im not a phycologist or a counceller.. hell i cant even spell them..
But i am married and very happy
Its simple.. to 5 of my friends that are unhappy in their relationships…
LEAVE… If youre unhappy then leave…
Dont wanna leave?? then i dont wanna hear about it.. You are setting yourself up to be unhappy and thats your choice. stop asking me for help and then ignoring what i have to say
Too many friends are dealing with pricks or bitches.. If your not gonna leave then i dont want to hear anymore about how terrible they are.. Seriously..
You cant change somone.. so either deal with them or leave them.
its simple.
This article appears in Jul 3-9, 2008.
I am a psychologist, and it sounds like some of your friends have self esteem issues. Why not help them in this area instead of putting them down for staying with losers?
Theres a point where it isn’t worth it anymore. My best friend was in a terrible relationship. i put money away for her if she wanted to get out, i called her every day. she whined and complained about how badly he treated her, but he bought her a really pretty ring. i said..leave leave leave leave. but she wouldn’t. i gave up. i know your ears hurt. and i think you are right, self esteem issues or not, you have already made it clear to your friend you want him/her to get help. …”stop asking me for help and then ignoring what i have to say..” you should think of your own relationship. as an adult you are not responsible to govern the feelings and choices of others. your friend is an adult. and if they truely wanted out of their relationships they would have. i think they are jealous that your relationship is perfect..in your eyes…which are the only ones that count. maybe they are baiting you…telling you their mates do this or that and hoping you will fill in something terrible that your partner does…just for ammunition.
At a certain point there’s just no more ‘nice friend’ stuff left, you know? I was in a similar sitch with a friend a couple of years ago- she’d have these massive fights with her bf, come to my house, drink tea, cry, and then say they’d broken up. then the next day she’d chew me out for ‘assuming’t hey weren’t together anymore. or my favorite, after hearing about all their problems (he was emotionally abusive and I’m fairly sure he was hitting her), she’d get angry with me when I didn’t want to be his bestest-friend ever, or invite him explicitly to events etc. At a certain point, you just hit the ‘I care about you but I want nothing to do with this person. I will be civil if I have to interact with them, but I won’t be going out of my way to include them and I really don’t want to hear about your drama anymore. I’ve given you my opinion, now either use it or shut up” wall.I think a lot of people just like to hear the sound of their own voice; they like their own drama, anda ren’t content unless there is some sort of drama attracting attention to them. Basically,t hey’re not happy unless they’re miserable. so you can either decide you’re ok with that, or take a step back- and be aware that your ‘friend’ may decide that without a caring ear, you’re not worth it.
I’m going through the resumes “in” pile and debating the state of education in my head, I have to admit, I quit reading one on the first spelling mistake.just off hand, psychologist, and if you check out wanna in the Oxfords, (yes, I know they use the Collins in schools now and that is probably got a lot to do with it…), you are not going to find it. So, since we are going to be spending some time looking up psychologist and wanna just for fun, here’s another one for you. Friend….try that one out.Glad you’re not mine.
wow david…. little snippy there, aren’t we? (makes siren noises with her mouth) grammer and spelling police alert..ready to thwart another post because of a few spelling errors…warning warning very hostile and annoying…ok now that that’s out of the way: I think the point of this post was that he’s been a friend, but it’s getting a little old at this point. the best friends are the ones who can and will tell you when you’re being an idiot, and not just mindlessly nod along and secretly seethe inside when you begin yet another rant about the same topic because the dictionary says friends listen. friends do a whole lot more than that.
Hedgy, I think you hit the nail on the head – some people (many people, in fact) aren’t happy unless they’re miserable; it’s like they’re addicted to suffering. I had a friend like that too, she would show up out of nowhere with a sad sad story about how awful her boyfriend was treating her, and I would drop everything to comfort her. Then the more I was around her, the more I found her repeating the story almost verbatim to more and more people, and it seemed like she found enormous satisfaction in the telling of it, and the sympathy. But she wouldn’t do anything about it. Then one day she told me all her previous relationships had been the same, and i was like my “I’m outta here” switch went off.