People, we need not fear the terrorists. We need not fear H1N1. It isn’t Israel, or the United States. We need to fear a group of scientists who work for an organization called CERN.
For years, these nut jobs have been building something called the Large Hadron Collider, which is a device created to find a extremely rare particle called the Higgs-Boson. Apparently this particle is the foundation of the Big Bang. So, finding this particle would prove the Big Bang theory, and in doing so could be considered the most significant scientific find since gravity. The problem is this: the project has been stalled and plagued with problems from the beginning. In fact, the project has just recently started back up after an errant baguette (damn French) hit a cooling tower. Now the scary part. A theory has arisen that the particle is so abhorrent to nature that the particle itself has gone BACK IN TIME to stop itself from being discovered. You read that right. It went back in time. This time it was just a bird manipulated into dropping it’s bread. Next time, it’ll be a black hole to annihilate the humanity.
I propose that we stop CERN and it’s search. Lest we incite the wrath of the Higgs-Boson! All hail the Higgs-Boson!
— Dr. J. Feverus
This article appears in Nov 12-18, 2009.
Sounds like a ether hunt.
Where can I send money in support of the LHC?
Bring on the Reverse Big Bang!
(More of a gnaB giB, I guess.)
I love whackjobs.
Man this is awesome. I remember watching HRM Council and this guy in his late 20’s/early 30’s got up to the mike during the point where the public is allowed to speak. He had a map of halifax/dartmouth with huge bugs drawn on attacking HRM from all points. The map was to scale, the bugs weren’t (this was when we were debating what to do with the Spruce Worm Beetle infestation of Point Pleasant). I forget what he said but he had a pretty convincing argument about why we had to do something, and fast. Something about beetles attacking. He was dead serious.
Are you that guy?
bust those atoms, I say. the universe’s black box exposed.
I wanna see the gooey filling and what it’s made of.
Something tells me this might just be a giant machine that makes fancy noise. In case it actually does something, the people who designed it are physicists and I’m sure they know what they’re doing…most of the time.
85% of the time, they know what they are doing every time.
I’ve long been convinced that we are all at the mercy of the lunatics who have taken over the asylum…
…when will they ever learn that Mother Earth should be treated with the same respect as the hypocratic oath…first do no harm!
Headcrabs!
Bring your crowbar, Gordon.
wow, someone reads the NY times. Congratulations.
Re-read it the article.
If you do (and you’re not an idiot), you’ll understand that if this theory correct, then something will always happen to prevent Higgs-Bosons from being created. If this theory is true, then we will not be able to create Higgs-Bosons and we will not destroy the universe.
C’mon people! Critical thinking skills please!
Headcrabs – that’s awesome.
I want to go play half life now
Sure Tweev, because someone HAS to be an idiot if they don’t understand the nuances of the Higgs-Boson and the convoluted theories surrounding it. It really is pretty straight forwrd after all. Calling people dumb doesn’t make you look any smarter….dummy!
Actually the machine is not made to indeed see what will happen when you have to molecules traveling as 5 times the speed of light , smash into one another, to see what will happen and yes to re create the big bang theory.
The result they believe will create a black hole, which universe’s are created from. The experiment if it is successful , will not create a black hole large enough to cause any panic or destruction. From what we are told.
They basically want to finally find out what and how the universe was created and instead of science and religion being enemies, they want science to be able to help explain religion.
However of course the date they are actually going to run the actual test is not for a few more years. They are trying to run test experiments to make sure the machine is safe and not have any more problems, since on the first 3 test runs a problem has occurred on all test runs.
So they believe it will be about another 2 years before they are ready to actually run the real experiment….so of course conspiracy theorists believe that in another 2 years it will be 2012, and that is when they are running the experiment.
And we have all heard the 2012 debate, will the earth end? will life as we know it change forever.
Some believe it is because of this machine and the potential of creating black holes and what that might mean to our earth.
Science will never be stopped or slowed down. To think that a petetion or anything like that will stop this machine from being turned on and ran , is absurd.
Science will go on… and we will see in the next 5- 10 years, breakthroughs and advancement more so then we have in the last 30 years.
Personally i think we need Science to explain what we do not know. But i agree that somethings are better not known, or not needed to be known.
Ok i am done. did anyone actually read all of this i wonder.
What’s even more mind numbing is how the EU is allowing this sadistic experiment to occur in the first place. Spending money on ‘ah ha!’ projects is like pouring a bucket of soup on the ground in front of a starving child to see what kind of splatter it makes. People are dying in Africa and we’re trying to discover the mysteries of the universe. We’re all fucked.
1. “mother earth” is a hoax just as much as jeebus is.
2. every galaxy has a black hole. it is a one-to-many relationship which requires at least a one-to-one ratio…
3. I didn’t hear about it only starting to work in a couple years… 🙁
If I were president, I’d say “smash it up, smash it up, ooooooooo, smash it up…”
of course, then I’d rename the country “shiny pants” and open my own oyster petting zoo…..
I think you meant Palestine, dear Dr. Apartheid Israel is a state of terrorists.
I was wondering where all the tin foil in the stores went.
Dino, what’s so sadistic about the experiments?
Also, I hear similar arguments to yours a lot with respect to science spending. Sure the LHC costs about 6 billion dollars. That sounds like a lot, but consider that there are over a hundred countries contributing to the project. CERN is footing most of the bill and is primarily made of EU member states. The GDP of the EU is about 15,000 billion dollars. The cost of the LHC is 0.04% of their GDP and that number doesn’t include the money coming from non-EU states.
The fact is, most countries do not spend that much (as a percent of GDP) on science. Canada only spends ~2% or 24 billion a year. The best science to invest in is basic science where you don’t really know what application will come from your research. However, investing in this kind of research is the best way to get a return on your investment as the industrial sector commercializes the ideas and discoveries made from taxpayer investments. This means jobs and revenue through corporate taxes.
It’s tough to sell the importance of that kind of research to the taxpayer, especially the ones concerned about starving kids in Africa…but remember, we provide them with aid as well (~0.35% of our GDP). Also consider that some taxpayers don’t think it’s worth losing our science and technology advantage just so we can give our money to countries that can’t get their shit together.
Countries need to invest in things that help make them great. Science is one way to do that, so is having a social conscience and giving foreign aid. I think Canada needs to do both and at ~2.5% GDP for the two, I don’t think we are overspending in either area.
To me it’s sadistic because people are terrified of this thing, begging for it to end, and CERN is carrying through with it anyway. Just my 2 cents.
Oh STFU, pansy.
Maybe they are terrified because they don’t understand it.
I assume the fear and distrust has something to do with the repercussions still felt from the atomic bomb.
the pig flu strain was created in a u.s government war lab, and as to the machine they are trying like hell to get up and going, it’s a anti matter generator. shades of star trek.these eggheads have nothing better to do, so they either try to think up new ways to kill us all, or zap us to another dimension in a galaxy far away. let’s just hope it works, and they try it out themselves and their government first.
And if it blows up, well we won’t live long enough to comprehend it.
The world would be a much better place if people like Life Sucks were running things. Who needs eggheads and governments?!
Hey, just wanted to let you know… I posted this bitch. Just felt we needed to have one of those crazy, tinfoil hat bitches that didn’t involve ridiculous theories on H1N1 for once. That and a marathon session of Half-Life 2. Head crabs indeed. I was waiting for the comparisons.
Tweev— just wanted to let you know, I understand the intricacies of the particle itself, and the nature of the theory of it being able to stop itself from being found. I just find it amusing that it may have the capacity to travel through time to do so. It’s good to know that there are still people arrogant enough to think that everyone understands physics. That same capacity should allow you to realise that just about anything can happen. We’re treading on relatively unknown ground here. A piece of bread stalled this project. Bread. Just to think: that may be the particle manipulating the universe to stop itself from being found.
i thought it was you..dr.j.feverus…i didn’t want to say nowt … good times
I’m excited for this. Full speed ahead!
I agree it is fascinating. I think my post was a little unclear. I wasn’t calling you an idiot. I was simply pointing out the logic that if there were time travelling particles that were stopping the creation of the same particles that would destroy the universe then it’s logically impossible to destroy the universe with those particles.
You don’t need to know physics to understand that, it’s simply logic flow.
Anyhow, there’s probably only a dozen or so people on the planet who really understand quantum physics. From the videos I’ve seen of Mesa parties, I’m glad I’m not one of them.
GO SCIENCE!
ah this made my day, not to say that I am intelligent in way shape or form when it comes to string theory or CERN for that matter, but lets bear in mind that their have been colliders all over the planet doing this for decades now, the LHC is only…larger…but the same principles still apply, no Earth sucking black hole yet, but time will tell. And its a good way to shut those starving Africans and the rest of us up, bring it on, I say!
If we had actually “discovered” gravity this bitch would be interesting but that’s exactly what CERN is trying to do … listen, if we could define gravity Higgs would roll over in his grave and find the universe is indeed very cold AND getting cooler, no thanks to him. We’re NOT hurtling anything ANYWHERE at 5 times the speed of light (somebody commented this) since today such motion remains a physical and mathematical impossibility right up there with time travel.
Scientists are NOT trying to create a black hole. Don’t you realize particles hit the earth’s atmosphere in such a fashion all the time? Every moment! You don’t see any black holes forming on the edge of our atmosphere, do you?
Yes, the project has experienced some problems. Now let’s tell everybody how long it takes to cool a massive facility like the LHC to near absolute zero. It takes MONTHS! So if the the project was stalled because AFTER cooling they discovered a problem, MONTHS later they can go into near room-temperature conditions to make the repair and then MONTHS later when the facility reaches near absolute zero again they can run the experiments. I think one needs to wear a tinfoil hat to presume a black hole can be created by humans as a result of smashing 2 particles together. Have you noticed we daily we perform above-ground testing of atomic and nuclear weapons?
The entirety of mankind’s scientific history has been spend on endeavors that would sooth and enlighten the poor babies. I think it’s time we start looking at the bigger picture. Every one of you know the earth orbits a star that will one day go nova. We KNOW this as a result of our science. What do we do with this knowledge? We pick a fight with our neighbor or blow an alarm about some flu that might take out .001% of the population when we should be trying to find a new home. This is the work Einstein died trying to finish. He didn’t. We’ve sure made good use of his field equations though, haven’t we? The science MUST continue. Without a comprehensive understanding of gravity or even a DEFINITION of gravity we’re going nowhere fast. Today children may be starving in Africa but without this sort of research and motives to get off the planet the Africans are not the only ones who are going to BURN.
Personally, I think Fever posted this to get my attention. Well done!
Ah, such arrogance kay. I didn’t post it to garner your attention. I was mainly bored with the moronic flu bitches and I felt like smartening it up a little.
kay, if you replace ‘gravity’ with newton’s fundamental laws then I may get on board…..
since they apply everywhere, including vast, cold space (if i remember grade 12 physics correctly….)
Of course gravity exists but we can’t say exactly why nor what it is save for “energy”. Newtonian physics break down given massive yet exceedingly small objects (singularity/black hole) and particle physics doesn’t extend to large or massive objects. As long as the two schools of thought cannot coexist the graviton, if there is such a thing, remains elusive. THIS is one of the questions CERN scientists are trying to answer. Without the experiment string theory, proposed to mathematically tie the two schools of thought together, is just an idea with awesome and enlightening implications.
Can I please have my minute back I took reading that now?
Well, I guess KillerB isn’t the Higgs Boson or there would be no worries about time…I’ll keep looking.
KAY: “I think one needs to wear a tinfoil hat to presume a black hole can be created by humans as a result of smashing 2 particles together.”
Actually, there are some speculative theories that there is a possibility that CERN’s LHC could create microscopic, albeit harmless black holes.
I love when kay pretends to be smart and just writes so she can see/read her own name.
“”People are dying in Africa and we’re trying to discover the mysteries of the universe. “‘
Although people ARE dying in Africa (still), I still prefer to read about science and technology. People are dying in Africa because their environment, as it stands, will not support their numbers. You can argue the hows and the whys of this (no social safety net leads to more babies/Churches preach against condoms/African endemic corruption and the “Big Man” paradigm/too much “charity and not enough “investment” by the west/ etc etc) but it does prove one thing…Mother nature is indeed red in tooth and claw…
The best hope for mankind’s future, is also the most likely future scenario.
As it stands, the Earth seems like it would most likely support quite comfortably a population of a few hundred million. All it will take is a major die-off sometime in the near future to stabilize the planet. Within the next 50-100 would be perfect. Sooner, if possible! After all, if an event is going to occur that will save mankind, even at the expense of 99% of us…who wants to miss that!?
Other than that, any talk of mankind “leaving” Earth because “the sun is going to burn out in a few billion years” is absolute silliness and shows a complete lack of understanding of the vast distances between our solar system, and the stars and other planetary systems…As well as a pollyanna-ish faith that Homo-sapians, by some unprecedented miracle, are going to survive the next 100,000,000 years…
I don’t think ANY credible scientist is seriously working, or even dreaming of “getting off the planet” (guffaw)…unless you are referring to some sort of Moonbase Alpha deal, which won’t much help against Ra going supernova…but we ain’t gonna be travelling to other solar systems, sorry, the distances are far far far far too vast…don’t be ridiculous.
find another home, indeed…good grief
Kay is going to Heaven, so she will escape our universe–only she won’t be leaving on a rocket ship.
I don’t think it’s all as far away as you seem to think. As for planning for big-time travel, two words, “bio sphere”. Perfecting the artificial habitat is just one thing we must strive to get right and yes, we try. Since the only really good example is the EARTH we’d better learn from it while it still supports some semblance of balanced ecology. Oh, and speculation that our star doesn’t pose a danger to earth as a whole will vanish the moment a solar flare reaches us. The sun is in a kind of mini-ice age right now so, of course, there’s no point in worrying about such a thing but isn’t this REALITY cause to get the heck outta here? Human beings are naturally transient, why stop at matter? Why should the benefits of science be geared toward the here and now instead of our long term future. Think outside the box, man.
The Large Hadron Collider idea seems to reside pretty far outside the box.
As for the here and now (in this box we call Earth), studying biospheres and such in the context of future survival is being done. For instance: vertical farming (thanks, Miles = ).
If OP’s theories are correct, then this: ( http://www.particlezoo.net/individual_page… ) is the true face of evil. Quiver in fear, mortals!
Seriously, a sentient sub-atomic particle? Even friggin’ Russel T. Davies wouldn’t use that as a plot device.
The religious nuts are all scared that we might prove there is not God. Look how crazy the fools went over the messages on the bus.
I so look forward to the day scientists can say “hey, look at that! We’re all part of the same system and each part has a purpose it can fail or succeed at”… and then they can argue about what “God” is.
Hahaha this made my day! I really hope you’re joking and just pretending to be a nut… right? ….
wasn’t that a movie….. oh no, that was bio-dome!
WAY more interesting than where this thread went.
buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuddy.
kay, I thought our sun was too small to go nova. Oh, it will still roast Earth, but it will do it by expanding slowly into a red giant.
Anyway, that IS billions of years away, but a killer meteorite (Happened before. …dinosaurs, much?) or killer solar flare could happen a lot sooner, as could ridiculously bad shit of our doing (eg: nuclear arms in the hands of religio-nuts not deterred by MAD) so getting some of our eggs out of this one basket ASAP should be a goal…even if it is only to the moon for now.