[Image-1]
To the asshole whistling in a coffee and sandwich take-out place on Gottingen: Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Maybe your mother has always praised your whistling: “Oh, my beamish Boy, you sound just like a nightingale!” But the rest of us consider your non-consensual whistling to be aural assault. Next time ask first. Some of us have a headache. Some of us just quit smoking. And some of us resent your arrogant sense of entitlement to space that isn’t yours. STFU. —Ain’t whistling Dixie
This article appears in Oct 30 – Nov 5, 2014.
Are you jealous because he has the full labial mobility (Oh, stop sniggering, Montrealman) which you obviously lack? Because if your lips were fully functional you could have asked him to stop, instead of opting for this circuitous route.
That’s the standard LTWWB response to someone who , from their limited narrative, appears to have been irked by the behavior of another but not sufficiently irked to do anything about it.
The fact is, I despise whistling, since most people suck at it and even the good ones still suck (Don’t even get me started on Roger Motherfucking Whittaker). And like most people I’m not big on confrontation over a trivial issue so I’d probably just quietly seethe and un-ass the A.O. at the first opportunity.
People suck, be a recluse. It’s fun.
Maybe the guy was just in a good mood and didn’t even realized he was whistling. Maybe it’s not the rest of the world’s responsibility to help you cope with your just-quit-smoking cravings.
It will pass. The whistle-anger will pass as your brain re-develops the ability to produce dopamine. Then you will fall for the song of the nightingale.
‘the rest of us’ ? oh really. you speak for humankind do ya?
how can you logically expect solitude, peace and quiet to YOUR TERMS in a public, commercial establishment? don’t be absurd.
you surely must realize it’s YOUR issue to deal with if ordinary public noise bothers you. stay home. that environment is meant to be under your control. public places are not. this is why I stay home. otherwise I would be seething as you do, and why would I want to do that? (or are you ‘not really here for the coffee?’
THE UNCONSCIONABLE USE OF “WHISTLING”
“The unconscionable side of whistling is in relation to flavoring.” McHael Urphy
“Whistling in a coffee” is a neologism not found in the dictionary. Neither for that matter is “aural assault.” However, the root derivation is obviously “ass wind” which, according to the Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English, refers to “my the moral sense of self-intelligence”
As with so many others, the question in respect to the legislation on whistling in public then ultimately devolves into one of Philosophy, in particular that of Moral Philosophy. However – and this is important – the bitcher has not engaged Moral Philosophy, particularly those grounds upon which the legislation on whistling in public might be see to be morally wrong. In other words, what moral principle has the legislation on whistlers been violated?
On the bitcher’s showing the answer can only be: “None.” In other words, the relationship between aural assaulter and ear bleeder not perspicuous. Therefore, one can only conclude that the bitches use of “whitsling” is in itself unconscionable. Next.
(AVATAR #131: A SPONGEBOB PERTURBED)
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
RSVPS
: Ivan Sonofabitch (11/06, 6;22AM)
“Are you jealous because he has full labial mobility (Oh, stop sniggering, Montrealman) which you obviously lack?”
I must take issue with this comment on two grounds: First, labia, whether stationary or mobile, are never to be viewed as objects of mirth. On the contrary, they are objects of silent and admiring contemplation, particularly if they are magnificent. There is, of course, the further question of what mobile labia might look like. Do they move laterally – clearly they cannot move up and down – in synchronicity with the music on the radio? Or rather, do they quiver under the impulse of intense sexual arousal? But these must be questions for another time.
Second, I find this bitch to be excellent in every aspect. Indeed, I was once confronted with this aural pollution in the teachers’ room and, being able to stand his trilling no longer, I looked him in the eye and started whistling myself which, admittedly, I do poorly. The room fell silent. Startled, he initially looked at me askance, then a fearful concern crossed his dull features. He was unbuttoned, put out of countenance, and then he fell silent.
: lowcoaster (6:26AM)
An excellent parody although issue might be taken in regard to the relation of whistling on the one hand and flavoring on the other. While there may be such a relation it is not, at least to me, perspicuous. I have just finished posting on “e-cigs” ((#19) which might throw light on this issue. But then, it might not.
(AVATAR #67: THE WHIPPETS, THE ORIGINAL PAIR)
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Oh, whistle him off, Keyboard Roger Whittaker.
Apologies – humourous youtube video link not available at time of writing.
Okay. Lowcoaster (11/06/2014 at 8:26 AM) gets the award for best post of the week.
I’d jump in that volcano myself right now. If I wasn’t so good at whistling.
OB, did this guy have a laptop with him? Was he working on a powerpoint or maybe finishing his short-story collection? If so, I believe his whistling was justified. The law clearly states that it is acceptable to whistle whilst you work.
OB, the whistler had possibly just watched a timeless classic, Bridge on the River Kwai, and was inspired, as I am doubtless you will be, by this scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83bmsluWHZc
Ultimate labia worship – naming your child after clam flaps – i.e. the current Internal Services Minister for Nova Scotia is Labia Koulouris. Perfect portfolio, don’t you think?
I’d much rather be hearing someone whistling away in a store than watching them wave a gun or knife around at people. Pick your battles OP.
So instead of telling him to stop, which would have been good and he may have stopped, you thought coming here and bitching would be the answer. You have a mouth, use it.
What is socially acceptable noise?
May I blast some rap from my headphones and “sing” along for a bus full of people to hear? May I become the crazy jesus guy on a bike and shout about eternal damnation and hell fire to all ages that come within earshot of me? May I obnoxiously breath through my mouth so all will know what a struggle breathing is for me? What if I purposefully drag my heels and scuff them along the floor to make noise?
Are these all normal public noises? Or perhaps not? Shall we all just stay home because we don’t/can’t play well with others?
“they are objects of silent and admiring contemplation, particularly if they are magnificent. ” – Oedipus Complex much?
THE PERFECT PORTFOLIO
RSVP
: TT Fonebone (11/06, 11:53AM)
Labia Koulouris? The Internal Servce Minister for Nova Scotia? Yes TT, without question, the perfect portfolio.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
TT: during the election I really did think someone was going to put an ‘a’ on the end of Labi’s name on his campaign posters… I really did.
I just learned that’s what Frank magazine calls him – my faux pas. Still, wouldn’t Labia be the perfect male name? It certainly would be a conversation starter.
The ONLY reasonable excuse to whistle…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc
OB, as the great Dennis Leary said”SHUT THE FUCK UP!, NEXT” you are the perfect candidate for the lineup to get throat punched. maybe you should take your caffiene raging headache to the toilet, insert your self important fat head into the bowl and repeatedly flush until you pass out. MAYBE the staff will clean the bathroom of the garbage then….thats what you are. Garbage, a horrible person. I hope someone whistles a joyous tune every day of your miserable life from this moment on.
Well that was a little harsh.
Whistling really is fucking annoying.
Certainly just as annoying as a rattling panel on a bus for the entire 35-45 minute ride which has me questioning if I shouldn’t just swan dive out of a kicked-open emergency window release head first into traffic.