<If you are going to move to the suburbs, work full-time and proceed to have 3 small children under the age of 8, here is some suburban etiquette for you:
1. DON’T buy a labrador puppy if your idea of puppy care is to boot him outside at 5 a.m. and let him bark his head off for hours
2. DON’T put so much garbage outside that your yard could be mistaken for the city dump
3. You CAN’T have bonfires in the suburbs. Idiots.
4. If you insist on doing all of the above then your other neighbours who live ten feet away on all sides will HATE YOU and conspire against you
Thank you, that is all
This article appears in Mar 27 – Apr 2, 2008.
Tell them to move to Hazard county with the duke boys