An elderly man went in to pay for his gas. When he came out he started digging in the garbage can hoping to find some money coupons BUT he did not come back to his car for at least four minutes. Finally he had seen the look on my face and he darted to his car like a bat out of hell. I did not say a word to him because he was elderly and I did not want to upset him. He did not look like he was hurting for money. He had a beautiful car and he was well groomed and well dressed. I guess the more you have the more you want even if it means digging out of the trash for money coupons. —Patiently Waiting for My Gas
This article appears in Nov 1-7, 2012.
how did you know he was looking for coupons if no words were exchanged? maybe he dropped his dentures before you drove up? maybe that’s why he looked embarassed?
and why call yourself patient when your look obviously wasn’t?
thngs that make me go hmmmmmmmmmmm
I remember about hearing about a millionaire when I was a kid…
he pinched every penny to amass his fortune.
We could tell because he was the guy pilfering everyone’s uneaten popcorn from the bags thrown away from the movie showing prior.
What does patient look like?
Maybe he was making sure the body parts he threw in the trash weren’t sticking out, noticed the OP watching him, panicked and ran before the cops were called.
Who’s next to play “Guess What the Old Man was Doing”?!
he was looking for his lost youth!
He was succumbing to the potion of lunacy and Alzheimers and thought he was having a conversation with the trash.
He was looking for the ransom drop.
whatever it was, it must have been something very valuable for him to spend 4 minutes looking for it, because if he is old, that 4 minutes is a much, much greater percentage of his remaining time on earth than it would be for you.
His retirement watch!
a cup to pee in?
I knew of a wealthy lady who used to buy all the dented canned goods at the grocery and got it at a discount. She laughed all the way home!
SHAKY LOGIC
“I guess the more you have the more you want even if it means digging out of the trash for money coupons.” Patiently Waiting
But what, if any, is the logical relationship between “having” and “wanting”? Does the former necessarily entail the latter? Clearly not. If, for example, I am a millionaire does it follow as a matter of logical necessity that I want more money? No, it does not. If I have a luxury car does it follow as a matter of logical necessity that I want a bigger car? No, it does not. If I have many lovers does it follow as a matter of logical necessity that I want more? No, it does not. Clearly there is no logical relationship between “having” and “wanting.” So it seems that “Patiently Waiting” is unfairly projecting his own psychology of “having” and “wanting” onto the unfortunate elderly man. But what other factors might explain his behaviour?
“Patiently Waiting” does not indicate how he knew that the elderly man was digging in the trash for “money coupons”. What sort of “money coupons” would be in the trash at a service station anyway? I have never seen “money coupons” in the trash at service stations but I have seen other objects including some of a very personal nature.
Perhaps the elderly man lost a personal possession during a previous visit to the service station. Perhaps, during a session of vigorous sexual intercourse with one of his many lovers during a quick stop at the service station his watch flew out the window and he was checking the trash can to see if it was there. Perhaps he thought he had mistakenly thrown away a nearly full package of condoms into the trash can that he had just bought at the counter prior to engaging in vigorous sexual intercourse with one of his many lovers and wanted to retrieve it as he usually goes through two or three condoms for each session of such vigorous sexual intercourse. Perhaps he had actually engaged in a bout of vigorous sexual intercourse with one of his many lovers and threw her torn and stained panties into the trash can thinking he could retrieve them, unobserved, the next day. Perhaps that is what he was doing when “Patiently Waiting” saw him. He was looking for his lover’s torn and stained panties.
There are many things which could explain the elderly man’s behaviour but no, looking in the trash can at the service station for “money coupons” does not seem to be one of them either as a matter of logic or of empirical fact.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
the sky is falling, the sky is falling!
well, at the very least the world as we know is coming to an end. MM is displaying some actual, bonafide, easily recognizeable HUMOUR.
i take back some of my evil thoughts – you are not really our plastic prime minister in drag.
RSVP
: Mad Dog Molly (11/02, 4:07PM)
Thank you Mad Dog. You aren’t missing a pair of panties by any chance, are you?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
100’s of them. they were always kept as trophies!
hahahahaha
so, did you leave your vehicle running all this time? if you answer yes, then you are a dummy. and how do you know he was rooting for coupons, he might have lost something there, like his keys. unless he went to more than one.
mm, you can be one sick motherfucker, and we like that around here, bravo dude. keep up the weird work, cheerio.
ok MM, i will probably regret this, giving you an opportunity, but it’s really bugging me.
you said you have never seen any money coupons in a gas station’s trash, but have seen other objects, of a personal nature.
just how often do you go rootling around in the trash cans at the local dead-dino pumps?
you looking for occam’s razor in there?
Or Schrodinger’s dead cat, you poutine loving, necro-beastialic bitch.
I guess that’s how he became well off by not wasting money or coupons. Yes it would bug the hell out of me too, but you know the old saying. Save your pennies and the dollars will come all by themselves.
geeze zzz is that for me? ’cause i love poutine, i am a bitch and i do love all my pets, past and present.
if you had said ‘girly little bitch’ i would have known immediately it was for MM.
we got a fucking french bitch teacher talking shit now. little bitch go home you coming friday to get fucked up eith this other bitchs on here. fuck you and them teacher boy go back to fucking montrel acting all smart. fuck you talk normal like people you dog fucking bitch
nukka: who are you talking to and what in the name of Sam Hill are you saying? If you would stick to regular English your posts would not be a waste of time to you or me. ????????????????
wog, i still half suspect he is some english major funning us. no one could be that illiterate and still know how to take a bus by himself.
hahahahah Good dog I never looked at it that way! I agree! lol
RSVPs
: Mad Dog Molly (11/02, 4:20PM)
Did you lose them at the gas station, Mad Dog? Were you one of those who engaged in vigorous sexual intercourse with the elderly man? Did he rip your panties from your smooth, creamy loins? Did he enter you completely up to the hilt with his magnificent, fully tumescent member? Did both of you, in the heat of a fierce sexual ecstasy, tumble out of the car door on to the ground and continue your moaning and thrusting, thrusting and moaning, culminating at length in eye-popping orgasms accompanied, on his part, by an incredibly copious spurt of sperm? Were your panties torn and stained? Did they end up in the service station trash can? Write back soon.
: Blow Me (4:54PM)
That wasn’t you rooting in the trash can by any chance, was it Blow? It fits the profile.
: Mad Dog Molly (5:01PM)
To be honest Mad Dog, I think my hypothesis about the elderly man – that he was a sexual bull of enormous potency, one given to producing enormous amounts of ejaculate – is superior to that of “Patiently Waiting” on the grounds of Occam’s Razor for reasons made clear in my “Shaky Logic”(11/02, 4:04PM). In addition to his hypothesis of the “money coupon” being intrinsically weak, his assumption to the effect that his “having-wanting” psychological construct had explanatory force was unfounded. Scrutiny revealed that it was simplistic, misconceived, and lacked efficacy both in general as summed over the entire population and in the case of the elderly man in particular.
: The Dribbler (5:08PM)
Stop dribbling.
: Mad Dog Molly (7:17PM)
“if you had said ‘girly little bitch’ i would have known immediately it was for MM.”
Mad Dog, do “girly little bitches” speak of those sexual bulls who produce”incredibly copious spurts of sperm,” of “torn and soiled panties”, of “enormous amounts of ejaculate”? You must clarify your concept of just what constitutes a “girly little bitch.” Are they written by little girls living in the Hydrostone or some other depressed area? Write back soon.
P.S. What do you think of my new (temporary) avatar?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
whippets please monsieur
MM, i will have to shun you once again. you just have to keep spoiling any fun by dipping into your masterbatory
jar of vaseline and smearing up a fun thread.
and no, the only men i have ever heard go on and on and on about ‘sexual bulls’ have been queens.
I believe Nukka is asking Monsieur to use all means of precaution if he plans to venture anywhere near Nukka’s neighborhood. He also hints that staying in Montreal may be, in fact, a more prudent approach.
Correct me if I’m wrong Nukka.
MM
MDM
If you (male) refrain from ejaculating for over a week the amount increases many times fold.
MM
You sure you didn’t just admire philosophy and miss your true area of writing? Please don’t write back.
MM has seen his letters to Penthouse Forum rejected 78 times.
RSVPS
: Paingirl (11/03, 10:19AM)
You’ll have to be patient, PG. I’m on a roll with my avatars.
: Mad Dog Molly (3:48PM)
Who said anything about it being a “fun thread”? Weren’t you aroused by the imagery of the elderly man engaging in vigorous sexual intercourse with his multiple girl friends? I know I was. But there was one phrase I wanted to use but it didn’t occur at the time. It goes like this: “The elderly man both saw and smelt her glistening, well-lubricated labia and knew at once that she was a real honey-dripper.” I bet you’re a real honey-dripper too, Mad Dog. Am I right?
You’ve been reading too much trash when you associate the phrase “sexual bull” with queens. I was thinking of Henry Miller (“The Tropic of Cancer,” etc.) where it pops up regularly – just like his magnificent member – and Henry sure ain’t (or, sadly, wasn’t) no queen.
Anyway, you mustn’t shun me, Mad Dog. I’ll be going to the gas station later on. Want to come along? Write back soon.
: Daniel Abraham (11/04, 5:05AM)
You should try it sometime, Daniel. It’s a blast. Gives you a chance to polish your imaginative prose. And what are you doing up at 5:05AM? Not what I think, I hope.
: Furious Styles (8:26AM)
You’re right FS. How did you know? Do you have any pointers? I place myself with confidence in your hands or, if you prefer, between your glistening labia, you old honey-dripper.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Your fiction smacks of fiction written by someone who doesn’t read fiction. Too surgical, maybe. Too precise in it’s desciption. Honey dripper? Zounds! I am quite the swordsman, old bean. Or as I shall call you from now on, The Foppish Dandy.
What the hell do most of you write for comments? Anything of value about the actual post?
RSVP
: Furious Styles (11/04, 12:25PM)
Sorry FS, for some reason I thought you were just another honey-dripper. However, you’ve made some interesting observations. As you know, I’m always ready to learn. What about re-writing one or two of the episodes of the elderly man engaging in vigorous sexual intercourse with one of his numerous girlfriends at the gas station? As a self-proclaimed swordsman I’m sure you would certainly have an excellent foundation on which to construct your account. Don’t forget, not too surgical, not too precise. Now, please excuse me as I must attend to more pressing matters. As always, I remain, The Foppish Dandy.
PHILOSOPHY & SOFT-CORE PORN: INCOMPATIBLE PURSUITS?
There are two points made by several respondents to my “Shaky Logic” and its sequel which are of some interest. These are the perceived incompatibility of philosophy and soft-core porn and, suprisingly given the linguistic latitude on this site, the strong vein of puritanism concealed in some of those responses. I will just use one for the purposes of illustration.
I want to argue that there is no incompatibility in pursuing philosophy and soft-core porn. A glance at the dictionary will confirm my point. “Philosophy,” according to the Concise Oxford Dictionary, consists of “Love of wisdom or knowledge, esp. that which deals with ultimate reality, or with the most general causes & principles of things.” So far so good, but what about porn? The COD has it as “The treatment of obscene subjects in literature, repulsive, filthy, loathsome, grossly indecent, lewd.” But I ask you, is not the treatment of obscene subjects and so on included in the love of knowledge dealing with ultimate reality or the most general causes and principles of things? Can anything be more ultimately more real than engaging in vigorous sexual intercourse with one’s girlfriends at a gas station? Of course not. So there is no incompatibility between the pursuit of philosophy and soft-core porn.
Mad Dog Molly (11/03, 3:48PM) illustrates my second point, that of the covert puritanism of many of the commenters on Bitch, at least among the females. As a a result of my sequel to “Shaky Logic” where I crossed that line between what was permissible and what was not, Mad Dog proclaims, “MM, i will have to shun you once again…” Now the word “shun” carries very strong Biblical connotations, commonly directed by those who possess unquestioned moral rectitude – sometimes they are known as “bluestockings” or “prigs” – against those who they claim do not. Of course, it is a matter of debate as to the extent of priggishness on Bitch but I think it is safe to say that it is quite widespread, appearances to the contrary notwithstanding.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/foppish-d…
Ha! furious has cut to the matter, MM your attempt at porn, unlike miller’s, is sterile and fastidious, in the style of one who watches through a glass, not wanting to get his hands ‘sticky’.
it leaves a slighty tofu aftertaste.
and MM, you said you never read fiction, atall atall.
submit a po-em. i bet you use the word ‘shard’ in it.
“What the hell do most of you write for comments? Anything of value about the actual post?”
We have a short attention span Sunshine. Our minds tend to wander, this bitch was originally posted on Friday that might as well been two months ago not two days. Besides the bitch is about an elderly man digging through a garbage can instead of making a beeline for his recently fuelled-up vehicle. What deep philosophical, political or scientific debate do what from that?
I work nights MM. I’m up at 1pm sleep at 6am.
I don’t read porn but I can see the points that have been brought up here. There has to be an ongoing mystery for it to be really riveting; being too precise throws away the mystery/imagination for most people most probably.
Well its nice to see you speaking some truth about porn Daniel.
Seeing as the majority of people Look at the pictures & don’t bother ‘reading’ anything else. No matter how much they may say about they actually buy a ‘mens’ porno mag ….for the articles !
Nice set of articles on the October centerfold ‘eh ?
RSVPs
: Furious Styles (11/04, 12:25PM)
Your “Mr M from Nortfordshire Suffolk-Wain,” clearly a fictitious character and place, nonetheless sounds like my kind of guy. In any case, FS, I’m still waiting for your instruction in proper porn writing, you know, not too surgical, not too precise (which, in my ignorance, I previously thought were positive attributes and not defects). We’re hoping for a porn masterpiece, FS. Good luck.
: The Prig (5:50PM)
Ah, The Prig is back up. What can she want this time? Oh, there it is! According to The Prig who is not just the arbiter in matters of moral rectitude – she drew the line Montrealman deplorably crossed in his depiction of soft-core porn at the gas station and so should be shunned – it appears that she is also the arbiter in matters of literary style as they apply to writing soft-core porn itself. She has determined that my style is “sterile and fastidious,” a consequence of my viewing the participants through a window in order not to get my hands sticky. Well, she’s right about the last part – The Prig, counter-intuitively, does not seem to mind getting her hands sticky, but she must, like Furious Styles, show me rather than just tell me what a non-sterile and non-fastidious porn style would look like. This should be interesting.
I had assumed all the readers – even those of minimal academic attainment such as one finds on Bitch – would know that Henry Miller’s work is autobiographical and therefore not strictly fiction as such. It seems, in spite of her claim to be the arbiter of literary style, that The Prig was not aware of this rudimentary fact.
Montrealman does not do poetry. No doubt The Prig is the arbiter of accomplished versifying as well as her other attainments and might, by way of an exemplar, contribute one of her own. Perhaps she will include the word “shard,” whatever that might signify.
: The Sanctimonious Twit (9:04PM)
“What deep philosophical, political or scientific debate do what (sic) from that?”
Well, try reading over the past two days of comments although I take your point about them being “deep.”
: Daniel Abraham (10:21PM)
Actually, your shock and horror at my “Shaky Logic” – how could one simultaneously engage in both philosophy and porn – was the inspiration for my exploration of the pursuit and inherent compatibility of both. However, I now learn that, in addition to my being too surgical and precise as well as being too sterile and fastidious, I have failed to provide a suitable framework, an on-going mystery for my porn to be “really riveting.”
You know what’s coming, don’t you Daniel. You’ve got to show me, don’t just tell me. Re-write the story of the elderly man engaging in vigorous sexual intercourse with one (or more) of his girlfriends at the gas station all set in the context of an on-going mystery such that it can become “really riveting.” I think we may be on to something really exciting. I mean, “riveting.”
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
‘have to’ ‘got to’
really? you silly, silly man.
?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Whatever he was doing, who knows. But watch the show extreme cheapskates.
I knew some people in my life who were similar to people like that. Not as extreme I don’t think but cheap as hell even though they made over $100k a year, had a nice house and a nice car, except used the food bank and went to second hand shops for clothing!
Sometimes the people who look like they have the most money and stuff actually don’t because they spend all their money trying to look rich.
randomness, what’s wrong with anyone at all going to secondhand shops for clothing? now the food bank? absolute no-no unless you actually need it, but secondhand shops are not income limited. anyone who buys something is contributing to the charity that runs it. if they were giving away the stuff, that would be different.
or did you just think it strange that someone would buy secondhand if they could ‘afford’ new?
tj, dead on! all that brand name stuff. they should pay the wearer for advertising their brand on their asses.
Next time you drive past a second hand store,count the number of expensive cars parked in the store’s parking lot.It’s not just the “poor” who shop at those stores.
MM
LOL