To the person who stole the wreath off of our front door—thank you so much for teaching my children and me about the true spirit of giving this Christmas. I do not know if you are the same person who has taken our wreath for the past three years—but we really hope that you enjoy our lovely gift to you this season. Every time you look at your wreath remember that I will be explaining to my children the concepts of charity and treating our neighbours in a way that we would want to be treated ourselves. —Wreathy Angry Mom
This article appears in Dec 20-26, 2012.
not to take anything away from the bitch subject, which is legit…. why do so many people use that fake ‘best wishes’ style of bitching.
‘oh THANKYOU so much for smashing my window’
“what a WONDERFUL person you must be to have stolen my son’s bike’
“i am SO HAPPY that you chose me to spill coffee all over’
that’s my bitch and i am good dog molly and i approved it.
ps. i surely hope you do not go on and on and on to your poor kids about this event.
Maybe whoever stole it needed it more than you did… a great lesson for your kids on privilege!
It’s just sarcasm, Molly. A popular avenue in today’s society to use humor to get a point across and/or to deal with anger/sadness.
http://static.someecards.com/someecards/us…
This reminds me of my favourite Christmas story – O. Heinrich’s “Gift of the Nazi”
Christmas is approaching and Rudiger, a young S.S. Totenkopfverbande guard at Sachsenhausen sells his beloved leather whip to buy a mother of pearl hair comb for Hulga, a 16 year old BundesDeutschMadel working as a secretary in the camp administration office, only to discover that she has cut off and sold her lustrous blonde plaits in order to by some polished silver weights for his whip. In their love for each other they discover the true meaning of Christmas, but then the guards barracks are flattened by Mosquito fighter-bombers of 633 Squadron
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWXQUhBsUVM
Fuck I’m high.
o henry! sorry, oh ivan!
lol mel, i do realize it’s supposed to be sarcastic, but since sarcasm’s roots are ‘rending of the flesh by wild dogs’ (or close to it) the pathetic attempts at sarcasm on the bitches here fall so far short of the mark they are not worthy of the name.
they are more like the nipping of plush, toothless beany babes than a well aimed , intelligent and witty barb that makes the recipient cringe, and perhaps, wet themselves in shame for having opened the subject. others should chortle and wish they had come up with the barb themselves.
Make it with poison oak next time. That’ll teach THEM a lesson!
or cat spruce, it’s smelly
I know exactly how you feel, OB! It sucks totally. Just today somebody took my parking spot at work on me. There are so many insensitive fucking dick-guzzlers all over the place.
Sharp-eyed readers recognize that my preceding anecdote was rife with historical inaccuracies, alterations, exaggerations, obfuscations and a couple of outright whopping pork pies.
As GDM pointed out, the original story was, in fact, O. Henry’s “Gift of the Magi ” and it really has nothing to do with the original bitch.
There is no evidence that B.D.M. girls were ever employed in the camp system.
The infrastructure of Sachsenhausen was never attacked by Bomber Command..
There was never a 633 Squadron, it being a fictional creation of novelist Frederick Smith and later made into a passable actioner starring Cliff Robertson and some superbly restored De Havilland Mosquitoes.
Lastly, I do not tend to addle my brains with the halfling’s leaf, preferring instead to entrust that noble task to advancing age and Lord Iveagh’s dark frothy brew.
There was never a 633 Squadron
ivanovitch! did happen…. at camp hassenpfeiffer
regards, ilsa, she-wulffe of the naazees.
You should probably explain how to secure wreaths to doors better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su5JWj8Wlec
Love the flying over the pub bit
Your wreath gets stolen two years in a row and your grand idea is to put up another one this year? WITHOUT boobie-trapping it somehow?
You have entirely too much faith in humanity.
You really have to start reading the news and seeing what people are actually like.
http://www.radioclashblog.com/wp-content/u…
hmm, i better bring the gargoyle inside
attach loud bells to the wreath. when i lived in an apt i did that on my hall door. heard a few tentative tinkles in the evenings.
or get one of those personal panic devices that has a pull-out cord which activates a small piezo (siren) . attach the device to the wreath (hidden) attach other end of cord to the door. someone lifts the wreath, pulls the cord out and siren shrieks like a banshee. if they hang onto the wreath, the shrieking stays with them
Hide a grenade in it next year! Hoop the grenade’s pin through the hook that holds up the wreath. Make the sure the unpinned grenade will remain attached to the wreath when they take off with it. just your way of saying “Merry Christmas Corksoakers!”
Living in Montreal as a student our lit santa went missing on the 22nd and appear back Christmas morning. Every year for 5 years. After year 2, we would put chocolates or a bottle of wine inside, it could come back with something inside like a bottle of liqueur. We never ever figured out who it was. But we always looked forward to a great tradition.
Well, seeing as how the spirit of Christmas was mentioned I have to say it. After your wreath is stolen again next year, say that you gave it away. It is better to give. Next, Good dog molly, every thing you say reminds me of a toothless beany baby, thanks for pointing that out. You know what a barb is, but can never use one effectively. Merry Christmas and I’m sure you’ve spoiled your friends, errr, dogs.
Just in time for Christmas:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egtvaWzIh7o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDM3z7I4F0U
thanks admiral, i love henri
Scumbag thieves. Next year… take a shit… run around the block a few times… get your ass crack nice and sweaty… run your fingers up and down it… rub it all on the wreath and then hang it out of reach of your kids. Next year… if they steal it you can laugh cause your ass sweat and the remnants of shit and TP are on the wreath. I stuffed my sweaty rig and nut sack in a bitches special coffee mug at work cause she kept stealing every bodies pens, staplers, tape, ect… PLUS she was a bitch to everybody at work. Every time she would drink out of her special mug I would smile and laugh to myself. My sweaty nut sack and dick Fucking epic! Dickhead thieves. So think twice everybody before you pull shit on somebody else. They might just get you back.
same reason some dicks smash pumpkins on hallowe’en. Some pricks just like to see the world burn.
Don’t worry mom.. Did you have a good christmas? Focus on the good stuff and throw the wreath stealing grinch out with the trash. xo
0oh… and next year electrify your decorations and then sit back and enjoy the carnage like a bug-zapper in august.
“All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names….
USED TO.”
I agree w Molly, sarcasm is dead. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Sorry you wuz stoopid and BOUGHT your decorations, but this is how we do it in the ghetto. You should see all the stolen pumpkins we got goin on ova here in October! Shits lit up like the 4th of july, It’s off the chain.