I’m tired.
I’m tired of being tired all the time.
I’m tired of complaining that I don’t have enough free time to do the things that I really want to do, and then do nothing with the free time I have because I’m too depressed to do anything.
I’m tired of feeling like an empty shell that gets on the bus every morning with other empty shells. Every day we all stare blankly at each other while we’re on our way to do the thing we hate the most but can’t afford not to do.
I’m tired of this town seemingly full of zombies like me who are obviously unhappy with their condition but have given up the fight a while ago. This town depresses me to no end.
I’m tired of dying a little more every morning I put my work clothes on. It only reminds me how different my life would have been if 20 years ago I had made the bold decision to do what I really wanted with my life, even if it meant my income might be less than half of what I’m doing now.
I’m tired of being the middle manager who gets crucified whenever his subordinates screw up, but never gets any credit when things meet or exceed expectations. I hate myself for being too much of a nice guy for this job, but the thought of becoming the kind of asshole I need to be in order to succeed in this environment is even worse.
I’m tired of being in a marriage that feels like I’m living on my own.
I’m tired of coping with your belief that happiness is measured only by the shit you buy. I’m sick of hearing that we don’t make enough money when our income is already four times what the average household earns in this shithole.
I’m tired of being called selfish whenever I dare to stand up for myself and protect my interests.
I’m tired of living in a place where my seasonal allergies are year-round and ten times worse than anywhere else I’ve ever been to. I’m only staying here because you won’t give up the job that initiated our downward spiral. It’s even worse knowing that you hate this job anyway.
Every day I feel like breaking every single piece of furniture in my office and screaming my lungs out, but sadly I’m way too fucking civilized to do that.
No one can even begin to understand how fucking tired I am. I CAN’T spend the rest of my life in the Maritimes and I CAN’T stay in this job. And I won’t.
Selfishness: No. Self-Preservation: Yes. There is a difference. —Done with the Guilt Trip, Moving Forward
This article appears in Nov 10-16, 2011.
Several planes will be leaving today. One way tickets are available, and you can sleep on the plane. Hasta la vista.
You need professional help, OP – you’re in one hell of a rut and should talk to someone who can help you sort out your mess. Looking back at what you should or shouldn’t have done is a complete fucking waste of time – all you should concern yourself with is today. I’d hate to see you become even more bitter by doing nothing.
Maybe you should see you doctor for a physical. You very well could be depressed or suffering from a sleep disorder, because most of the things that you wrote about have very little to do about a person’s happiness or energy levels.
Have to agree with Great Value, seems like signs of depression.
ah but the life of a haligonian. i’ve been there o.p, many times over. and it doesn’t get any better, unfortunately. i feel for you, i really do, but you can’t lie dwn and say fuck it. tried that before too, and did no good. got myself buried in more bills than you can imagine.
the only thing you have to look forward in life now, is that soon, you will be too old to work a steady job, and have to be pensioned off. that’s when things get really bad, and super boring. i have also been there. i now work for myself, not getting rich, but keeps bills up to date, and i like what i do.
and if sometime in future i say fuck it, then fuck it , i will. i’m not going to be tied down to one thing, all the rest of my life. i have a lot of experience, in a lot of different fields. i can stop this work today, and be doing something entirelly different tomorrow. but know this, life now, for you, is what you care to make of it. sure, it sucks nuts you have to do something you may hate. but just remember, there are 100 others out there, that would trade places in a flash. selfish, no, bored,yes, in a rut, deffinately. but remember, you at least have a job, no matter how disappointing it may seem to you right now. chin up old dog, and to hell with the rest of the rats, in the race.
“chin up old dog, and to hell with the rest of the rats, in the race”
I needed to hear that myself, this morning. Thanks, LS.
I got tired reading this rant
..and it’s gonna be better where?..
There are openings at the Occupy movement, you’d fit right in.
I actually love this bitch… the first few paragraphs are exactly how I feel lately… breaking into tears at work isnt normal… maybe I’m developing male PMS, or maybe it’s the oncoming winter or something… just want to curl up and die
The problem with the moving solution is you bring yourself.
imo, fix your personal problems first, then move if you still want to.
I totally empathize with you too, OP. You really should look out for yourself. Do what will make you happy. And maybe seek some of that help.
Hugs to you.
you’ve told us your problems op, perhaps talk to someone who can actually help you. we’re empathetic but not particularly useful
Divorce. Do it.
but watch it or the bitch will bleed you dry.
“just want to curl up and die” … yup I agree.
Here you go OP.
Sir Richard Branson was asked, “How do you do to make yourself more productive?”
And Sir Richard answered ‘ “Exercise”
From the sounds of it, you really have given up. But hear this: You only live once, and this is your life. Start living it how you want, how you dream.
Exercise will give you more energy, you will need to sleep less (giving you more time), You will not be exhausted any more, you will be more energetic, it will help your allergies, you will seek healthier foods to help your body, You will become happier and healthier, your feelings of depression will evaporate as you turn your life around. Once you start taking care of yourself, your husband may decide to do the same.
Are you ready to help yourself yet?
Sounds like you have resentment issues toward your spouse for forcing you to relocate for her job. You aren’t the first guy to be emasculated, get over it, it’s not gonna be the last time, (and by the sound of it, is still an ongoing problem). Que the violins, stop whining, spend some of your 4 times the average income on a fucking vacation back home, recharge your batteries and come back with a better attitude. Or get a divorce, nobody needs a self centered twat for a wife.
i hope you don’t have children with this consumer of goods
Op, seek help. No amount of positive thinking or life changes will help you with your seritonin levels. If you are depressed, get on a medication and dont make any life changing decisions until the cloud over your head has gone away for a few months.
Dear O.B.
Here’s a bit of a bitch by one of my favorite comedians Mr Bill Cosby.
He is also quite tired !
http://southernsxsriders.forumakers.com/t1…
it’s so liberating getting old
woulda, shoulda, coulda.
OB, it’s not too late to change your life! I have had three successful careers, and I’m thinking seriously about my fourth! I moved from Massachusetts to NS without knowing a soul at 49 years old.
You need to be stronger (ummm, less fragile) for a big move, so get into training! Box shit up! Sell it or give it to Value Village.
Have an open map in front of you (a map of *what* is up to you). Holding your credit card in your left hand, place it so that the hologram is touching your forehead. (that’s the MAGIC part!) With your other hand, jab a pin into the map. Look at where it is pointing. (if you don’t like where it’s pointing, keep trying until you do). Research the place where the pin is pointing. Rent a place for three months there, and see how you like it. Go on from there.
Very nice, mm.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/stor…
Annie.
http://www.interbutt.org/plog-content/thum…
http://keal.me/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/…
Where is Jesus, by the way? Haven’t heard a peep for ages.
Don’t listen to Monsieur, drinking yourself to death is overrated.
It sounds like you’ve made up your mind. Xeno’s right you have one go at this thing called life and you to do what’s best for you and everybody else involved for that matter. If you’re not happy as in downright miserable, changes need to be made, money isn’t everything your current state of mind proves that.
i hope you find your way there OP. best of luck.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
The road may be hot and dusty and you may tire and thirst, but trust me when I say that you are not walking this road alone. I have faith in you.
This one’s for you Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ
http://www.theonion.com/articles/it-was-th…
Jesus..take it as a warning
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts-sto…
xeno..
that would be both terrifying and exactly like a wicked vacation…
though to do something like that, you need to absolve yourself of bills…
and trying to do so means no income to distract yourself from the hellish hole you’ve dug.
you can either sit, stare, and hope to dig yourself out…
or distract yourself from the fact that you never will be able to see the light of day again.
such a fickle choice…
I didn’t read all the comments but I have to agree with the person who said exercise. I have been at this place you were at before, tired all the time, depressed, no energy, losing interest in things that used to excite me. Getting in a little exercise and most of all, changing my diet (cutting out processed foods and eating real, clean foods with no sugars or added junk) has done WONDERS. I wish I had have known what an effect diet has on mental health when I was in high school. I could have avoided years of poor sleeping habits, depression, basically what you’re describing. When you fix the diet & exercise bit of your life, everything else seems to line up and work out rather nicely. HIGHLY SUGGEST. It’s not easy, but it’s so worth it.
C’mon OP, it can’t be that bad!! Christmas is coming!! YAY!
Zeddie, this assumes that the OB is mired in debt as well as malaise. I saw no indications of that in the post.
OP. Listen to me.
You need to have an affair. Then you need to get on a plane going anywhere.
Will it all work out? Hm.. well that depends. If you continue to see yourself as a victim no. It won’t. But if you say “fuck this! It’s adventure time!” and nurture the sincere attitude of starting all over again with a blank slate and going 110% for everything you want then yes. It will.