So there I was at the airport in Calgary, tired and worn out after my holiday of camping and hiking in Jasper. We had a fantastic time, and now all we had to do was relax on our flight home to Halifax… And then you arrived.
You sat there on your white-trash ass sucking down a mega-jumbo sized Slurpee though a half-inch bore straw, sounding like a sewage-sucking truck, while your demon-spawn, ADD addled, hyper-active brat terrorized everyone waiting at the gate.
His relentless hammering of the metal garbage can lid showed real talent – You must be proud. You sat there staring into space with the same vapid, bovine stare of a Halifax bar bouncer, unwilling or unable to even act embarrassed by the behavior of your brainless monster.
Your fat gorgon of a wife mercifully wandered away so we didn’t have to look at her disgusting mouth-breathing mug. So I wonder if you have the brain matter to even begin to imagine how over-the-moon happy I was when you lifted your ponderous bulk, collected your shithead kid and wifezilla and boarded the flight to St. John’s, NFLD!
Halle-fucking-lujah! The flight to Halifax was fine, but your absence made it so much better. Thank you, thank you, thank you. —Mr Happy Sunshine Kittens
This article appears in Aug 5-11, 2010.
Awesome, too bad you had to suffer their presence in the boarding lounge.