To the gentleman who pinched a loaf in the urinal in my office… Thank you. That took dedication and balls. Could you imagine if someone would’ve walked in on you squatting over the urinal? What would you have said? What would you have done? Pure GOLD my friend. Way to stick it to the man. —Crap factory

This article appears in Mar 24-30, 2011.

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27 Comments

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  3. Prolly not pure gold for the poor dude who’ll have to clean it. The only one you’re sticking it to is the minimum wage lad trying to make ends meet.

    Really – I think this is a bit sarcastic… perhaps it should be a bitch?

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  4. Shhhhhhhhh! A metaphysical debate about whether a sarcastic love is ,or is not, a bitch is the kind of thing that a certain Montreal based pedant would swarm to like Mary Clancy to the last slice of linzsertorte.

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  5. I am crying after reading this love! Fantastic display of sarcasm. I needed to read this on a Friday afternoon.
    Ralmn – I felt terrible after your comment though sweetie about the lad.

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  11. Whistleblower? Deep Throat? zedileaks? What do you know here Zedman and when did you know it?

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  12. it’s a conspiracy man….
    it’s all a conspiracy.

    Roll up the rim? conspiracy. they add a special drug in the coffee every year at this time to make you succumb to more and more coffee….

    Easter Bunny? conspiracy. it’s to fool children right before exam time into thinking lagomorphs lay eggs and thus lowering their overall scores on their science tests… this lets Asian countries continue to appear as the leaders in education.

    Daylight Savings Time? conspiracy. forcing us to awaken prior to the daylight, altering our perception that we should be awake when it’s light out….. and thus furthering the coffee conspiracy mentioned above… it should be called DayNight Savings time.

    the list never ends man….

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  13. Easter Bunny? conspiracy.????
    Stay off the love section if you’re just going to ruin every damn holiday for me Z3!!!!!

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  15. well I’m not about to come on here and “ooooh” and “ahhhhh” and “this is a cutesy widdle luv that made my heart melt like a bag of peeps in a rainstorm of splendor”….

    bleck.

    and just for you…
    Mothers’ day? CONSPIRACY
    lowly flowershop owners were all like “There’s no holidays coming up this spring and we have this butt-fuck load of fresh flowers just everywhere”… think about as abundant as lube at sebastien’s last house-party… “we need to sell this shit. I KNOW, we’ll get the women to think it’s because they’re all special and wonderful… they’ll believe that crap… and then DEMAND the flowers! that’s perfect! we should call up Hershey and see if they can help us with this…”

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  16. we can’t have flowers in the house, the tard chews on them and drags them around

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  17. Yeah, but what about father’s day, zed?

    And give the preggo a break. Poor thing’s hormones are probably running her ragged.

    Maybe stick to LTWWB instead of LTWWL until she pops the wee one out? LOL

    FUCK I’m bored today [at work].

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  18. that’s not a very nice name for your sig other…
    though he sounds like he should be on meds.
    🙂 or have you got him on a new diet craze

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  19. What the…

    now you’re just not making sense.

    Also: ouch on the sig other thing. OUCH. 🙁

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  20. Wait a minute….

    Did you mean PG or were you just being mean to me (both, of which, are not out of the realm of possibilities)?

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  21. you snuck in with your post before my happy click-finger was able to process….
    and I’m not so sure flowers are given on father’s day….
    maybe sebastien…

    Father’s day is a conspiracy…
    usually to commit murder because of all the ethanol consumed…

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  22. I haven’t spent a Father’s Day with my dad in…. a decade? Not because he’s an absent father or anything, but because obv. he’d rather go play music than spend a day with his adorable, wonderful, highly gifted and talented little girl. I know my place, trust me. His precision bass is his favorite child for realz. 🙁

    Works out for me in the end though, because I don’t have to do shit for him all day.

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  23. and that’s all fathers really want from their kids….
    and certainly not a cheezy tie.

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  24. And here I thought most fathers wanted to spend the day with their kids (well, human kids, anyway).

    Then again, I haven’t spent a mother’s day with my mom since 2004. Last year I actualy forgot about it. Oops. I *did* call her though. Just because I call her every day.

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  25. PK – he meant Miss Pains tard comment.

    My mother past 5 years ago – So I never miss a mother’s day.
    My dad wants to be taken out for a big breakfast…he wants expensive stuff but usually gets golf shirts. He’s a cheesy dad though.
    I think most dads would like to go golfing without their kids – and come home to BBQ steak dinner with all the fixens. (that’s what my partners getting this year).

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  26. Yeah, I figured that when I looked at the times of the posts. Epic. fail. 🙁

    That must be tough to have your mother gone especially around mother’s day. I would be gutted if I lost my mom. Last year, mother’s day ended up being the day after i flew into quebec, and it totally slipped my mind until someone said they had to call their mom for mother’s day. Every other mom’s day I’ve either had to work or I’ve been out of the province. I make up for it though and usually take my mom out for a girl’s day. That’s what she loves the most in the entire world: having a girls day and going shopping with me. Or just vegging and watching HGTV. I’m moving out in a few months and we already have a standing mother-daughter night on Wednesday to watch our favorite HGTV show — Ambrose Price 😛 She’s going to come over (and bring food, lol).

    My dad is… well my dad is very attached to me — one would say I have him wrapped around my little finger (which is pretty typical with fathers and daughters :P), but music is his passion and going to his jams on Father’s Day is what he wants to do so I don’t make a fuss. Music is serious business to him and as long as I’ve been alive, I’ve known to not touch his bass. I don’t even look at it for fear of being yelled at “hay! don’t look at that bass! Your glare might… somehow ruin it!” lol. Last time he and mom did up their wills though, I made sure he left it to me — he wanted to leave it to a family friend, but no frigging way. When he passes away I’m going to display it wherever I live so he’ll always be around 🙂

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  27. “golfing without their kids – and come home to BBQ steak dinner with all the fixens”

    sign me up.
    This should be my next birthday…

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