So I end up going home with this chick. Met her through work. Dated a few times. Ended up at my place and we get into a romp. We are in the rack going at it 69 and she farted right in my face. Not like a massive loud thunderous clap… just a regular “Oh I am sitting at home alone… I can let this one out…” kinda fart. Right in my nose which was on her butt rose. I couldn’t believe it… it vibrated my nose. I stopped what I was doing and pulled my head out and said “What the did you do? You just farted in my face! Fuck!” I almost puked right there. “My nose, my face, my mouth was down there… what the fuck did you do to me woman?” She got defensive and said “Oh and I suppose you don’t do that?” I said “Yes I do but… No… I wouldn’t fart in someone’s face while doing that” Anyways she says “Oh I am so sorry.” and starts giggling and laughing. I was just stunned. Anyways… my dick fell limp in like two seconds… totally grossed out. I split. She threw my jacket at me. Just a tip for people, don’t fart in a person’s face while into something like that. TOTAL turn off… and just fucking gross. —Dunno if I Will be Eating at the Y for Awhile Cause of Mental Trauma
This article appears in Dec 6-12, 2012.
There are certain things in life you really don’t want to know, this is one of them.
Blow Me and wogdog, you two are fucking twisted.
What a rude thing to do. Good thing you got out of there asap!
Hahahaha! Wowwwww! This bitch just made my day lmfao!
What???? It’s just air! Lol….I’m dying here ROFL
couple of ways of looking at this op, and in none of them do you come up smelling like roses.
so you were pleasuring her enough for her to lose control of her manners.
and she inadvertently fluffed, became hugely embarassed by it and giggled.
you get all huffy and seriously miffed.
i would say she dodged the bullet, because you are a humourless stick.
surprise surprise, sex isn’t sanitized. you could have started this relationship rolling around the bed laughing your fool heads off. and had a story to laugh about for years to come. yeh, it probably fried your nose hair but she didn’t do it on purpose.
Fumilingus is the mind-killer.
Nukka- you, my friend ,are a steely eyed missile man and have earned the right to fill your boots with good German lager in Valhalla.
Bluenoser becoming a brownnoser …..
pull my finger,,,dare ya,,,,,,,,,
Ahhhhh,,,,,,,
Am I the only one that thinks this sounds obviously made-up?
Dogman: Why call us down we ain’t even commented on this post yet! cheesh talk about pre judging a bitcher!
Well, in my elevated opinion (according to PK!) you OP are lucky the gas from her ass didn’t blow the knob off your face….I mean door!!! You should try to keep your nose out of those places until you know her better next time.
GDM Yes she probably shouldn’t have fluffed while he was doing that.He should give himself credit for pleasuring her good enough to make her forget her manners.
Yes I agree,he’s obviously not mature enough for adult sex.
So, it was ok to have your mouth and tongue down there, touching a potentially unsanitary part of her body but, she breaks wind, (and from your description it sounds like it was just a toot), which is essentially just air, and you get all bent out of shape (literally)?
While probably not the most pleasant of things to have happen, especially in the heat of a moment like that, it sounds like it was completely by accident and like Molly said, could have been something to laugh about, relax and carry on. Occupational hazard, man. It’s not like she sprayed shit all over you, (although there ARE people out there that are into that kind of thing. Why, I have no idea.) IMO, I think you took way too much offence, especially considering that there could have been much worse things going on down there, like herpes or full bloom yeast infection. Blech!
This reminds me of a story related to me by a friend of my wife about 15 years ago. It is a “friend of a friend of a friend” anecdote so treat it will all the scepticism/credulity that you believe it warrants. It seems the couple in question were about a month shy of their wedding, sharing a shower one morning. He was a large lad, tall and muscular; she was tiny and petite. He was under the spray with his back to her at the other end of the cubicle lathering her hair. He lets one rip, 3 octaves, 6.5 on the Richter scale, echoes off the tiles and hears a shocked gasp from behind him. He turns around, with, one can assume, that proud sort of smirk that guys get after doing something truly epic, like frightening a flock of crows with a belch or dredging a particularly large chunk of wax from their ear canal with a bobby pin. He sees his fiance, and her end of the shower stall, liberally spackled from merkin to tits with liquid shit. The fight allegedly proceeded into the wee hours and ended only when he stormed out. Withing a week, the relatives were being advised that the wedding was definitely off. Again, supposedly a true story, but judge accordingly.
Dear sirs,
I have been an avid reader of your magazine for many years now. But up until now, I felt I’ve never had an experience that was worthy of this column…
lmao Ivan! Somehow, out of all that, all I can vision, Ivan, is the shower wall in question covered in liquid human manure, save for a perfect outline silhouette of a female figure. If it’s true, priceless!
All I can think of is Jackson Pollock on a bender…in Tijuana. >: 0
You’re right – it’s one of those stories that you really want to be true, for some unfathomable , dark and twisted reason.
This mental exposure is getting quite damaging… even to the already damaged.
http://dalchwellness.com/wp-content/upload…
i cant lie…. i was once receiving some particularly good fellatio from a young lady and unfortunately i had eaten mexican earlier in the day.
Things built to a crescendo and right as i was “releasing” myself into her mouth, i let out the one of the wettest smelliest farts ive ever had.
Needless to say she promptly threw up all over my beans and frank which was still firmly rooted in her mouth and still releasing.
We tried to laugh it off and ignore what had just taken place, however that haunted look in her eyes told me that I wouldn’t be seeing her again.
Did you wash YOUR bum, before you 69’d OB?! See, guys asses smell, especially after sitting around awhile… maybe your rose wasn’t as sweet either?
In the story you ended up at your place and into a romp, yet after the ‘farting incident’ you were the one to split while she threw your jacket at you. Huh? Something does not add up there, and may not in the rest of the story.
But if it happened, perhaps time to grow up. Yes, not a great thing to have happen while in the throes of passion, but heck when we are rutting we are then at our most animalistic, and natural events can happen beyond our control. Between the sheets one does not often have time to consult Emily Post or Ann Landers.
But to go off on a rant and berate someone for such a ‘faux pas’ that sometimes can not be helped is to just show a lack of experience in the boudoir. If it was a deliberate act well then vent away, though another type of ‘venting’ would have been welcome by you earlier!
Granted, not a nice thing to have happen – but not much to have the vapours over. Certainly not while getting your jollies off. Can’t deal with what a body may send your way then perhaps best to keep your nose above the sheets.
Good point Dartguy. So why did she kick you out of your own place OB?
the jacket part throws me too. and who the hell cares about a little fart, pussy farts are the best, by the way. i love the sound those little qweeps make as it escapes thru the bum. no if you wanna really get gross, try eating reconstituted corn nibblts, with the choco sauce. hmmmm, maybe some of you sick bastards already do, that’s why you think you’re so fucking high and mighty to anyone else. just sayin.
Lmao @ KillBrindi! Omg you guys have me crying laughing! Seriously though, OB, why are you scared of a little fart?
some girls like having their bums reamed dudes. check out the sexual excitement sites sometimes, for hints. that is why there are so many lonely people out there. you just don’t know how to treat your mates. i suggest early on, that you both come to an agreement, just to be on the safe side.
I do agree with you OP, some sort of early warning system needs to be worked out between you and your lady. By all means enjoy yourself but keep an ear out for rumblings in the gut. Never had that happen to me, that would be ghastly.
Heh some people would pay good money for that…
Well if your nose is all up in her bunghole, what do you expect. P.s. Nobody has enjoyed the 69 position since 1969. One at a time bitch, you’ll get your turn….
Mmmmmm…. sensual face farts are the best.
Lol no_fool! Yes, it requires too much multitasking!
You guys are just doing it ALL wrong. It’s no wonder you’re not enjoying it!
This bitch reminds me of the ole Wine-o- joke.
Seems there was this wine-o- with a boil between his legs, it was causing him all kinds of pain & he couldn’t reach it to attempt pop it. He asked one of his drinkin’ buddies to take a look & he told him it was big & ready to pop …but the best way to do it was to use suction.
So the wine-o- used the last of his welfare check to get a 5 dollar whore to put some suction on the boil.
WHen she got down there to give it a go, the ole wine-o- farted …& the whore said “whatcha tryin’ ta do ….make me sick ?”
Hey Now ! I never said it was a good joke ~;p
It’d probably be easier in space…
Ewwww, but maybe a little funny.
“check out the sexual excitement sites sometimes, for hints.”
Oh please, for the love of fuck, DO NOT use porn sites as an educational tool. Frig. Sit in on a high school health class if you must. It’s quite a task to correct a gentleman on basic biology and anatomy after years of jerkin’ it to video hookers. My current boyfriend excluded :).
Yeah mine too, right Blow honey! Blow baby you got more hints up your sleeve than the old Woggers ever heard of. I Like It! 🙂
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Dear “Dunno if I Will be Eating at the Y for Awhile Cause of Mental Trauma”. Gee, what a habbit to get into, and not the first time either, and look she’s post-op too.
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