself. And, eventually, try to find a gal who makes a decent salary and pays her own way. That way you know she is with you for yourself. Don’t be in a hurry to buy someone’s affections.
It’s called the “cock tax”
So if years down the road after she graduates and is possibly making twice your salary how would the expenses go then?
Nukka, this dude would probably expect her to get the entire rent lol.
Unfortunately, OP, ugly men and women only have the pick from the bottom of the barrel. I suppose these women were attractive too, weren’t they? I’m betting yes. And THEY’RE the entitled ones?! I’m not saying you should fully support a woman, but fact of the matter is, as an ugly guy, you literally cannot afford to NOT go above and beyond.
God, you remind me of my former co-worker–physically unattractive, cheap, but yet expected a beautiful woman to be putty in his hands. No sympathy here.
^^^ a good point, Nukka, but there’s no guarantee. I worked while my wife went back to school and it paid off in a higher combined income and steadier employment. However, I know of at least two young couples where one worked and paid the other’s way through graduate school. In both cases, the graduates, upon becoming highly paid professionals, dumped their modestly paid partner within a few months of graduating. Better be pretty sure of your relationship before committing financially.
“And, eventually, try to find a gal who makes a decent salary and pays her own way. That way you know she is with you for yourself.”
^^^
OK…but I hope OP isn’t focused too much on looks, because if so, as a self-professed ugly guy, he probably won’t get that..
Nukka the bitch would leave his ugly ass for a good looking professional man who makes as much or more than her.
If your ugly and a good looking person says they are interested in you romantically,ask yourself why.Most times they are just using you for money,sex,what ever they can get from you. They will chew you up and spit you out.
Good looking professional people stick to they’re own kind.
Not so comfortable with the shoe on the opposite foot, now is it ladies?
It is true that most couples are evenly matched in the looks department. It’s unusual to see a total mismatch and the ones I have seen (usually a wealthy guy with trophy wife) never last long.
The OB’s best bet is someone who is in the same appearance bracket. The good news is that those of modest beauty can be every bit as smart, pleasant, and interesting, if not more so, than their more attractive peers who have become used to getting special treatment throughout their lives.
And maybe society expects the man to pull most of the financial weight in the relationship because, I dunno, overall men are still higher earners than women??! Still in this day and age, in 20-fucking-15, put a man and a woman in the exact same position, same company, same industry, with both of them possessing equal qualifications, experience, education, intelligence, work ethic etc….who still gets paid $5-20K more? The MAN!!! Men still get more opportunities, male-dominated positions are typically higher paid, the glass ceiling is still layers upon layers thick. If you’re a man making over twice as much as your lady (if she’s NOT one of those uneducated going-nowhere types), pay up or get out, cheap ass.
This girl the OP dated hasn’t figured out how to live outside the construct of a patriarchal society. Some get there, others never do. Evolution is a slow dance.
So according to her, money equals love.
Looks like you DID learn the lesson.
Good for you.
Like I say, it’s called the “cock tax.” Got a cock? Then pay the tax. If you look like Frankenstein, there will be a 25% surcharge. Now go away.
Tall, olive complection, sounds like a catch to me. We are the REAL monsters.
HI OB, first its obvious you’ve been here for awhile just by the fact you’ve stated you have had several relationships. Its just as obvious no one has ever welcomed you or explained the rules here on Planet Earth. First all woman are prostitutes. Sure you’ll run into some with more money than you. But for the most part if your an ugly – old – miserable. Or any one or more of those & a member of the male species & you want a hot chick…its gonna cost you .
Even the plainer woman are gonna expect something for the occasional chance to dip your wick.
Before you all start hating, look at the definition of whore & compare it to wanting something from a partner & you’ll see both parties men & women are in there for what they can get. So were all in it for more than the stimulating conversation. Now whether you pay she pays, you co pay….well thats prostitution in a nutshell …all you gotta do is agree on the price.
Have a nice day everyone.
^^^
So now you reduce women to whores… well done! That’s excellent debate, wha’?!
Bitchers be nasty.
If I made decent money, I’d spoil my lover rotten, Is 30k a year really that shitty in NS? seems like half the store I work in has a degree, and no not arts degrees… or a diploma from NSCC, is their any other jobs besides Nursing and accounting in NS… counting old peoples money and wiping their butts at Shannex is the future of young nova scotians lmao
A lot of people don’t like hearing the truth, they’d rather hear the sugar coated opinions of dreamers who don’t seem to understand the Laws of Biology (as harsh as those laws may be) – hence the dislikes on my comments outnumbering the likes.
And clearly all men disliked my last comment lol.
Depending on how it’s spent, $30K can house, feed and clothe a small family. It should certainly suffice a single person without dependents _and_ allow them to pay off their own damn student loans, IMHO. If a prospective partner is looking for someone to take on that responsibility for them, they’re not worth dating for long or exclusively.
Money is the one taboo subject – forget sex or politics or religion. You start talking about how you’re trying to juggle debts or how you’re investing or trying save money, you’ll hush up the room in a heartbeat. It’s that sensitive a subject for so many people that you probably won’t know that great gal or guy you’re marrying is $100K in debt until you’ve said “I do.” That’s why it’s incredibly important to get that shit out in the open before you even consider splitting household expenses with someone. It’s the kind of discussion that needs to be more open and honest very early in any relationship.
Sorry to hear the the OB got taken advantage of by a real bitch.
You might not believe me right now, but there ARE girls out there who don’t act like this. Smart, fun, confident, loving, caring girls, who are able to stand on their own, but who also want to share a life–and real love– with a smart, fun, confident, loving, caring guy.
Boyfriends are not obligated to pay a girlfriend’s debts or buy her a car! MAYBE in a very stable, long term relationship or marriage couples can adopt a “my money is your money” arrangement but ONLY if there is a ROCK SOLID sense of equal contribution, in whatever form that might be. But not when you are “just” boyfriend and girlfriend.
A lot of girls have learned how to turn on the charm, and play manipulative games with guys that they use and abuse. These girls cause a lot of people pain, as I am sure I don’t have to tell you.
As much as this sucks, I think down the road you will count yourself lucky. She has shown her true colours, and you have been freed up to allow a much better person into your life. She, however, will be inflicting herself on yet another victim.
Trust me on this when I say that kindness, stability, sensibility, integrity, etc., will always win real love. Plus, a bit of self-confidence (and this is where “fake it till you make it” can help) is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
You sound like a decent sort. Don’t forget this, and most of all don’t let this kind of miserable experience sour you on love. In the meantime, work on your “people-reading” skills, and stay far away from anyone who thinks that exploiting others is a natural part of love.
Oh, and one more thing:
Plain girls get better looking with age; beautiful girls only go downhill.