Turdling

i have some issues with my sister, but her brightness surely isn’t one of them. she’s a crackerjack. she also has a terrifying and relentless sense of logic – one doesn’t want to debate her unprepared.

stealing is stealing, whether a couple of squares of toilet paper or the crown jewels, and in this family we don”t steal. my mother made us believe we would spontaneously combust if we tried. i will confess here to all the world. i did once. i wanted to be in a particular ‘gang’ and was told i had to shoplift something from a store. shoplift=stealing, its not a lesser thing. i grabbed a skinny jar of green olives from the grocery store in my neighbourhood. Mr A the store man caught me and told me never to come back. for DECADES after that i practically wet myself even going by the store on the bus.

so….stealing toilet paper with the intention of taking it home to poop is wrong. being able to hold one’s poop long enough to get to a public toilet is good old wasp rectitude.