There is no denying it. We all want to be the “cool” girlfriend. You know, the “wants you but doesn’t need you” girl – that does her own thing, that doesn’t rely on you, that never gets jealous. How desperately we want to be the girl that his friends attach adjectives like “chill” or “cool” to when brought up in conversation between beer pong and fist pumping.
Cool girlfriends are afraid to ask for what they want from a man. Whether it’s commitment, affection or more time, asking is really fucking hard. So we don’t.
We don’t want to be controlling or needy, so we deny ourselves the things that we want and need. We swallow our insecurities, we let the things that bother us roll of our shoulders. We do this in the name of self reliance (coolness), and in the process, we throw away the real possibility of co-dependence. We give away the possibility of real love.
This is the paradox. Girlfriends who are really cool, ask.
If you want to be a cool girlfriend, you have to ask for what you want. Actually, you have to do more than ask. You have to BECOME SOMEONE WHO ASKS. It is easy. Set standards for yourself and never settle for less than them.
If you become someone who asks for what they want, eventually you’ll find someone who doesn’t need you to. —Lindsay Proudfoot
This article appears in Apr 2-8, 2015.
Trying to be is weak. Just be. It’s easy.
Nothing is free for the asking,Nothing.
I asked my man to have a vasectomy. We made a deal that if I terminated our pregnancy, he would have a vasectomy. He didn’t want kids, and I knew I wanted him more than children. I loved him and our lifestyle. I waited one year for him to have the vasectomy. I listened to him tell me he may have an autoimmune response to having his vas def snipped and leaking sperm… He didn’t like the urologist’s bedside manner, as the doc was too abrupt in dismissing his concerns… This made me angry. A vasectomy is a much simpler and less invasive procedure. I didn’t want to be angry, so I pushed it down and tried to be patient, loving… Then my vagina bit his dick. His dick turned purple with bruising, and he went to the emergency room to check it out. Moral of the story…listen to your lady’s vagina talking, and don’t make her angry. Also, grow some balls, and have your vas snipped. I’d call you ‘pussy’ but you’re not worthy!
https://tychy.wordpress.com/2008/06/23/let…
^^…And the moral of the story is, men shouldn’t be dicks to the women they claim to love.
ohhappyday: thank-you for your summation. I appreciate it.
“we throw away the real possibility of co-dependence. We give away the possibility of real love.”
omg… co-dependance equals love? Do people really think this? No wonder so many people stay in unhappy relationships. Co-dependance, in my view, is the anti-love, and I hold that view because I find couple who rely on each other for everything to be the least satisfied, not to mention just lame as all fuck. Like what kind of grown man can’t do his own laundry or pay his own bills? “Oh the woman takes care of all that for me.” gross. Just so pathetic and gross, I find it really hard to respect a man with that mentality no matter how much I like other aspects of his character.
Come on, OP. What you’re basically saying is that all women are these emotionally fragile needy helpless people and that the ones who aren’t are just really good at faking it. You’re blaming your faults on your gender. You need to learn to rely on yourself for your happiness and wellbeing or you will never find happiness, let alone a worthwhile partner. You’ll find another needy emotionally weak immature manboy.
Ugh.. this bitch is just cringe all over. Man..
I can promise you that there are plenty of girls and girlfriends out there who actually are cool, who actually aren’t controlling or needy, who actually are ok with their boyfriends not making them the centre of their universe. No one wants a needy, controlling, insecure, jealous girlfriend. Get over it. No matter how great you are it’s just not worth it, most men figure that out at a young age, before 25. Women like you love to scream “it’s just how women are!” bullshit. I know lots of women who are about their business and while they appreciate a man’s love they damn sure don’t need to it to feel complete.
Co-dependance .. yuck. Grow up.
Personally, I’d appreciate shared responsibilty and teamwork.
Watch the vid!
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/bir…