You are pretentious hipster douche canoe and you don’t even know it. Go sell coke to kids and take another selfie pic for your Facebook with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. You are so edge, eh bud? —Shit Kicker

This article appears in Jul 23-29, 2015.

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7 Comments

  1. Pretty sure he doesn’t sell coke to kids unless he works at the local Needs. Did he steal your woman?

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  4. A pretentious hipster douche canoe and didn’t even know it? Does that sound likely? Isn’t the whole point of being a pretentious hipster douche canoe knowing that one is, in fact, a pretentious hipster douche canoe?

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  6. Does he wear deodorant? Because if he is one of those stinky-armpit type hipsters who think they are above wearing a bit of stick or roll-on then that’s a whole other level of douche canoe we’re dealing with here. Dealing coke is one thing …. but the stinky pits ….well….

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