Sis: I know deep down you care for me and vice-versa, BUT why do you treat me like shit almost all the time? I’m nice, civil, and always doing favours for you, and you still are bitchy with me! You boss me around, and you question and criticize everything I do (whether my decisions or behavior are actually right or wrong, it doesn’t fucking matter, because it’s ME you have to be against it)! You act like you’re my mom even though I’m OLDER! You snap at me over the most stupid pointless things! You act like I’m a complete moron, sometimes your comments towards me make me out to look like an airhead, even though I’m actually smart! It’s getting to the point that I don’t even want to be around you, I’m sick of your scowling at me whenever I glance at you or whenever I’m in your presence! It’s such a novelty when you are actually being pleasant with me or laugh (in a good way) at me because it’s so fucking rare! Get over this, will you? I’ve had it! It’s obviously YOU with the problem, YOU are the reason we fight, NOT ME, seeing as though I get along great with everyone else, even those fairly different from myself. I mean, you must realize that– if it was me, I’d be having ‘run-ins’ with many others, or at least with other family members which I don’t! Are you just jealous of me, maybe? I am more fun and laid-back than you are, and I’m sure the people who know us the best would agree… sorry! Or are do you have anger issues? Whatever causes you to be like this, it doesn’t matter! You’re just pissing me off. Get over yourself and your issues, stop taking things out on me, I don’t fucking deserve that! You’re lucky to be related to someone like me— some people have been murdered by a loved one! So fuck off, and let me do what I want to do (right, wrong, smart, stupid, important, trivial) and don’t try to control me or put me down!
This article appears in Aug 14-20, 2008.
Glad to see I’m not the only one with a bitch of a sister. I haven’t spoken more than 50 words to mine in the last 10 years and its only because she freaks out (and she’s 35). I’m 37 and don’t need the hassle of her being defended by my folks even though they admit they (nor I) know what her problem is other than perhaps the rough upbringing we had. I got over it, as she should.Sad thing is that she’s gonna have to deal one on one with me eventually as the folks won’t be alive forever and we’ll both be attending their funerals and making all the arrangements and settling of the estates. And I hope she doesn’t think she’ll get away with treating me like some lower-than-the-janitor class like I hear she does when handling union-related employee issues as an HR manager at a certain taxpayer-owned television station. It’s her loss, not mine.
Sounds like the patterns that started as kids has continued into adulthood…maybe you should just show her this letter, say “the ball is in your court” and walk away.
To me she sounds like she can’t be happy or feel good unless those around her are as miserable as herself, or at least the sibling. Jesus, those people can be a huge fukin anchor around the neck, can’t they.
This relationship with your sib is toxic – I have a little plaque in my house that reads: ‘Friends are God’s apology for family’ and I believe that to the core. I cut off one of my overbearing, bossy sibs many years ago and she did eventually smarten up – but she also was made aware that there would be ground rules, like interfering in my personal life was positively off-limits. We did mend things eventually but it there had to be a lots of compromises on her part. Give the sib the boot for now and enjoy your life.