You’ve got to be joking. When you invited me out to have a coffee, I figured it would be the same bullshit: “Oh my hubby is still looking for work. It’s been almost two years now. He doesn’t know what he’ll do.” Or the “I love being a stay at home Mom. My little girls and I have a wonderful time.” Or the “Oh it’s so difficult. We can barely make ends meet each month. I wish he would find a job soon.” And now you give me the “Guess what! I’m pregnant! I’m so excited. I hope it’s a boy this time. Imagine, 3 girls. Oh my.” My first thought was: “What the fuck is wrong with you. You don’t work. Your husband is unemployed. You complain about never having money, and now you’re fucking pregnant again.” You (and your husband) need to be sterilized! How dare you bring another child into this world when you can barely provide for them now. They’re going to grow up to be leeches on society and trash like you and your husband. Don’t expect me to give you any gifts for this one. Fuck, you’ll probably announce in a year’s time “We’ve got another one on the way.” —Close Your Legs Hun

This article appears in Mar 24-30, 2011.

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61 Comments

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  2. It’s just as bad as the single women/girls who are having babies and daddy is nowhere in sight or paying support, yet they are sooo proud of having a kid. They have no idea of the reality. Then expect everyone to gush over the “blessed” event when it is really sad fact.

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  6. Ugg, sounds like a friend of mine. She was trying to convince me on the virtues of being a parent and how there is never any right time, she had her child and everything is all right. Except we have different ideals. My partner and I have massive student loans, so our thinking is get those things paid off before we have kids. She is able to live off of mommy and daddy’s money. We want to be able to support our offspring without help from anyone else. I don’t know what is wrong with people.

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  8. I sort of agree there’s no right time, but at the same time there are times where it just ISN’T the right time. I mean, tons of friends are having babies lately, and even just buying shower gifts it’s mind boggling how expensive it is.

    I could support a child right now if I so happened to be in a situation where I became pregnant, and I have a great family lawyer who will ensure I get the appropriate child support (lol), and if I was to have a child now that was unplanned (a ‘surprise’ a friend of mine says about her impending little bundle of joy) I would be over joyed and totally in love with my child and emotionally/physically/intellectually, I’m totally ready to have a baby, but I want more for my kid than what *I* can provide right now. I want my children to go to private school, for example, I want to be able to put my children in ballet lessons or music lessons, and I want to be able to have the extra disposible income to be able to provide all the ‘fun things’ kids like and not have to say “no” because I don’t have the money. I don’t think a parent is a bad parent if they can’t provide this, there are many great parents who can’t. But, my parents were able to provide those types of things for me and I’d like to be able to pass that onto my kids as well. In fact, my parents only had one child so they COULD provide all those things.

    Basically, while an unplanned pregnancy can happen despite proper precautions put in place, it’s rare, and it’s irresponsible, especially for the existing children of this woman, to bring another child into the world. Raising kids ain’t free.

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  9. Also: there are some guys who are like SUPER sperm machines and seem to have better luck than most knocking the ladiez up. It always amazes me how one of my good friends got preggers while on the pill, while some people never conceive while practicing the pull out method over a long period of time, for example. *shakeshead*

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  10. you know it snubiz…i have a playlist at the shop, monty python sings and some rude zappa songs. servings of offensiveness for all

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  12. Speaking of pregnancy, I lost mine a week after I discovered it. I did a second test a few days after the first and it was a bit faded. I didn’t think much of it because the first one was so clear but then 4 days later my period came. apparently it was a “chemical miscarriage.” It’s really dissapointing…but we’ll keep trying. I just hope my window doesn’t close before it’s too late! F%$#@!& endometriosis!!

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  13. I’m really sorry to hear that, Z 🙁 But, if you’ve conceived twice, there’s a good chance you’ll concieve again 🙂

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  14. I got bingo-ed hard last time we visited family in Montreal who said dismissive “Oh, it’s never the right time, but it’s SOOOOOOO wonderful when it happens!” type stuff. I don’t think they understand that I don’t want to have kids until I can afford things that they really take for granted, like home ownership, paying off of student loans, and vehicular access. Our life would be so hard if I had a baby and we couldn’t afford for three people to eat in our household- the best thing I could do for my family is throw myself off the bridge after baby makes 3 because 3 is one person too many for our budget.

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  15. OP, location? Spryfield, Sackville, or North Preston? When’s the 4th, 5th, and 6th one going to pop out of her cunt? Maybe it’s a litter.

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  16. Sabastian – once again – fuck you!.

    Z – I’m really sorry to hear that – I remember you saying awhile back that you were expecting again. I really hope all goes well.

    Babies are great – but there is a right time and a right place. Babies are expensive!!!

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  17. I wish there were good cloth diaper services in HRM. A friend of mine out west has an AMAZING cloth diaper service and she’s saving quite a lot of money. When she came back to NS for xmas she switched to disposibles for the visit and she said there was always tons of leakage of poop, while the only leakage ever with the cloth was a little bit of pee.

    I’m totally going cloth when I have kids 🙂

    *sigh* I totally want a baby. (though I should PROBABLY start with a relationship first :P)

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  18. Well stricktly speaking it’s Hon. Unless you’re talking about someone belong to the Hunnic Empire. Otherwise MYOB op. Little things like this that appear to be ridiculous just cause one grief. Let it be. Her issue. Sad thing is that child will have to live with stupid parents.

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  20. I had sensed some sarcasm in mel’s post, Donk. But I agree – can’t afford it? Dont’ get ‘er on.

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  21. Yeah ralmn, I do believe mel is intelligent enough to not use that excuse, but it isn’t inconceivable to imagine that some brain dead people would actually use it.

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  22. Ivan, I always seem to chuckle at your posts, is it becoming an unhealthy infatuation? (maybe its the python)

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  23. As long as you aren’t a big fan of John Fowles’ “The Collector” or harbor plans to exhibit me in a very large bell jar in your basement, I’d have to say No – it’s not unhealthy at all. There are a bunch of us Python fans here (Paingirl, The Black Rose, Basil Brush,to name a fewl) Keep laughing brother; I enjoy your work as well.

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  24. One great thing about sebastian is that he’ll never reproduce. He can’t find a guy to date so I sincerely doubt any chick would ask him to be the Will to her Grace (until she finds a Leo).

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  34. Ivan, I am not a pussy. LOL. BTW if you want to use cloth, why need a diaper service? Use your washer and dryer. I know mosts mothers with kids 40 and over did when there were no disposables.

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  37. I’m an army brat, Anglo. Born in New Bumsuck, grew up in Alberta, Uni in Halifax, parents retired in Ontario. British pop culture was a part of my growing up. Airfix models. Python- Colditz-Sherlock Holmes on CBC. Corgi editions of Sven Hassel, the Flashman books, anything about Spitfires & Lancasters. The Eagle has Landed, A Bridge Too Far , James Bond at the cinema. Guinness, Kilkenny & Newcastle Brown down my gullet.
    In short – a typical Canadian – appropriating from cultures better than my own >; )

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  38. That sounds like one interesting upbringing. Can’t drink guinness but i would love to watch the early Bond films in a cinema though, not the Roger Moore ones because i’m a Connery Man, love the books also.

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  39. I’d just like to also relay my adoration for mr ivan. both on here and irl he is an absolute delight 😀

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  41. think i’ll find me one of these people, and sit back and relax for the rest of my life. okay, having a little one IS special. but not at the cost of everyone else supporting it, til it turns 18 or goes to jail, for a few months for murder or something.
    nope baby machine, the buck has to be passed on to the hubby now. he wants a job, there are cleaning companies hiring everyday. mickey d’s, timmies, and a whole lot more. there is no place on an app. for laziness as an occupation.

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  42. knock, knock, ahem, this is oppertunity, and i’m calling you. the suckster is at your service, day or night, i even make ahem, house calls. tra da.

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  47. Yes, my birth control being too expensive was sarcastic haha. It’s just an excuse that morons use. “I can’t afford $20[ish] a month on birth control and don’t believe in abortion or adoption but I’m going to keep having sex anyway and then when I do get pregnant, I’ll act like it’s a ‘blessing’ not an accident and take weekly pics of my belly and put them on facebook and if it’s a girl I’ll name it Naveah because all unplanned babies seem to be named Naveah and rake in the baby bonuses et al!”

    Ugh.

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  48. I believe Naveah (Nivea variation) was a singer who had a hit called ‘Don’t Mess With My Man’ circa 2000. The story fits mel, it fits.

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  50. ooh my goodness that pic reminds me of the kid who’s mom wanted to name her after the Cosby Show star Tempestt Bledsoe (played Vanessa Huxtable), but was illiterate and spelled it Temptress. Imagine.

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  52. Mi madre wanted to call me V. Just ‘V’ (how avant-garde, lol). Strangely I don’t hate it. Her eventual choice was after my g-ma. It’s different but I don’t think it’s an odd out there name. The only person to ever explicitly ask where it was from was my Turkish grade 11 science teacher. Turns out it’s Slavic and my last name is Teutonic. I’m neither of those things? Eh, go figure. Just name your kids something that won’t be forever damaging to future career choices or you know life in general.

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  53. mohammed is the most popular boy’s name in the world, with david pulling up second…you have me vewy vewy curious as to your real name dearest donk

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  54. PG, I’d just say it but it’s VERY distinguishable. There’s only one of me on Facebook and dare I say it … the world, which is why I hate wearing a name tag at work, in case of creepers.

    We shall meet at a summit and I’ll share, haha 😀

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  56. Thanks Pk and Real Chick; it’s defenitely dissapointing but I hope we get lucky soon.
    Pk, I was thinking about cloth diapers when I had my first but then I learned about the bleach they use to clean them, which sort of negates the whole environmental thing in my mind…atleast enough for me to buy disposeable guilt free! 😛

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  57. Actually, the reason why i say I’d love this company to bring their service here (from BC — they DO have one in ontario though, I believe) is because they don’t use bleach! It’s called “happy nappy” and my friend, who’s very concerned about the bleach and chemicals in disposible diapers, raves about them and their service. And if your baby’s not potty trained by a certain age the service is free. They also give discounts for more than one baby.

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  58. Z – From OSHA – In the environment, chlorine bleach (Sodium Hypochlorite) eventually breaks down into water, oxygen, and table salt (sodium chloride or NaCl) – the same chemicals that are used to create it. Highschool chemistry.

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  59. You do know your body makes bleach in immune response … along with a lot of unsavoury molecules, yeah acetone, we make that too … … It’s not as bad as people would have you think. I believe is becomes “bad” when it gets exposed to other compounds which, I suppose is good that you worry about.

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  60. Hugo, I SUCKED at high school chemistry! But that’s good to know…maybe I’ll try them for ther next one! But it’s nice to know not all companies use bleach, Pk!

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  61. I know a few of these people – it angers me thinking about them.

    There should be rules with having children. You can’t have them unless you can afford/take care of them.

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