To all the whiny-piny women out there who cry, fret, whine, whatever you want to call it, over the men who aren’t interested in you, get over it already! If he doesn’t call you, email you, or see you in person, he doesn’t like you as more than friends (if even). So grow up, get over it, grow a back bone and find some self-esteem and someone who does want you.
This article appears in Sep 4-10, 2008.
Maybe if men were more direct and didn’t dance around what they really mean woman wouldn’t be so whiny. Have some balls boys just say you don’t like her. She might cry, she might yell but in the long run she will respect you for being honest and not just dropping off the face of the earth.
I know a lot of whiny-piny men, too. It works both ways.
I think Juicy hit the proverbial nail on the head. Honesty is the dealie. Dancing around the mulberry bush will only make you dizzy, confused and look like an asshole most of the time. Man up you prepubescent geeks.
Yeah, but most guys won’t get anywheres with “I want to have sex with you until I’m bored, then move on.” So honesty will not happen.Hormones are a powerful thing, that drive men to lie to get it. We are born to mate.I’m just glad I have the good stuff at home!
Actually, honesty DOES work…it doesn’t have to be “I just want to have sex and then dump you” kind of honesty (that’s just being a pig). Before I shacked up with my current mate, I dated a guy who basically told me: “I just got out of a serious relationship, so I’m not ready for any commitments. But I think you’re hot, and I want to take you out and show you a good time. Sex optional.” I still think positively about that experience. There was a guy who actually LIKED women; he treated me respectfully, but made it clear that he wasn’t interested in a relationship. Win/win.
I’ve used that line before Tasha. Just being honest! 🙂
Actually, it was about eight years ago- smaller town, so I’d know if he was a whore- I see him around sometimes and he’s a decent guy. I’ve gotten burned before, and I’m old enough to know the difference. (Common sense takes a while to develop.)
Fair enough. Just stating I’ve said that a few times with great success. Either way I’m reformed now.
I’m with juicy. People who actually “break up” with the flavour of the month might get slammed in the short run, but they sure beat the people who just suddenly stop taking / returning calls, etc. without a word…
And Bad Guy: women want to get laid too…but we don’t want to be lied to. Some men think that sex is something you gotta trick us into doing. All I’m saying is it doesn’t have to be “a line”. If you tell someone “I think you’re attractive, but I’m not looking for anything serious”, that’s just being respectful. At least s/he doesn’t have any illusions about getting married and having kiddies with you; s/he can go into it with eyes open.
Tasha I appreciate what you are saying, but a great many men and women who are told, “hey I like you but I’m just looking for something casual” often quickly forget this, even when reminded, and get attached, clingy, etc. regardless. And then things get awkward. That’s one reason why sometimes the object of their affections will feel there’s no option but to go into radio silence. I suppose I’ve been on both sides of the coin…
I know. I’m not out running around like that anymore. Just explaining a mentality. Its a lot less work to lie, lie (get it?), then leave. As I said I’m reformed, however, I’m like an ex-con the police are getting to help with a case. 🙂
Trust me BG, you don’t have to explain the mentality. It ain’t that complicated. Man: “Me want to fuck… I’ll tell her that I love her….”Woman: “Wow! he must really love me….it must be my razor-wit and ethical approach to those less fortunate!”*****fucking ensues*******Man ‘loses’ phone number, and apparently his own.Woman (whines): “Waaaaa! Whaaat diiid I doooooo wroooong? Maybe I should stalk him until he realizes what a wonderful person I am”
Tasha that was funny.This situation being talked about is like buyer beware. If the deal sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Just like shopping online.
I’m with Juicy et al: guys need to man up, and if they’re not interested they actually need to say so and be done with it. The disapearing act so many guys pull, particularly when the last thing out of their mouth is something along the I’ll-call-you line, is just rude. Plus I think a lot of the ‘whining’ is just confusion- as in, where the fuck did this guy go and why di dhe do it if we appeared to have a good time?
But hedgy as Tasha notes, there is also a responsibility on the part of the woman to recognize she is being played in the first place, pull her self-esteem together and move on instead of trying to force a guy into something he obviously doesn’t want. Both sides are screwing with each other, literally and figuratively.
well yes. games and denial on either part is not good- either with the chick who facebook stalks a guy she slept with in the hopes that he will one day declare undying love (possibly while holding a boombox above his head), or with the guy who thinks it’s easier or nicer to just vanish than telling a girl he’s seen a few times, maybe slept with, whatever, that he’s just not interested, or even decided to break up with a gf by just not picking up his phone until she gets the hint. what drives me crazy is the chronic whiner- who has the same rant over, and over, and over again. we’ve all done it, but the friend with the constant exact-same guy/girl problem (with a revolving cast of guys/girls involved) but refuses to admit that hey, maybe there’s a pattern here that should be addressed, drives me nuttier than a squirrels poop.
I think it’s partly a “ME generation” phenomenon. Remember Alley McBeal? (Or Alley McStreel, as I like to call her) Suddenly, it was considered cool (or at least normal) to sit around pouting and whining about not having a man. God, what an asshole!More recently, the Sex and The City movie features Carrie finally getting the man after years of bull-shittery on his part. I would’ve drop-kicked him in the windpipe, but that’s just me.
Jammie has a point about becoming attached after a deal has been made and an agreement that emotions should not get involved. Unfortunitly after spending x amount of time with that person in many positions you start to loose yourself and stop thinking about them as just a fuck buddy.Although there are people out there that can handle a strickly booty call relationship I believe that anyone who is capable of emotions will eventually start to connect with that other person. When you think about it you are spending hours up close and personal with this other person and watching their face and body react with yours.To be able to have amazing sex I think that you need to have a body and mind connecton. Without that sex is just sex and why not just buy a toy to get yourself off.