Thank you, SET neighbour, for spray painting your car next to my vegetable garden. My fifty+ tomato plants, the chives and basil to go with them, and other ripening veggies are all now toast. It’s not like I depend on my garden to eat or anything. Oh wait, I do. —No Soup For Me

This article appears in Aug 25-31, 2011.

Join the Conversation

42 Comments

  1. Reply
  2. Reply

  3. Probably similar the the spray and colouring of the food some people purchase at the grocer…….Yellow #5 anyone?

    Reply
  4. Reply

  5. Hypothetically speaking , a dozen well-beaten eggs poured into his gas tank should make an effective engine-block omellette. You’re not a vegan, are you?

    Reply
  6. Reply
  7. Reply

  8. OP, why’d you plant your garden next to where a car parks? Who the hell spray paints a vehicle? Take it to a proper auto-body paint shop and get it done by a professional.

    Reply
  9. Reply
  10. Reply
  11. Reply

  12. That sucks, is there not laws against this kind of stuff, if you can’t spray your garden or lawns with certain chemicals how can you be aloud to do this, call the cops. Would you not need to have the car inside or covered to protect it or is this some kind of hillbilly who doesn’t give a crap

    Reply
  13. Reply

  14. That’ll be $1.3 Million OP. I accept cash.

    I don’t use this word too often, but your neighbor is a dimwit. If the car’s not worth taking into a shop it’s not worth painting whatsoever. Or was he going for something along these lines?:

    http://craigrutman.activerain.com/image_st…

    I got some scratches on my car, and I’ll be damned if anyone but a licensed professional lays a drop of paint on it, no matter how many people tell me to leave it or try to fix it myself. If I drove a shitty car I wouldn’t give a fuck to paint it.

    Reply

  15. Guys, guess what.. I really thought labor day weekend was this weekend. Ain’t that some shit? I was looking forward to not working Monday. Am I getting old? What’s it like guys?

    Reply
  16. Reply

  17. Make a nice salad for your neighbour OP. Kind of a house warming, hi neighbour thing with now carcinogenic greens and tomatoes.

    Reply

  18. Getting old? You want to know what getting old is like, Tommy? I’ll tell you what it’s like. Picture this: You laying in bed, stark naked, not a stitch on…which reminds me, I got to have the seam in my shirt mended. It let go the other day when I was trying to open my bottle of prune juice….Boy howdy! that stuff is potent. I had a glass the other day and within 5 minutes I was shitting through the eye of a needle at 10 paces. It was like watching Ol’ Faithful. Have you ever seen Ol’ Faithful? Oh what a splendid sight. Me and Bill took a trip to Yellowstone back in 1989….or was that ’98?…..anyway, Bill, you know, Bill? Got his hip replaced last year? We call him Old Lock-legged Bill, now. It was the damnedest thing…one minute he’s walking along just as happy as you please and then, crunch! His hip on his left leg just seizes up tighter than the engine in my 87 Dodge Diplomat that time we were coming back from the weekend we spent in Montreal with stripper with the glass eye, (man, SHE was a looker! -nyuk nyuk) and that female cashier from that depanneur up on the other end of rue St. Catherine. What a body! Whew! Not much of a face, mind you. She could make a freight train take a dirt road, if you know what I mean. By the way, did you know they call the train, or rather, subway in Montreal, the Metro? How weird is that?? I suppose though since..Zzzzzzzzzzzzz*snort*zzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

    Reply

  19. Some times neighbours suck OP. But I do like the nail polish retribution idea – I don’t even mow my lawn if there’s a car parked next to my front lawn so I don’t spew grass on their car. OK, well I did it once but that’s cause he never moved the car but did after that to in front of his own house.

    Unfortunately my food garden is in my front yard but it is back far enough from the road that there should be no interference from neighbours. That being said, I am planting a hedge of sorts to discourage people from entering the yard and helping themselves to the fruits of my labours. It should soon be an urban oasis in dark dreadful dartmouth.

    Reply
  20. Reply
  21. Reply
  22. Reply

  23. maybe they thought your veggies looked a little peeked, or maybe he just didn’t give a flying fuck at all? either way, the paint is probably the best taste you will get from your organically grown crap.
    i still laugh at that shit from last night’s bitch.organic is still grown in soil, which is actually organic to begin with, add worms, mulch, and a couple pounds of rotting food, and you are set to go.

    Reply
  24. Reply

  25. TG – If you look around, you’ll see that old age is beige. Beige clothes, beige hair, beige food, beige – no – putty coloured sneakers, beige Camry, beige walls, beige tilley hat…..

    And avast – prunes are now to be referred to as dried plums. I guess you didn’t get the memo!

    Reply
  26. Reply

  27. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while avast. Just what I was fishing for with that comment.

    In a fucking great mood today and you guys have really made it all the better.

    Reply
  28. Reply

  29. lol…Glad I could help contribute to your great mood day, TJ. 😀 As you can probably tell, I’m in a bit of mood myself lol (I knew I shouldn’t have come off my meds early!)
    And Dammit Snubiz! Why am I not getting these memos? I think I may have to have a little chat with Mrs. A-Whiggins. lol
    And Hugo, THAT was bloody brilliant! OMG that was funny! “Warrior’s drink!” …I love it.

    Reply
  30. Reply
  31. Reply
  32. Reply

  33. small claims court, OP. this would be a rubber stamp case for you, as long as you only file for damages.

    Reply

  34. Who the fuck spray paints their own fucking car?

    Also: I agree with small claims court! He ruined your personal property and has to pay.

    It’s funny too because he spray painted to save money and now he’s likely gonna have to pay out the same amount of money he would’ve if he had’ve taken it to a professional. ROFLZ and his car probably looks like shit! AHAHAHA

    Reply

  35. lol does the phrase “whoopi and worf prune juice” seem as funny to anyone else as it does to me? phh

    lol it’s a funny thought indeed PK. I can just picture Sebigfucktard pulling his little bit of hair out looking at the 300 bill. You know how many reach-arounds he’s gotta give for that kind of money?

    Reply
  36. Reply

  37. Pk, i spray painted my last vehicle and it turned out pretty decent. Most spray can jobs suck because the person doesnt spend enough time prepping the surface.
    My job came out with the same quality that you might see from a dept of highways vehicle that has been sprayed with an industrial paint. I spent the time to airsand it before painting, and i power buffed it 3O days later. Try it, you’ll like it.

    Reply

  38. years ago, i painted my brother’s 57 chevy 2 dr.ht. it started to rain just as i was finishing up, and the thing looked like a spotted cat, or leopard.
    it actually looked cool, and a lot of the rodders around, tried to get me to do theirs too. but alas, the effect was never quite the same. but it did bring out some wild looking cars for awhile.
    and all this was done with a 4 inch brush. ah, the memories of the pale green rig still linger in my mind. but if you want some crazy looking fucking rides, check the internetz, there are some real wild shit there.

    Reply

  39. lol yes, OC, this title is borderline epic, you have TommyJules902’s consent to use SET to your hearts desire. Don’t make me regret this! Use in the wrong context may result in action up to and including revocation of above mentioned consent.

    Reply

  40. Small claims court….lmfao you fucking hillbilly.
    Take lots of pics and go through his insurance company. if you’re going to do anything. You should have a: talked to him about it. b: called the cops to file a report if a didn’t work. c: call your insurance company if you can’t find out who he’s insured under.
    It falls under personal liability in a homeowners or tenants policy.

    Reply

  41. My dad uses spraypaint all the time for little touch-ups here and there and it looks just fine. *shrug*

    Reply

  42. my dad had a red mini when we were young, he spray painted black racing stripes on it with tremclad…looked awesome, vroom vroom

    Reply
Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *