You were new in our workplace and you were even new in town. You knew no one here and you were all alone. Everyone at work including me could tell that you were shy and lonely and that you were looking to make new friends. But *I* was the only one who made an effort to be friendly with you! Everyone else didn’t even bother with you, but I included you, I invited you to hang out with me and my friends on the weekends, I encouraged you to come to our work parties. I even suggested to our co-workers that they should make you feel more welcome (and not ignore you)! We became good friends, and you also hit it off with my friends.
But ever since you came out of your fucking shell at work (within the last month or so), you proceeded to socialize with our other co-workers– the very same ones who made no effort to befriend you or make you feel at home– and now you barely talk to me! Nowadays, you blow me off and spend your weekends with them! WTF! On top of that, this weekend I found out that you had a little get-together, and didn’t even bother to invite ME!! Well, you know what? Fuck you! Don’t ever ask me for another favour ever again, you just lost a true friend! And if your *other* friendships (and I’m sure they will, because I know some of the co-workers you ditched me for, and they are total DOUCHES!!) ever fall through for some reason, don’t fucking come crawling back to me! I can’t be bothered with bullshit from people who just take-take-take!I’m done with you!!!
—Why Do I Bother?
This article appears in May 28 – Jun 3, 2009.
You creeped her out.
Get used to people using nice guys like you as their stepping stones, ‘bother’, it’s a dog eat dog world out there.
I’m with NGF on this one…unless he is being sarcastic..hmm..
Uh, maybe she just got along with those people better once she came out of her shell and showed them what she’s really like. It blows but whatever, move on.
rule of thumb… don’t party with people from work. No matter how lonely or seemingly friendly because as soon as your job disappears so does the friendship and life’s too short for elusive “friends”, in my opinion.
I dunno kay, speaking strictly from my own personal experience… I have friends from work that I keep in touch with after leaving the job. Same with high school, college dorms, vacations, clubs and programs, even someone I met on a bus. I think making good friends depends on the people you meet rather than the place you happened to meet them in.
OP, don’t even waste another minute thinking about it – it is so not worth it! Step back, walk away, and don’t make the same mistake again. I wouldn’t rule out socializing with people from work altogether – just be a little more “street smart”, that’s all. Good luck and force a smile when you go into work tomorrow – they will all wonder WTF you are up too!
You did too much, OP – always keep a safe distance from a coworker unless there’s an instant connection beyond feeling sorry for someone. This person chose to move here and start a new job, it should be her responsibility to make her own damn connections. Boy, this reminds me once again why I’m soooo glad I work with guys (except for the pencil-necked boss). No hidden agendas, only lots of laughs with my boys.
I was being sarcastic, but I wondered if the gal thought that you wanted to be more than friends or something. Plus, other colleagues could be saying the same things you are (or worse) about you! Think of it like this: I bet everyone of us on here knows one person in our social networks whom we blindly refer to as “douchebag(s)”.
Not trying to jump on OP or make fun of them, but we’re only hearing his rant vs. the entire story. It does suck that someone you were friendly with and nice to is suddenly copping some attitude and maybe ignoring you. However, at the same time – the work place is different than other organizationl cultures like school, etc.
Maybe the new gal has more in common with the so-called douchebags than the party animal OP and his posse. Human behaviour is a beautiful thing.
TTFN I completely agree! I miss working with all guy’s. You can so easily tell them to piss off when they are annoying the fuck out of you, and then they can tell you to fuck off back. After work you go out and get a beer. It’s freakin awesome.
I agree with you too fizz.
You “bother” because you are better than most people.
Now THAT was the remix, yo!
Once you’ve had about 10 years in the work force and rolled through a workplace or 2 or 5 (Angel, Fizz) come back and tell us how many lasting relationships were formed with coworkers…. not impossible but very very rare.
stepping stone – a means to an end, or an opportunity that can lead to “bigger and better” things.
sorry…
It’s hard to believe that no one would want to stay friends with kay once they no longer had to see her every day for work.
My handle doesn’t change the facts of life.
Enough is enough, CHILDREN. Be good bitches now and just GET OVER ME.
Umm..so your saying that I shouldn’t be friends with anyone at work because I probably won’t develop a lasting friendship with any of them…that’s lame.
Having friends at work is a good thing! it makes for a good day!
Although ti is a cut throat world
Maybe you just aren’t the type of person people want to be friends with Kay 🙂
Why would you say that, Miles?
No reason. Just thinking outside the box.
Just to be mean… you mean. Say what you mean.
I’ve worked a ton of jobs in different countries and I have to say that while I’m obviously not friends with everyone I was when I was working there, there is more often than not at least 1 good friend who I’m still in contact with today. You never really know who that person is going to be and it’s always worth finding. I’ll add that the job I have now makes me (and my peers) highly marketable both here in Halifax and in other parts of the country. I have multiple friends who have left me to go on to other things who I am still in constant contact with. I agree wtih Fizz – it’s the people you meet, not the place you met them in which counts.
I do say what I mean Kay. I meant MAYBE you aren’t the type of person who people want to be friends with. I base that statement on you saying that you don’t retain work friends after you leave a job and I base it on your reputation here. The smiley face meant that I wasn’t trying to be mean, but was making light of the fact that people aren’t that friendly to you here.
I really don’t expect you care what people think of you anyway, so I thought it was OK to make a little joke at your expense…so, not to be mean or cruel, but just a head nod to the obvious role you play here on LTWWB.
Don’t take anything I say too personally Kay. Remember that I don’t know you or who you are/what you are like in real life…so why would anything I say hurt you? I thought you would understand that, so if I hurt you feelings I am truly sorry. I don’t want to be mean to you Kay. I…I…well I kinda like you….friend <3.
Miles, maybe YOU should “remember that [you] don’t know [me] or who [I am or] what [I am] like in real life” BEFORE you go out of your way. Maybe….
Yet more ‘Friendly Nova Scotia’ tossed my way. Thanks a lot… “friend”… whatever.
so…apology NOT accepted?
Kay-Fed you humble pie n chips?
And hamburger helper…and handed my ass too me. It was properly spanked.
I assumed and made an ass of u and med.
My meds do make me a bit of an ass sometimes…
“Miles, maybe YOU should “remember that [you] don’t know [me] or who [I am or] what [I am] like in real life” BEFORE you go out of your way. Maybe….
Yet more ‘Friendly Nova Scotia’ tossed my way. Thanks a lot… “friend”… whatever.”
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Kay, I don’t know you either buuuuuuuuuuuuut, I can tell you anyone with an attitude like yours is a fucking piece of shit. Cheers from NS, please leave. 🙂
I’ve formed some wonderful friendships with coworkers throughout my (over 10) years in the workforce. In fact, one of the best friends I’ve ever had I met at work 7 years ago. Maybe I’ve just been lucky, but I’ve worked with some fabulous people, and I have a ton of former colleagues I keep in touch with. I agree with fizz and SBW, you can meet quality people anywhere.
Or MAYBE, you are the kind of person people want to be friends with meOw.
*major eye roll*
ROTFLMAO@Miles
Well, I am cute, smart, and rather sassy……I know I’d want to be friends with me! 😛
Does this mean we are friends again Kay?
LOL Miles. Okay. Let’s try again.
I met my best female friend at work. We went to HS together but didn’t know each other until we worked together. It’s been over 8 years and we’re as tight as ever — even through moving to different provinces and different countries! My mom’s best friend of 30 years was someone she met at work too.
So, while I think there should be some professional distance from co workers for the most part, friendships can and do happen through workplace situations.
I suppose it all depends on your definition of “friend”
FRIEND – noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.
kay, pay special attention to the second part of #3 🙂
so don’t come to LTWWB looking for friends either, gotchya!
So, what do you mean by friend Kay? (with respect to your comment on PK’s post)
By clinical definition me0w is right and who am I to argue with Webster? In practical terms, however, I think a “friend” is something quite different from an “associate”. It’s a trust factor, I think. What do you think?
I agree Kay, I was just confused why you said that in response to PK’s comment. It sounded like you didn’t think PK’s friend was a “real” friend.
I said that to me0w’s comment which highlighted definition #3, which didn’t impress me. If I’m not hostile toward you, you can assume you’re a respected “associate” but not necessarily a “friend”. I’ll bet everybody here has a lot of those and I wonder if the bitches confuse the association with friendship.
Kay, I have had well over ten years in the workforce and have made approximately seven friends from work that I still keep in contact with and see regularly. I was the maid of honor at the wedding of two of them (wed to each other). Three of them I am extremely close with, and one I dated for four years. The last one moved away two years ago, but visits often.
Oh that’s so good for you, Fizz. Thanks for sharing. Have a lovely day