To the two disgusting old cougars who started their 6 month long tanning ritual on Maple Street in Bedford. You are leathery, saggy, obnoxious beasts.
Having to walk past that house with the two of you falling out of your bikini tops (because your wrinkly old saggy tits hang to your knees) while you “groove” to CCR is bound to make me lose my lunch. Here’s a tip for you….if you’re too old to get ID’d at the liquor store, you’re too old to wear itty bitty triangles with barely there string.
Another tip is if you can see “under boob” and “side boob” your tits are too saggy or the top is too small. As for the unfortunate bikini bottoms who appear to live deep in the jungle of your twat…the only advice there is if you can see the lettuce outside the bun…put on some shorts.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get cancer soon and die. You sit outside from sun up to sun down all day chain smoking and hacking and spitting up shit. It’s only fair that you get cancer. It’s not fair that other people who live a good clean life get it and you don’t so I really, sincerely want you to suffer with it in a painful and lengthy way.
And why must you scream at your illegitimate bastard children constantly? You obviously didn’t want to have the little fat fuckers so why didn’t you get spayed at the vet when you had the chance? If you’re not screaming at them you’re doing that cackling witches laugh that only comes from years of abuse to the vocal cords. I get it…you need attention but shut the fuck up…you’re so loud I can hear you from a block away!
Also, fuck off with the fucking fireworks. It’s not Canada Day every fucking day. There must be a law or noise ordinance or something so I can legitimately call the cops on you for setting them off every night at all hours from April to September.
I do enjoy that you choose to set them off under a tree, though. Perhaps the tree will catch fire and we can all find out what burning cougars smell like.—Have to take the long way around until winter
This article appears in Apr 1-7, 2010.
Who exactly are these neighbors—the “Absolutely Fabulous” ladies?
Not a pretty sounding picture.
But, I’m curious, what makes them cougars? Are you young and they came onto you?
Fuck, tell us how you really feel. In few words, please.
Hillarious!
“…or the top is too small”
I’ m hoping it’s this option. Nothing wrong with flauntin’ em if you got’em!!
Seriously are these woman in denial when they check their make-up and head out of doors; I’m not all that but for the love of god why are you subjecting yourself to public scrutiny like that?
i don’t know, why not stick your beak up their ass, and then come back and tell.
LOL…..pictures! We need pictures!
Why can’t you give us a location ?
C’mon a show like that needs, no it deserves to be shared.
Video & uploaded on Utube 😉
Um, if it’s a string bikini top, you’re SUPPOSED to see side boob…
Just sayin…
Oh, and if it’s their own home, I guess you *will* just have to “go the long way around”. Unfortunately “annoying” isn’t an indictable offense. Could be worse, you could live next to a 300lb nudist who doesn’t realize his “privacy fence” is too low…
I agree…I like ‘side-boob” and “under-boob’
Nothing wrong with a nice set of wobblin’ low-riders either, OP…
You know, you were mildly amusing until the whole “wish you’d die of cancer” thing…that’s just unpleasant.
..and bad karma, cancer is an undescriminating mistress, “clean life” or not, she don’t care – as I truly hope you don’t find out one day…
In fact you sound like a miserable little she-goat-child…probably not confident enough in your own under-utilized and slab sided body to even be naked in the shower while you do the two-finger boogie to your own fond memories of Lisa Loeb at grrl-pallooza ’93…
ick…
I totally agree BMF, the under side of a woman’s breast is so hot and a little side view isn’t a bad thing either!!
`Ã nd die of cancer`
Fuck you, OP. While you sound as if you have a perfect body and personal habits, that`s *bad mojo*, dude.
Bad mojo.
I also agree the ‘cancer wish’ is pretty low.
If you have ever known anyone who has suffered through cancer, you wouldn’t wish that on anyone but pedophiles & priests…which often are the same thing !
zing… arrest the pope *waving placard*
I thought sebastien was the author of this post originally. You know how horrible his attitude is and also his hatred of women.
“Lettuce outside the bun”…ugh. Just…ugh!
“Don’t knock the Cougars bro, everytime they think it’s their last time, so they give it all they’ve got. “
-Pictou cabbie
I bet if these women were hot but just as loud and annoying OP wouldn’t mind the side-boob a a bit.
“Don’t knock the Cougars bro, everytime they think it’s their last time, so they give it all they’ve got. “
That’s about, what, 30 years old? It’s a blank statement where you can put any individual or group member in there. As a teenager, it was “fat chicks”. I’m sure the same can be said about Internet dweebs and cab drivers.
Ok here’s the deal, just so everyone can stop speculating about the OP.
I am a female, not a lesbian, nor a woman hater. I know how a bikini is supposed to fit…and that ain’t it. I don’t mean a bit of bulge on the side and bottom, picture a waterballoon about the size of a watermelon with a triangle the size of a Subway napkin (maybe smaller) folded corner to corner. There is at least 4 -to 7 inches of tit hanging out in every direction.
I’m 32 I’m a size 8 or 9 and when I wear a , I have 36 DD’s and don’t have anything to that excess hanging out the side or and nothing hangs out the bottom
I have had cancer myself (have never smoked and don’t seek out a tan…use spf regularly) I watched my grandmother die of cancer and she never smoked or tanned either so it pisses me off when I see women do things like they’re begging for cancer and don’t get it.
I call them cougars because they hit on the teenage boys that mow the lawns in my neighbourhood. and when I say hit on I mean rubbing their crotch and asking if they want to see how they mow their own lawn.
I live close enough to hear them, but not see them and on an average summer day I hear them yell about 40 times either to each other, their children or random men walking past.
These are all phrases that have been uttered by the cougs
“If you don’t get your fucking feet of my fucking car I’m going to come over there and slap your fucking teeth out” – to the 9 or 10 year old son
“Hey kid, she’ll show you her tits if you go get us some smokes” – to random teen walking down the street
“What the fuck are you looking at, fucking bitch” – to the woman from Big Brothers, Big Sisters who was picking up clothing donations from the other apartment in their house.
Well, they sound like unpleasant types at that.
But a ‘cougar’ is technically a older female that was once hot(ish), has a recent divorce, and needs to re-affirm her sexuality by allowing drunk younger men to pick her up, usually in a singles bar, towards the end of the night…often when the guy’s options are limited by time….
You’re giving cougars a bad name by describing these hags as such…
Still…6 or 7 inches of boob hanging out?
mmm…
well, well…bmr…you seem very well versed in cougars 😉 care to share some tales from the bar? Are you the hot young something beating them off with a stick?
Yeah, perhaps I am insulting cougars…if you want to come up with a better name for them I’m all ears
curious… can “cougar” be used to describe men by the same definition? think I know a few..
I knew wimmen like this in ‘Nam. Confident, forthright, empowered in their own sexuality. We called them “Dirts”.
… and Small Town Lady, while I’m no capon of a male fymynyst, I believe the commonly accepted term for “pathetic skeevy old bastard constantly on the make” is…Man? Most commonly used in sentences like “I’m not gonna spread for you, you gross old _ _ _ ” At least, that’s been my experience.
Do you live in a trailer park?
Yeah, I agree this post is unfair to cougars. Cougars just want to have a good time . . . these hags just sound like trash.
OP, I think you should move away from these most unpleasant neighbors.
I wouldn’t wish cancer on anybody…you are one sick fuck.
Ah eff off, older women can have fun too. If they were on their own property and having a good time, it’s none of your business! So sorry, I forgot! Us women are only put here on this earth to grace your eyes.
Holy crap I do not want to get old.
I think their is a big difference between being an older, still-fun-lovin-good-time person and just plain awful. Lots of people live life to the fullest regardless of their age. Today, people don’t have to act like old feeble grannies and grampies just because of a number.
But in this case . . . . what the OP describes isn’t “cougar” stuff, it’s horrible, garbage kind of behavior. I mean, swearing at the Big Brothers collectors? Threatening to knock a child’s teeth out? That kind of behaviour is beyond the pale.
I would move away from these neighbors as fast as humanly possible. They sound like the bottom of the barrel.
I could care less about the issue at hand, but I enjoyed reading this bitch, the description of these wretched women was quite elegant, well done!