Halifax, I have been inside you for almost 700 days, I would like to know why you are pushing me out of bed, and making me feel like my tits are weird or that I have bad breath. I shower most days. I am very apt at producing jokes. I understand basic English and also buying a beer to seal the deal. But you are a hard date to get to bed with. I know I did not go to school in Paris. I know my outfits don’t carry as much plumage as you. I know that I don’t know all the people you know and have been in your bed almost your entire life, and what I know most of all is that I am not going to whore myself to get you drooling bud. I’ve been around, you know (in other beds) and most beds are very kind to new “comers” (in fact, it makes them wet with excitement). I am trying really hard to get under the covers here, but I feel like I’m trying to score with my high school life. I know that being wanted is really important for you, and I know you like to have your bed made the same way every day, but you’re giving me blue balls. I think you need to read the New York Times tomorrow morning, while you lay in bed, nonchalantly after all that sex you’ve have with your buds, and read The Moral Bucket List. Because there is such a thing as self-satisfied moral mediocrity. —BlueBallsNovaScotia
This article appears in Apr 16-22, 2015.
Get out of me! It’s your feet…
You sound pretty mediocre yourself.
Blue Balls, autofellatio would be the obvious answer.
Is this for real? Fuck off back to PEI.
2 hip 2 b red.
Where’s “The Duke,” our top commenter?
Dearheart, the Duke died in 1979.
Then how come he’s our top commenter? I realize the comments are usually pretty poor but I didn’t think that they were that poor!
Oh look! I just checked and guess who’s the Top Commenter? That’s right, it’s me! But how come The Duke is number 2? I think we should all start keeping score! Let’s start with the next bunch of bitches. I know I will.
You’ve always bottomed from the top you old bicycle seat sniffer.
Feel free to twang your wire on an hourly basis , there’s a good chap
Excellent Titus. A bit of code there to throw the Mod off the scent. We’ve got to stick to our story. But is it very cold out there in exile? Are you lonely? Don’t forget, under the wire. I’ll pass by again shortly. Mum’s the word.
Speaking of Hitler, I’m presently reading Maja Suderland’s “Inside Concentration Camps”(2009: English translation 2014) which takes a “sociological perspective” on the camps which I find evanescent to the point of transparency. It appears that such a perspective is to be distinguished from historical or biographical accounts on the basis of the “sociological constants” of gender, class and something she calls, borrowing from Pierre Bordieu, the “social libido” by which she means the primal need for humans to bond together regardless of circumstance.
While there may well be something about this primal need in your own case – one thinks of your need to reconnect with your ex-fellow bitchers as you are now clearly doing – I must say that I find her account evanescent to the point of transparency on the grounds that such “social libido,” rather than being some sort of autonomous sociological category, is simply an ordinary commonplace assumption governing everyday life.
But perhaps you want to check it out for yourself and compare your own experiences of the destruction of your own social libido – your expulsion from the warm and comforting embrace of your fellow bitchers – with Suderland’s sociological rendering. This would provide a valuable first person account which might go some way to confirming her views.
In any case, I’ll pass your greetings along to Mum.
montrealman,
The Duke persona has ridden off into the sunset on the Tennessee Stud. You must know that old song?
“The Tennessee Stud was long and lean
The color of the sun and his eyes were green.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_X_SWuwM7k
Before his departure he asked me to convey his profound and heartfelt congratulations at your having attained the summit of the steaming pile of dung otherwise known as Mount Bitch.
However, now that your life’s work has culminated in such an auspicious achievement, he felt it incumbent upon him to pass along a word of caution. As the mythological character Icarus found out, it is important to avoid the equally dangerous temptations of complacency and hubris. Neither fly too low nor too high because the sea’s dampness will clog your wings and the sun’s heat will melt them.
Regards,
Son of The Duke
^^^ P.S.
The Duke’s friend, the Egghead, is travelling with him as a spiritual advisor and confidant.
Despite having strong social democratic leanings, Egghead laments the efforts by his fellow “leftists” to stifle free speech. Their tactics (such as demonization, shouting down , oppressive political correctness, and censorship) leave a bad taste in his mouth. Much can be learned from harsh opinions, dissenting voices, and being given the opportunity to counter the opinions of those with whom we disagree.
Happy trails!
Son of the Duke (* riding off into the sunset )
Interestingly enough I was just applying some lard to the cat’s boils (poor beastie) and was wiping my hands with an old copy of Paideusis from 2006 with a most tepid article entitled: “A World of Our Own: The Third Reich and the Flight into Hypogonadism” written by some pedant whose name I can no longer recall. It seems that he had discovered documentary proof that the top leadership of Nazi Germany suffered from various medical conditions specific to testicular development, or lack thereof. Adolf Hitler, it seems, was believed to be suffering from Monorchism, only having a single testicle. Herman Goering, Reichsmarschall of the Luftwaffe, may have been suffering from Klinefelter syndrome, one of the characteristics of which is testicles of inordinately small size. And, in a coincidence of almost unbelievable probability, Reichsfuhrer der S.S., Heinrich Himmler may have been afflicted with the same condition. But the most extraordinary conclusion was the Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels presented a classic case of Cryptorchidism – in other words he possessed no testicles at all. The evidence, however, was rather specious and the hermeneutic causal link was unsupportable. They’ll publish any old rot these days.
Give my best to all the boys and girls outside the wire experiencing varying degrees of the frustration of their social libido, of that withdrawal from the comforting confines of Bitchland and the consequent loss of existential meaning. Tell them to keep warm. Now I’ll have to return to the melancholy task of commenting on today’s crop which, at first glance, appears to be dispiritingly thin. Auf Weidersehen!
Actually, we’d doing pretty dang well, MM, although we do miss your entertaining posts. Life will go on and so will the Summit Bitchers. With no finger punching moderator to delete our posts, it is quite refreshing, actually. Our group will grow and evolve, something I can’t say about the LTWWB. Love, Tee Tee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5pvpIvz5Y…
Glad to see that you’re holding up, Good Dog. However, I must admit I’m mystified. How is it that, having been banished from Bitchland, you can both read the comments and comment on them? It appears that you have entered an ontological twilight zone, one in which you both are and are not in Bitchland. Do you find this disturbing? Do you experience anomie, a loss of identity with accompanying existential angst? Write back soon.
We have the distinct advantage of friendship in person, thanks to our Fearless Leader, Pretty Kitty. Sunday brunches and throwing Caesar olives at Ivan is certainly the highlight of my month!
What a blessing and what a curse LTWWB has been! Banned we may be but we’ve had the last laugh, my friend. We can still comment on the lame bitches, chew on them to our heart’s content and spit ’em (metaphorically-speaking) into the gob of LTWWB’s dumb ass, hair-trigger moderator.
This isn’t Good Dog, MM, but she’s in our group. I have only one remark about the ontological twilight zone – too much beige and those fucking Keane prints of wide-eyed children have to go. If you stay long enough, Rod Serling offers you a cup of Earl Grey in a catcher’s mitt.
For example – I can’t count the number of times I’ve been unfairly banned on LTWWB yet here I am.
Good Dog is doing just lovely!
Not Good Dog? This sounds like it might be Pretty Kitty. Throw a few extra olives at Ivan’s gob for me at the next summit will you? Hard.
That’s TT FoneBone, MM.
Throwing olives at Ivan’s mouth – hard – could be interpreted as oddly erotic. Is there something you would like to tell us MM?!
That sounded NOTHING like kitty you twat,…
there wasn’t even a single f-bomb.
Deleted: #26 – #29 including one of mine (#29). Can’t recall what it was, Oh well.
RSVPS
: Jesus Sonofabitch (10:54AM)
You think it was T.T. Fonebone? Any supporting reasons? The olive comment was intended literally, not metaphorically. Of course Ivan might see it in a different light.
: Willard (1:31PM)
Well Willard, it’s hard to say. I’ve heard Kitty drop a few f-bombs before but you could be right. Do you agree with Jesus that it was T.T. Fonebone? Any supporting reasons?
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
Speaking of free speech, this just in:
BOSTON—Saying that such a dialogue was essential to the college’s academic mission, Trescott University president Kevin Abrams confirmed Monday that the school encourages a lively exchange of one idea. “As an institution of higher learning, we recognize that it’s inevitable that certain contentious topics will come up from time to time, and when they do, we want to create an atmosphere where both students and faculty feel comfortable voicing a single homogeneous opinion,” said Abrams, adding that no matter the subject, anyone on campus is always welcome to add their support to the accepted consensus. “Whether it’s a discussion of a national political issue or a concern here on campus, an open forum in which one argument is uniformly reinforced is crucial for maintaining the exceptional learning environment we have cultivated here.” Abrams told reporters that counseling resources were available for any student made uncomfortable by the viewpoint.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/college-encourages-lively-exchange-of-idea,38496/
Jesus S said, “Throwing olives at Ivan’s mouth – hard – could be interpreted as oddly erotic.”
I think you are right, Jesus. I often refer to my testicles as my olives. Although, personally, since I don’t lean that way, I wouldn’t talk about throwing them into another dude’s mouth …. and not that there’s anything wrong with being into … lets call it “stuffing your olives”….,but like I said, it’s just not my thing.
RSVP
: Montrealman (04/27, 2:38PM)
I see comments 26-29 have been re-posted. Good show Mod!
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
Good show Mod?
no sentence could be more false.
Watch yourself Willard. You’re coming very close to the edge.
How so?
I do believe I’m allowed to disagree with people on here…
kinda the whole point of the place which also even includes like and dislike buttons showing as much.
troll
Welcome back!
My reply to Willard (4/28, 4:23PM) was – you guessed it! – DELETED! Don’t know why but keep smiling! (Maybe The Duke is trying to delete me back into second place on the Top Commenter list.)
Cheerio!
Don’t worry MM, there’s a FB page for that.
Not to worry montrealman. As indicted above, the owner of the Duke persona seems to have retired it and relinquished to you his spot as preeminent bitch commenter.
Your only competition now is Jesus S. – who is unlikely to usurp your title due to his being burdened by the cross which he must bear “in perpetuum”. … although, on another note, I hear he is a good lad to have at a party since he can turn water into wine … and not the cheap stuff either.
But, he can’t toss olives to save his life. They keep falling through the holes in his palms.
Ba-Dum BUM -TSSSSHHHHHHH
^^^ Ha!
That’s more of a:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8XTpCwicwE
RSVPS
Nukka (04/29, 3:06PM)
Interestingly, I’ve just come off FB where I’ve just finished posting “My Old Coins (#19)” a picture of my Short Cross Penny from the reign of Richard I (1189 – 1199) together with a commentary drawn from G.M. Trevelyan’s monumental “History of England.” “My Old Coins,” of course, is only one of several categories under which my posts are organized. I note that I have now reached 186 posts on my outstanding FB career.
Full o’ Beans (4:22PM)
Yes, it appears that The Duke has indeed passed on and the title of Top Commenter has passed to me, as his natural successor. Of course, I do wish Jesus Sonofabitch every success in his challenge for the top spot but he does have his spiritual obligations which may well make things difficult. Let’s all give him our complete support!
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
RSVP
montrealman (04/30, 8:48 AM)
I hope you’re not using FB under a false name, I hear they have zero tolerance for that.
It was a pleasure as always sharing the news!
What news are you sharing, Nukka? Is it the news that you are sharing the news? Is it an exercise in reflexivity? That’s certainly news!
“Give my best to all the boys and girls outside the wire experiencing varying degrees of the frustration of their social libido, of that withdrawal from the comforting confines of Bitchland and the consequent loss of existential meaning. Tell them to keep warm.”
Having a great time. Wish you were here.
https://i.imgur.com/101ISXm.jpg
Now, lick this behind and paste it in your stamp collection
Are you in the camps as well? Are you experiencing the frustration of your social libido, that sociological construct which posits an equivalence in power between the need to belong to a social group and the biological need to copulate? Write back soon.
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7261/7614322896_690f99463b.jpg
Bruno, what are you trying to say? Are you trying to re-connect with the comforting confines of Bitchland? Do you want me to reach out a helping hand? Write back soon.
A “gadfly” is a fly that annoys horses and other livestock, usually a horse-fly or a botfly. The term “gadfly” is also used to describe people who like to get under the skin of others and provoke them. Sound familiar?
The philosopher Socrates is said to have intentionally annoyed the Athenian political scene – which he compared to a sluggish horse – by constantly stinging it, thus preventing it from becoming more sluggish and going to sleep. When on trial for his life, Socrates pointed out that dissent, like the gadfly, is easy to suppress but the cost to society of silencing individuals who are irritating is very high. “If you kill a man like me, you will injure yourselves more than you will injure me,”.
So, swat at the gadflies by all means but remember that they do serve a purpose. They keep us on our toes by questioning.
THE GADFLY
An excellent point about the value of the gadfly, one which I wholly endorse. As a matter of fact there are some grounds for supposing that I myself play the gadfly on occasion. For example, I appear in the current edition of “Educational Theory,” a scholarly journal put out by the University of Illinois. (Do not try to buy it at the supermarket checkout.)
I take issue with one Professor Adam Bailey whose “Autonomy and the Ethical Status of Comprehensive Education” maintains that “comprehensive education,” one in which the prevailing beliefs and ways of life as embodied in what he calls “correct foundational understanding,” is sufficient to attain personal autonomy, perhaps THE guiding principle of current educational practice. He rejects what he calls “liberal education” in which such attainment can be purchased only at the expense of a sympathetic exposure to contrary beliefs and traditions. I deconstruct his argument with the result that his “correct foundational understanding” leads not so much to personal autonomy but rather to indoctrination. Bailey was given the opportunity to rely to my analysis but declined.
So I suppose you could say I successfully played the gadfly on this occasion, a role I believe I have perfected through my extensive practice on Bitch.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
RSVP mm (aka “The Gadfly”),
I was simply holding up the mirror to see if you recognized yourself.
Well done. Yes, in addition to engaging the professoriate in scholarly critique I do, on occasion, descend into the ancient Greek “agora” (what we would call “Bitch”) to engage the common folk by way of examining their unconscious assumptions. Remember what Socrates said: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So true, so true.