Thank you so much for scheduling your wedding on my birthday. I understand it is your day and I am slowly getting over it. However, could your wedding be any tackier? Could you be anymore incondierate? Not only is the wedding dinner a buffet (yes- I have to carry my plate up to a fucking steam table in heels) but my husband and I are both vegetarian and so if I was willing to get drunk and cheat and eat some animal (and their byproducts) I’m fucking lactose intolerant!!! Your wedding is a fucking slaughter of factory animals and the milk that is meant to feed their young! What the hell am I supposed to eat at this tack fest?? Not only that, but I have to subject my toddler and baby to this. What the hell am I supposed to feed my daughter? So, I will be separated from my husband because he will be sitting at your shitty head table listening to your godawful mouth noises because you can’t keep your damn mouth shut when you are eating, we’ll be starving, our daughter will be hungry, and I can’t even have a drink because I breastfeed our son. To top it off, it’s my birthday! What the hell??? At least a few years ago when my brother ruined my birthday by being a jackass he did it intentionally because he’s an asshole.
This article appears in May 15-21, 2008.
Yep, the whole world is out to get you!! This bride thought to herself “I’m going to revolve all of the wedding arrangments to piss this bitch off! I’ll figure out her birthday and hold the wedding on that date, that’ll RUIN her special day, muhaha. Of course I’ll force her at gunpoint to attend…and insist she bring her brats to the adult reception. A buffet may be economical and crowd-pleasing…but most importantly, it’ll get this bitch off her fat ass to get her own food. Muhaha! I’ll be sure to go out of my way and serve only foods this cunt cannot eat, which is pretty much everything. Most weddings serve only vegan food…but I’ll be super tacky and serve a well-balanced meal. The plan is unfolding perfectly! When she inappropriately brings her kids to the reception, they’ll have to starve as well. Who cares about celebrating my nuptials, my focus is all on making godawful mouth noises to further piss off this bitch that I forced to come. Oh yes, she’s breastfeeding…I’ll be certain to have alcohol there to tease her, and only for that reason. Her brother and I have a conspiracy against her!”Happy Birthday you spoiled brat!
Catherine – you have summed this up perfectly. Well done!DWG – Honestly, get over yourself. You’ve just described almost every wedding I’ve ever been to. It’s not tacky – that’s what weddings are. Buffet dinners (not everyone can afford a plated meal for a large group of people), followed by drinking and dancing. If you and your family have special dietary concerns, you should have made arrangements with the facility ahead of time to have a suitable alternative. My best friend is a vegan, and that’s what she does. It’s never a problem, and she always ends up with a fresh, hot meal.BTW – NO ONE wants children at wedding reception. Next time fork out for a babysitter.
Christ, DWG! Were you expecting anything other than a few rounds of flaming when you wrote this? While it might be overly idealistic, most people intend to have only one wedding in their lives. You have a birthday EVERY YEAR. Have you had so few of them that they still seem so monumentally important? Unbelievable.Are you one of THOSE vegetarians? The ones with the holier-than-thou attitude, who want to ram their ideology down the throats of everyone around them? I bet this poor bride was obligated to invite you to her wedding for some reason, and she’s thinking, “oh, god, I hope she doesn’t make a scene by retching into her hands at the sight of the chicken legs.”And finally, unless children are EXPLICITLY included in the party plans, leave them the hell home. Unless of course you are one of THOSE parents, who fervently believe it is right and proper to bring their children everywhere, and are militant about doing so. Oh, I know people like you, DWG, and nothing short of a gun to my head could induce me to invite one of them to my wedding.
Your sense of entitlement is pathetic. It’s amazing you have any friends at all, princess.
Catherine i just about spit out my coffee.. love it..children at weddings.. unless they’re in it… leave them home.. if theyre in it… directly after dinner and a few songs arrange for them to go home!
What kind of spoiled child is this?PLEASE DO NOT ATTEND THIS WEDDING! DO NOT EAT MEAT. DO NOT DRINK MILK. DO NOT USE SOAP (animal byproduct). DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE… BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING BITCH!!!
And while we’re at it, what’s the big deal about birthdays anyway, really??? Jerry Seinfeld said it best – all you did was not die for a year. Big wooop. I can’t stand people who expect the world to stop revolving just because it’s their birthday. We ALL have them – EVERY year. Sure it’s nice to be wished well one your birthday, but stop acting like it should be a statutory holiday.
I don’t understand weddings…I get the nuptial part. I did that. I married the man that I love. I did not, however, force others to take part in my day. There were too many requests, too many uhhh. ..”me” behaviour that we said fuck it and eloped. When we returned the hubby and I had a lovely dinner and sprung it on the family. Weddings are inevitably tacky because everyone is there to get wasted and you just want to spend the day with the person you love. I hate weddings..weddings are like a high school prom with your relatives. (can you respond to comments to your own bitches or is that opening up a whole lot of shit?) Anyways…I can’t talk about it with my husband because it’s his best friend. The meal is carbs and meat..it’s not well-balanced..it’s like Dr. Atkins and carb binge. It may come as a shock by I am not one of -those- vegetarians. They give vegetarians a bad name..just open a bag of frozen veggies and boil the damn thing, that’s all I ask. The kids are going because despite my neurotic bitching, they are invited..one is the godchild and this couple loves children. They love my children, they love my husband and (despite what you think!) they love me. There are going to be more kids at this wedding than adults. It’s disturbing. These are the most kid friendly people. So..bitches are meant to be that. One bitches about irrational issues in the space provided so that people don’t lose it and say these things to the people.
No one is ever “forced” to attend a wedding. Most people attend because they love the bride/groom/both and want to be a part of their big day. And for the record, not all weddings are “inevitably tacky because everyone is there to get wasted”. In fact I’d say at my wedding there was only one or two people who really stood out as having drank too much. Even so, they didn’t do or say anything inappropriate.P.S. I’ve eaten at many buffets at weddings and functions over the years, and I’ve yet to come across one that didn’t have one, if not more, salads, as well as rolls, vegetables, etc. I would be VERY surprised if there aren’t foods you can eat. Or, like I said earlier, why not call the venue (or have someone in the wedding party do it for you) and ask for a vegan meal? People do it all the time, and it’s never a big deal. Just be an adult about it.
this cant be real. NO one is this selfish are they? Come the fuck on. I am against many things, and would stand up for many causes, but if any of the causes that i was against would fuck up someone’s wedding day, what kinda friend would i be? Hell, i am against the reason some of my friend’s picked for getting married, or the person the are marrying sucks, but im not about to try to dictate thier day. Hey, if you eloped, and you didnt see the point of having a wedding, cool. I can appreciate that, as i dont think i could afford the type of wedding that i want. Baggin on others for over spending, or strange creativity for thier wedding, that is up to them. ITS THEIR FUCKING DAY. Its about the memories for THEM. Your bitch shows you dont respect your friend enough to help making THIER DAY of “union forever” a memorable one. You seem to make it seem like your appearance there is one THEY should be greatful for. How hard would it be to say, “congratulations for getting married on my birthday. From now on, this day will have no one, but two very special meanings. Your day of union, and completing your bond, and my birthday”. But no, you are so wrapped up in yourself, that you want the sun to shine only on you today. I am not going to comment on the kids thing, as some weddings, they dont have a place, others, i have been to, they fit. So whatever.
Sounds like the OP is an expert on what it takes to be an a-hole.
OP, you’re one of those people that begs for the ‘special treatment’ on your birthday, aren’t you? You expect everything for free, people to bend over backwards for you, and to shower you with an overabundance of gifts and attention. Well holy guacamole, roll out the red carpet for the queen of vegans. It’s her fucking birthday for anyone who didn’t get the memo!You deserve to be slapped extra hard with a fish my dear. Forget about your stupid birthday for a minute and be happy for your friends. They’re getting married for fuck sakes, and they were nice enough to invite you to celebrate with them. So shut your complaining little yap, eat the food, dance to thier music, and forget about yourself long enough to have a good time. If not for you, do it for them, you self important little douche.
LOL REAL HARD @ slapped with a fish
You spolied little prima donna, IN CASE NO ONE HAS TOLD YOU YET…The world DOES NOT FREAKING REVOLVE AROUND YOU!! If I knew you by the sounds of your post I would do things to deliberatly piss you off just to see your damn temper tantrum…Grow up and spend your birthday wallowing in your own self fuking pity!!
I honestly wonder if this letter is a hoax. No one could be that stupid, self-centred and childish as to wah-wah-wah about something so fucking trivial. If it isn’t a hoax, God help those kids of hers. She isn’t fit to look after a fucking antfarm.
Hahahahahahaha. This pathetic. I’ve been a vegetarian for years now, being one comes with the whole issue of not always being happy when going out to events or places to eat. But hey, Imade the decision not to eat meat, so I can’t REALLY complain can I?You need to chill out, I’m sure they didn’t purposely make their wedding on the day of your birthd and msot weddings do have things such as salad and vegetables, potatos…esspecially if it’s a fucking buffet…Also, stop complaining that you can’t drink! That’s nobody’s fault!!! You have a baby to breast feed…nobody can help that…Jeeeeeeeeeeesus.I really hate vegetarians like you, who sit there and judge everyone else for eating meat. How do you expect any respect, princess?Gimmi a break.
I have to wonder, since your husband is so close to the groom, the marrying couple would probably know the date of your birthday. Which means they probably only scheduled their wedding on that day because it has significance to them as well. They aren’t forcing you to come, and knowing it’s your birthday they probably wouldn’t be bothered if you didn’t attend the wedding. And maybe they just overlooked it! Well that’s a common thing in the wedding planning process and it’s not always easy to get the venue you want on the day you want it anyway! You’re acting like they scheduled it on your birthday on purpose just to make you miserable. So celebrate your birthday the day before! Or after! Who cares? The actual day isn’t that important, and don’t tell me you’ve never ever had to celebrate on a day other than your actual birthday.
Catherine you are too funny!
Oh – My – God.This HAS to be a joke .. no one is this STUPID right?Pump some milk out into a bottle and leave your kids at home. God knows you don’t want them to starve to death.And how dare THEY have a buffet for THEIR wedding? My .. the humanity!
Yeah.. I was thinkin this had to be a joke as well… fuck.. comical!Catherine, I’m glad you took the time to reply… Was well worth the read.. LMFAO