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To whomever stole my incredibly plain boots from downtown’s fanciest new workout hub, you are actively a horrible person. I’m angry out of principle, but also because I have big feet and it’s really hard to find footwear that fits. You suck. Enjoy the persistent athlete’s foot. —Please Just Return the Boots!
This article appears in Mar 6-12, 2014.
16 Comments
Swanky Gym – and now the showers and locker rooms are a fungal Jurassic Park.
Thanks Patient Zero.
Downtown’s fanciest new workout hub simply means the membership cost more – it doesn’t guarantee an honest clientele.
Good luck in finding some new shoeboxes, Thunder Hoof.
Just keep going to gym and wait till your boots show up on someone’s carcass…. then when that person takes them off, take one and lambaste the thief for his insolence.
That’s brazen, stealing boots from a locked locker in a busy locker room.
Seems like the mukluks were too large for the locker.
Please describe the boots so that I may publicly scorn this arsehole, should I come across them (or humiliate myself if it’s the wrong person). Either way, what did they look like?
A LEGITIMATE GENERALIZATION?
“To whomever stole my incredibly plain boots from downtown’s fanciest new workout hub, you are actively a horrible person.” Please Just Return
I could tell by your correct use of “whomever” that you were a member of the fanciest new workout hub but I was puzzled by two other points, to wit: (a) What would “incredibly plain boots”look like? Are there gradations of plainness – plain, plainer and plainest? – and if so, what are the criteria which distinguish those gradations? (b) To speak of an “actively horrible person” is to utter a redundancy. In other words, to be “horrible” logically entails that one is “active” – how else could the attribution be made? – and so “actively” adds nothing to the description. You might take these points under advisement.
However, my principal puzzlement relates to the legitimacy of your generalization. In other words, the conceptual linkage between “downtown’s fanciest new workout hub” on the one hand and the “actively horrible person” on the other was never established. The one does not necessarily or even contingently entail the other. The generalization was therefore illegitimate.
New Avatar Alert! The Irish Punt
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
I guess the old adage, “never trust anyone” still rings true.
If they weren’t locked up, you may as well consider them a donation.
Maybe it was a homeless person with only a gym membership and no shoes?
Juvenile Avatar Parody Alert! This is the part where I make some sophomoric comparison to Montrealman’s avatar accompanied by an appropriate photo link. I had a really good one planned today too:
“An Irish C___” with a particularly unflattering picture of Hibernia’s favorite shave-headed, serotonin sucking chanteuse.
Alas, those Korporate Fascists at Google have fucked up the way to post photo links and I lack the attention span to figure it out, so it’s iceflow time for Uncle vanya and the banner is passed the rest of you to continue to Fight Da Powa! (Through Superior Firepower)
Meaty, you kill me….if i were a guy i’d ask you to marry me–LMAO!! 😀
RSVP
: Ivan Sonofabitch (03.12, 1:05PM)
Ah, the Irish punt did it for you, eh? Couldn’t put that one back over the net, eh? The old commercial photobucket ran dry, eh? It let you down, eh? Too bloody bad, eh?
I must say I suspected something that would have rhymed with “punt.” What, I wondered, could it be? “An Irish C___?” But “colleen” doesn’t rhyme with “punt”. I’ll have to think again.
If I were you I wouldn’t pass the banner to anyone. We both know why.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Just for your edification MM.
Photobucket Alert! The Irish C***
http://www.thestar.ie/star/wp-content/uplo…
For some reason my Gulag computer was acting wonky and I can’t exactly go to my Reptilian Overlords and demand a diagnostic so that I may continue raging against the machine on company time.
You do see my dilemma, don’t you?
Anyway, enjoy the picture of the always insightful and entertaining Ms. O’Connor and don’t put it to any usage that you may have to own up to in the confession box.
“The Ivan and MM Show!” (sung to the tune of the Itchy & Scratchy riff)
LMFAO! – Oh, that’s beautiful Meaty. You made my day >: )
RSVP
: Ivan Sonofabitch (03/12, 5:01PM)
Yes, I see your dilemma and good luck with your raging.
I must say that I’m not familiar with Ms. O’Connor but she does look engaging. Was she experiencing the throes of religious orgasm? Would it be clitoral or vaginal, do you think?
Write back soon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!