Hellish-ley-hell, I’ve had the major hots for you forever. Now I find out that you have been with someone forever and a day. Jeepers cripes, can you tone down your 100 watt smile, or gain some weight on your perfectly formed butt? I know I can’t have you, but I did masturbate to you 3 times yesterday. Yikes, how long can this lust go on? Wowser, you are like a waterballoon on a perfect Jamaican beach. Ouch!
This article appears in Oct 30 – Nov 5, 2008.
