The Broken Promise That Would Have Broken Me

I had been friends with a girl, let’s call her “Girl 1,” for the sake of mandatory anonymity since my sophomore year of high school. We had always been in the friends zone, but we were close. We confided in each other…told each other everything we were too afraid others wouldn’t appreciate. We fought because we were similar in many ways, obstinacy being the chief one. But no matter what, we always made up because we couldn’t bear to be without the other. She made me promise, on more than one occasion, that no matter what, we had to be friends and continue to talk in college. This went on for two years; I had always had feelings for this girl but was too afraid to tell her.

One day, having come to several personal revelations, I decided “Screw it, I’ll tell her.” So I did. And nothing happened. Which was okay with me…personal confessions don’t necessarily obligate others to act.

Our senior prom rolls along. In a conversation on the phone, she reveals to me that she wants to go with me, that she knows me so well that she thought she’d have the most fun with me. Now this was cool. Until others’ grubby hands started prodding at the situation. Her two best friends had IDIOT prom dates. And they were planning to rent a limo together. I hate weak-minded people. And everybody knew that. So her friends began to be serpents, whispering in her ear, telling her that she and I would fight, that the evening would be ruined. Her MOTHER, of all people, bribed her with a vacation to Virginia Beach on the condition that she not go to prom with me. A godsend of a gossiping friend relayed this information to me, after which I was furious. I ignored her for several weeks. Refused to go to prom with her. And finally, asked Girl 2 to prom.

Girl 2 was a sweetheart. She was a couple years younger than I; however, it sacrificed nothing from her maturity. She was intelligent, had taste in music, humor. I was looking forward to prom with her.

Not long before prom, Girl 1 confesses to me that letting everyone’s opinion influence her own was wrong, and that not going to prom with would probably be “the biggest mistake” she’d ever make. Girl 1, I should add for clarity, had manipulated several of my friends before into this whirlpool of deceit. But my nostalgic feelings for Girl 1 were too strong. After prom, I “broke up with” Girl 2 (though I never considered it a relationship). I was straightforward, told her why. She cried. Then I cried. But it ended up being okay. Girl 1, leading up to this, had made less than subtle advances. Stroked my leg with her foot…held my hand and rubbed my thigh. I reciprocated…but out of the fact that I felt security in the situation. I thought she was candid…finally candid.

We watch a movie in my basement, on my couch. We start to kiss, more and more ferociously. At the climax of it all (we are clothed, mind you), she straddles me on my lap with both of my hands up the back of her shirt. Needless to say, as she left, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was SURE her actions were true and her emotions sincere. Sadly, not so.

We attend a grad party a few days later. She is aloof. She has to leave for another party, and as she gets into her car, I try to kiss her goodbye. She doesn’t kiss back. I’m distraught. I don’t understand what’s happening. The next day, via Facebook, she tells me that she felt nothing during our night of debauchery atop my couch. “Nothing.” Such a cold, empty word. Her lovely friends, once more, helped her toward this epiphany. With a smile on my face, I typed the words: “I swear I will never talk to you again.” Enter. Log off.

It has been a couple of months now. My dog of fourteen years, and the only pet I’ve ever known, died in July. She heard about it through the grapevine, texted me asking if there was anything she could do to help. I made good on my words and ignored her…after all who breaks a promise? Well, I do!

Girl 1 ruined my emotions. Because of her, I lost my feelings for Girl 2 and lost a chance for something good. Bitch? I believe so.

If anyone, anyone at all should be patient enough to read this anecdote, know that a promise is only as tenuous as the person to whom it is made. Ultimately, the only promises you must ever break are those that will break you to keep them. —Lithoxene, the inverted xenolith

This article appears in Jul 22-28, 2010.