Why do the neighbourhood kids have to be so heartless? They are all a couple of years older than my 4 year old daughter and when they have no one to play with, they play with her. They’ll bike around, play with dolls, play with Hot Wheels cars or just act silly together. I watch them and smile.
Then their friends get home and they abandon my daughter and either ignore her or make fun of her for being so young. She is heartbroken and cries her eyes out.
A few days later the cycle repeats itself. I know she is just learning about “cliques” and that not everyone is your friend and, in fact, a lot of your “friends” are just douchebags in disguise.
As a Dad it’s damn hard to watch. Maybe I’ll sign her up for Judo….
—Father of the Cheeky Monkey
This article appears in Oct 8-14, 2009.
Unfortunately, it’s a part of growing up and it happens in all cultures. Not sure what judo would do for a 4 year old though (a tad young in my eyes), girl scouts (sprites, brownies) for her age catagory would be better.
This is only one of her life’s lessons that will be hard for you to watch her learn. But, just keep in mind that those rotten ‘friends’ of hers are also just kids learning. I used to explain to my kids that they cannot control how the other kids treat them, but they can control who they choose for friends (so bad treatment can be minimized). Also, if those other children keep coming back, then you have it in your power to teach them a thing or two. Shared snacks can buy enough attention for you to get a ‘good friends are/do not…’ talk in.
Judo is one of the best martial arts for kids that age, BT, however I think that four would be a tad young also. Translated, Judo means “the gentle way”; so OP, don’t enroll your daughter with the hopes she’s going to use it to beat others up.
That’s not why judo and other martial arts systems were created.
In the class she’ll learn defence but also confidence, improved health (mental, physical, social, spiritual, emotional) and make new friends who share a similar interest.
As a dad, you could advise your youngster to avoid the older “rude” kids.
There is such a big difference between a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old . . . one is still close to being a “baby” and the other can be surprisingly “older” (a 7-year-old can be in grade 3, while a 4-year-old may not have yet had any kind of school experience at all.)
It’s not cool that the older girls are being such fair-weather friends, but really I think your daughter would have more fun with, and be able to rely on, kids her own age.
When kids are really young, that age difference is a huge deal.
And, sigh, some girls, unfortunately, can be so mean.
Maybe it’s better that she doesn’t get into the habit of tagging along with the older kids, because when she is 10 you may not want her to have “peers” that are teenagers.
You’re really complaining about 6 year olds. You’re going to have a really difficult next 10 or so yrs because once your kid starts school, it gets worse. Maybe you need to get out there and introducde your child to kids her own age so she has someone to play with with the same interests and level of playing. 4 and 6 are very different. There’s a lot that changes during those ages.
I somehow doubt her “friends” are going to read your bitch. Just saying! =)
I have attended several karate tournements and there are 4 and 5 year olds competing at a level appropriate for them. Many continue through as they get older. Confidence is inspired from an early age.
I agree with HKM. Kids can be very mean. It’s hard to stand by and watch as your child comes crying because they have been excluded. Children will have to learn to except it and chaulk it up as a life lesson…albeit this example is a bit young.
im pretty sure the dad was joking about signing her up for judo to kick the other girls butts.
haha, when she learns some kicky punchy, she’ll then be the younger kid who can kick the older kids asses! do it up!
It may be hard to watch but Cheeky Monkey is exercising a new and necessary coping skill every time one of those little buggers hurts her feelings and she gets over it. This practice, as charming as it is not, will create a very independent little girl who will not be seeking the approval of others. When you comfort her you assure her she didn’t do anything to deserve to be left out and that reinforces the skill.
If Cheeky Monkey is lucky enough to have a parent stay home now may be the time to enroll her in a couple-times-a-week daycare simply to help develop social skills she’ll need when she goes to school. Playing with older children may present some ease that may be lacking when she’s in class with kids her own age.
Good luck, OP!
Also, when she starts school there’s a bit of an age difference now. 4 and 6 year olds are in primary now that they changed the bday cut off date and let me tell you, where the kids are at maturity wise, its a big and very noticeable difference. She needs to play with kids her own age, but being around kids older too may benefit her as well because, hopefully, she will have that coping skill, which a lot of the younger ones starting do not.
The cycle of friends has just begun. Sit back and watch the life unfold.
geeze… where are all the bitches to jump all over my post? It seems “ugly on the inside” works well but only under certain threads, huh? Sheep I Tell ya! Sheep.
No, it’s not “sheep”, it’s just that on occasion you do make sense and say something worthwhile. Fair minded people will give credit where credit is due.
baaaaaaa
What a sad story. Don’t worry, when the girls get older and get knocked up at 16, you can then point at them and say to your daughter “aren’t you happy you didn’t play with them?”
Young girls can be very cruel. There is definitely a big difference between how young boys interact socially and how girls do.
Boys tend to be more physically aggressive and “rough-house” with one another, but girls tend to be just plain nasty to eachother: backstabbing, cattiness, head games, etc. My last girlfriend didn’t really like any of her female friends for various reasons, but was always oh so nice to their faces and claimed to be their “BFF’s”, etc. Of course I was the one who had to listen to her bitch about it all the time! Guys tend to be more upfront with one another, which I prefer. If you don’t like me, just say so – you’re not going to hurt my feelings, trust me, and more often than not the feeling will be mutual.
Kay get a new label for people who disagree with you.
Do you call people who agree with you “lambs of kay”?
Considering she uses ‘sheep’ as an insult most of the time, I believe that may be the worlds biggest oxymoron…that is, if sheep and lambs are suddenly interchangeable. Really though, kay’s been soaking up a shitload of attention lately, hm? Wanna talk about something *really* interesting? Like the boy named Falcon that got carried away in a spaceship today through Astral Projection on a new underground Wife Swap episode? Yeah. That churns my butter.
NO! We must NOT talk about anything else on LTWWB unless it is to do with KAY! Nothing but Kay! NAUGHTY, Dino, N A U G H T Y !
Spank me!
Don’t tempt me…
OK folks hide your sheep, kay is on the loose and they be gettin scairt. She’s worse than a Scotsman ye know.
kay is the wile e. coyote of ltwwb…
Kay is the joker, the riddler, the penguin and catwoman (maybe) to my being batman. In short she is the villain. And she is a dirty heathen villain at that. Hiss Boo Kay!!!!
Do you bitches feel better about yourselves?
You’re all very pathetic.
kay, the very fact that you go fishing for people to disagree with you shows how much attention you lack in your day to day life. I’m just happy you have LTTWB to make you feel special and important. Really, seriously, I’m glad you found your calling.
excellent tresorla! couldn’t have said it better =)
I agree that boys can make much better friends for girls at that age especially. I had a male best friend when I was young and it was great. It really helps keep your girls from becoming the catty mean types when they get older as well as they see how other people get along.
It’s also important to make sure your child knows it’s imporant to be able to have fun by herself so that when the friends run off she will be just as content to keep on playing without them. And without realising it, she’ll essentially be playing hard to get which makes people want to hang out with her more, and her not care when they don’t.