It is almost always below zero celcius this winter, and sometimes down as low as -30. And you, you poor lost soul, are always wearing a low-quality, high hemline skirt. With no leggings or panty hose. Your legs are often red, which doesn’t go well with the cellulite, since let’s face it, you are not nearly as attractive and provocative as you seem to like to imagine. Your skirt rides up so high when you sit down that I’m not always sure it’s going to still cover everything when you stand up.
People look at you, sure, but trust me: it’s not the kind of look you were trying to garner. Get some nice jeans and save the skirts for MUCH warmer weather.
—Pants are not evil
This article appears in Jan 29 – Feb 4, 2009.
and you must wear jeans on monday, wednesdays, and saturdays with snowpants on tuesdays and thursday/fridays. Also, you’d better wear the shirts and jackets I set out for you and longjohns that aren’t a bright color. You can only wear one type hat but you have to have your hood up as well and you’d better make sure you have matching mittens or gloves because my fragile eyes will bleed if I see anything remotely unacceptable based on my personal tastes.
Look, if she wants to garner the red popsicle look, who the hell are you to judge?