Was that fucking mason jar of disgusting green semi-solid food so absolutely delicious that you felt the need to shovel spoonfuls of it into your gaping bearded maw throughout half of the class? The sound of that metal spoon clinking around the insides of that glass jar, followed by your horrifying slurping, for what seemed like an eternity, was almost enough to make me crazy It’s hard enough to focus on a 19th century art history class without your distracting and disgusting sounds. It’s a lecture hall, not a cafeteria. Fuck sakes. —I Hate You

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65 Comments

  1. That was Hemp-a-mite ™ and it helps the poor guy deal with the heartbreak of psoriasis.
    Learn some empathy you heartless bitch and stop believing what the Korporate gangsters of Big Pharma tell you

  2. Ohsss nossss, did the dirty hipster distract you from your liberal arts degree? “Hate” is a strong word. Does it really apply because someone made clinking sounds while you were trying to learn?

  3. Perhaps it was that super ‘green drink’ Dr Oz is always pushing on his show. Yeck…… bet it looked real nice in his bearded maw….yeck!!!!

  4. So tell him to shut up or tell the instructor it’s a distraction and he’ll tell him to shut up. If you lack the balls to do that, head down to the ceramics department and get them to fire you a pair.

  5. Art history? You should be thankful there was someone there to help keep you awake.

  6. OP

    I can’t stand frivolous complainers and you’re being one right now. Use your artistic imagination to disassociate yourself from that noise or find your better calling. You seem like one of those people who gets positive feedback from 3 people in a room of 10 and suddenly think you’re the master of the ultimate perspective. We should hang out sometime so I can aggrivate the hell out of you at every chance possible.

    If this guy eats that in class more than once every 3 weeks you might have a case.

    Maybe someone should give you something worthy of complaining about so you aren’t actually wasting you and other peoples’ time by reliving moderately irritating experiences.

  7. I call this bitch a fake. A real NSCAD student would have known that jar boy was a performance artist who was taking his final exam.

  8. “A real NSCAD student would have…” – That sounds like the beginning to an awesome game, Bro Tim.

    Someone says the first part…’A real NSCAD student would have…’ and then someone fills in the rest with something appropriately hilarious. In this instance…

    A real NSCAD student would have… “Dug out her own mason jar and used spoon from her shoulder bag, moved closer, and plopped her hemp clad ass in the next seat so the two could sit in mutual admiration of one anothers ‘uniqueness’ and share the ambiguous contents of their respective preservative containers.”

  9. What happens at NSCAD

    Some guy or girl sits face down to his or her work with the justin bieber (no capital letters) bangs hiding the eyes, with the “don’t pay attention to me” posture, when no one is actually paying attention to them, while they eek out art that is fuck all compared to most people who don’t even call themselves artists. If you’re a guy and you can grow a thick red beard you get a girlfriend. The set gear bike is an accessory if you can handle the tight dark blue jeans on the Halifax hills without the easy gears. Oh and everyone imagines themselves while they talk in order to avoid the depression that a NASCAD degree will get them fuck all nowhere. Keep that pretentious girlfriend for the 2 years you’re there, they will move on to being professional housewives for the first DAL dickhead who cries in front of them.

  10. “A real NSCAD student…. can express contempt for corporate sponsored consumerist brainwashing while at the same time bemoaning lack of corporate sponsorship for the arts.

  11. You guys are catching on! Well done! Although, Daniel, yours sounded a little bitter. This is supposed to be fun, remember?

    Now, who’s next?

    “A real NSCAD Student…

  12. “A real NSCAD Student…” can make the anarchist logo Ⓐ in the foam of a venti, no-fat latte, in order to shake the bourgeois complacency of all those “little Eichmanns” she has to serve.

  13. I knew you’d be good at this game, Ivan.

    “A real NSCAD Student…” Wouldn’t have written a bitch about other people eating, but instead sat in abject silence and envy, watching in wonder as a fellow student actually managed to afford to feed themselves.

  14. Let me try!

    “A real NSCAD student”….learns the difference between crazy and performance art depends on whether it is getting filmed.

  15. “A real NSCAD Student…” knows that the old VW Transporter currently rotting in the pothole of a parking lot behind the Hipster house that it’s drawing power from, is the best damn ‘Atelier’ this city has to offer!

  16. “A real NSCAD student”… appreciates the bio-diversity when his girlfriend’s pubic lice establish a viable colony in his goatee.

  17. Do you think a lot of NSCAD students read this? Oh well, the worst they could do is terrorize my coffee.

  18. …or remove one McNugget from the package before serving it to you….ironically, of course.

  19. Well done, Scooter! You were an unexpected contestant in the NSCAD game, but you apparently came heavily armed.

  20. Fuck you guys. I have a degree from NSCAD and I make 12 bucks an hour now! Just got a promotion from 11.50. Suck on that.

  21. You’re not playing correctly, melodymaker.

    It’s a simple game, and it goes like this…

    “A real NSCAD Student…” thinks averaging 50cents an hour in tips, and finally being allowed to interact with customers, constitutes a promotion and a raise.

  22. Screw you Captain. I’m on a fast track to assistant manager. That pays about 13.50 an hour.

  23. Shit, you really did go to NSCAD, didn’t you?

    Okay, we’ll try this again, but slower for you…

    “A real NSCAD Student….. ” thinks $13.50 an hour is good money.

  24. Now, now Captain.

    If you really are a NSCAD grad and are making your way along, congrats. I hope it involves using your training.

  25. Okay, okay… I’ll settle down now. That last one was a little unfair, I’ll admit. There’s nothing wrong with $13.50/hour. Hell, there were times the Captain would have licked boots to earn wages like that.

    It’s almost the time of day to set sail anyways.

    Until next time, players… *salutes*

  26. OMG what’d I miss? You all have me in stitches this afternoon, LOL On a sad note, my “child” is a NSCAD student, currently working in retail, making $12 per hour in a management position and has nothing to look forward to but a large student loan at the end of it all. So…..if I can add…..”A real NSCAD student chooses to be oblivious to the fact they they will, in all likelihod, end up homeless or living forever with Ma ‘n Pa at the end of it all”…….this makes me sad but hey, my kid paints a pretty picture!

  27. Jesus Captain, I, like you, was mocking the NSCAD graduate. Perhaps mocking them by using a wage example was a bit of an asshole move because a job is a job, but making fun of NSCAD grads is fun.

  28. WHAT IS ART?

    “It’s hard enough to focus on a 19th. century art history class without your distracting and disgusting sounds.” (I Hate You)

    “art, n. skill, esp human skill as opposed to nature; skilful execution as an object in itself; skill applied to imitation and design, as in painting, etc.” (The Concise Oxford Dictionary)

    What is the issue here? It seems that it is not so much the distracting and disgusting sounds of “I Hate You’s” fellow art history student – although as we shall see they will come to play a central role in the issue – but rather what she was focusing on. She was focusing on art, 19th. century art as it happens, but art nonetheless. Clearly the issue relates to the content of the concept “art.” What is it?

    Art, to be art, according to the COD is necessarily a human skill and not a natural object. A sunset, for example, while perhaps beautiful, is not art. Further, to be art the human skill involved must, once again according to the COD, consist of those attributes which involve “having or showing skill, as in being expert, adroit or ingenious.” But how does one determine how a human skill is to be assessed as being expert, adroit or ingenious? Is there any objective or empirical answer to this question?

    No, there is not. However, while there may not be precise objective or empirical criteria determinative of what constitutes art, this does not mean that the concept is wholly relative, subject to the whim of the observer. One cannot legitimately say, for example, “I don’t know much about art but I know what I like.” One’s uninformed subjective liking, in other words, does not establish art as being art. Moreover, the concept of art is not reducible to rational analysis. Like aesthetic concepts such as beauty, symmetry, harmony and so on, its criteria are internal to its execution. It cannot, in other words, be assessed by procedures external to its enactment. So, what does establish art as being art?

    If the artistic community or even the individual artist claims that a work of art is art, then it is art. The content of the work of art is irrelevant. In 1912 an autographed urinal was displayed as art at a Parisian exhibition. More recently, Tracy Emin the English artist, recently displayed an unmade bed as art at a London exhibition of modern art and claimed, without contradiction, it was art. Yet one still wonders. How can these objects be called art?

    To be art the object or skilled performance must be “framed” in the sense that it is taken out of the quotidian, elevated above the day-by-day objects or performances one encounters in the normal course of events. It is only by such elevation that the object rises to the status of art. It is in that sense that “I Hate You’s” fellow student’s distracting and disgusting sounds could be called art if he intended his performance to be “framed,” that his distracting and disgusting sounds were intended to rise above the day-by-day distracting and disgusting sounds one ordinarily encounters. If that was his intent, then they were art.

    A pleasure as always.

    Cheerio!

  29. I honestly thought you were out to get me, melodymaker. The Captain has made many enemies in his day, and they appear in all guises lately.

    You’re right, making fun of wages = not cool, making fun of NSCAD grads = Way fun

    And, Heather, you’re kid will do fine. At least, they probably won’t end up homeless… :S

  30. A real NSCAD student is thankful they didn’t go to university and obtain a Philosophy degree. At least with an Arts degree, there is a chance, albeit a slim one, to make some real money and a difference in the world with THEIR piece of paper.

  31. Just us ‘avin a laff, Heather. I presume your son knows the story of what happened when Michelangelo showed the Sistine Chapel to Pope Julius?

    He said “I’ll admit, it’s nice. But when I asked you to paint the ceiling, I was thinking more of duck-egg blue”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC75aU47GRk

  32. Thanks Ivan. I didn’t say “son”, I said “child”. Hafta protect the innocent ya know 😉 Love the trombone…nice touch, LOL And yes, Captain, my child will always have a home with me if need be. I am glad that I gave my children the opportunity to do what they love, what makes them happy, and not what parents/grandparents think what’s best for them. Or those biased guidance counsellors from the 80’s thought we should all do. If I hear another fucking idiot tell a girl to get a nice office job, I’ll scream!!!!

  33. I know a lot of people who went there; if you’re into art it is a good place to be I’m just throwing around laughs. Well, some of them have ego issues. Particularily men who are tall and pure breed pagean with overly supportive mothers. Lots of girls who make their own clothes and want to kill you if they think you’re middle eastern;) The “if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it’s a duck” principle (if you want to call it that) is prevalent there. A lot of wannabe intellectuals. All right, now I’m going to get in a lot of trouble and won’t continue this.

  34. Oh, and most of the snobs there are like that because they had nothing all through junior high and high school, and now, they have something……

  35. “Wannabe Intellectuals”…..I like that, Daniel. Totally makes sense now. Thank you for the clarity, lol

  36. WHAT IS ART? (II): DO MONTREALMAN’S ESSAYS QUALIFY?

    “To be art the object or skilled performance must be ‘framed’ in the sense that it is taken out of the quotidian, elevated above the day-by-day objects or performances one encounters in the normal course of events.” Montrealman – “What is Art? (04/03, 4:08PM)

    As an example of “framing” one immediately thinks of Andy Warhol’s painting of the Campbell Soup can. The can itself, clearly, is an object one finds in the quotidian, an everyday object one encounters in the normal course of events. However, by painting and, quite literally, “framing” it, the soup can acquired the status of art. It has escaped its quotidian existence. Can the same be said of Montrealman’s essays on Bitch? Several factors can be seen to have application.

    In addition to the fact that if the artist claims that a work of art is art by virtue of that very claim as well as the fact that a work of art cannot be assessed by procedures external to its enactment (see “What is Art?” above) – claims with which Montrealman is in compete accord in respect to his essays – a central point is that the act of “framing” itself necessarily entails embedded necessary conditions. Just framing anything won’t do. Certain qualitative factors apply. Nonetheless, in terms of “framing” there can be little doubt that Montrealman has succeeded in raising the level of the ordinary comments on Bitch out of the quotidian, elevating the standard of the usual performances one encounters on this site in the normal course of events. His success in such “framing” is clearly uncontroversial. However, that is not all.

    Other elements in addition to, or entailed in, the act of “framing” are necessary. For example, there are those of “showing skill, as in being an expert, adroit or ingenious” (viz. “What is Art?” above) – are required. The question then devolves in demonstrating that Montrealman’s essays fulfill these additional criteria.

    In respect to the criterion of “showing skill” there can be little doubt that Montrealman’s essays exemplify this virtue at a high order. In addition to clear developmental structure – he always argues from clearly specified premises to logically unavoidable conclusions – his sentence structure is pleasingly harmonious and his vocabulary elevated at times even to the point of being academic. His skilful performance is underwritten by what is clearly a masterful expertise in matters philosophical which bestows upon his skilful performance both its intellectual rigour and depth. Finally, in his adroit and ingenious handling of his subject matter whatever it might be, Montrealman displays technical mastery given to few, particularly on this board.

    So, to our original question: “Do then Montrealman’s essays qualify as art?” There can be only one answer. That answer is a resounding “YES!”

    A pleasure as always.

    Cheerio!

  37. MM: YES, YES and Yes! A resounding yes! No one writes like you, taking the time to expand upon the explanations. If that isn’t a form of art I don’t know what is! A few have tried to mimic you on here, we all know that, but all I can say to that is imitation is the sincerest form of flattery! There is only one Montrealman and he is extremely artful in every way. It’s a shame that the few hateful bitter posters have to turn everything into a power struggle full of mean spirited remarks like what was made on this post, criticizing the poster about his hourly wage and such, but once you get to know the three or four troublemakers you can just breeze past all their negative comments. I hope you will always keep us informed MM with your excellent posts. I really enjoy them! 🙂

  38. “…but once you get to know the three or four troublemakers…” – The Captain, at your service.

  39. Presto! Bingo! Out of the woodwork they came, with yet another alias. Why? we don’t know. I guess the aliases are easier to hide behind when you throw shit. O well, MM three outa four ain’t bad. Toad, Paul, and the Cap. The gift giver is probably working, but he’ll chime in later on. lol …… sooooooo predictable!!!!!

  40. I agree with Boomy. Why dont you bullies just stop ruining what use to be a good site. You all no your never as smart as montrealman. Why do you even try. Denial ain’t just a river in egypt you know.

  41. Poor, poor boomy… so confused.

    There’s none that can impersonate The Captain, little buddy. It takes a certain level of genius mixed heavily with madness and eccentricity to pull this act off.

    I also have no time or motivation to bother with a cantankerous old lady such as yourself, especially to the extent that you assume. I just needed to quote that line from your post for my joke. Now that I’m done with you, you can go back to your insane, paranoid ramblings 🙂 and I’ll keep ignoring your ignorance.

    Have a nice day!

  42. Poor ol’ Woggie….er, I mean ‘boomy’ – captivated by the Big Giant Head once more, in total awe like a country bumpkin with her mouth hanging open at the sight of a 3 story building with no outhouse in back.

    You couldn’t work another alias if you tried, you moldy ol’ flap – you are sooooo damn easy to ID, bonebreath.

  43. “A real NSCAD student would…” copy all the various aliases down on some obscure medium, give it a pretentious title, and say “Don’t try, you wouldn’t understand.”.

    Dammit. I don’t understand!

  44. ——-
    So, to our original question: “Do then Montrealman’s essays qualify as art?” There can be only one answer. That answer is a resounding “YES!”

    A pleasure as always.

    Cheerio!
    ——-

    lols
    And a Good Weetabix to *you*, my masturbating friend! 😀

    ——-
    There is only one Montrealman and he is extremely artful in every way.
    ——-

    aaaaaaand the reacharound.

    (whispers- hey, everyone. #1Wogpuppet is now doing TWO trollish personalities in this thread. Everyone pretend you don’t know its her, right? The poor old bitter thing seems to really *need* this)

    😀

    p

  45. Sure we can call MM’s rants art, afterall some people call elephant shit art.

    Can we say that this board proves multiple personalities exist?

  46. ‘…Presto! Bingo! Out of the woodwork they came, with yet another alias…’ – exactly like you, Wog Boom! Your sucking sounds on MM’s withering cheese doodle is quite impressive – did you manage to turn him inside out? LOLOLOL, Woggie-Boomy, LOLOLOLOL!!!!

  47. MM

    Although I don’t agree completely with Collingwood’s final contention of what the essence of art is, he draws some very interesting distinctions in his attempt to narrow it down. great piece of work. You should read it

    http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/collingw…

    Boomy

    Evolutionary psychology predicts that a majority of the population, and high porportion of women, will have a behaviour pattern that attempts to decide who is the “superior” alpha male or female (alpha persons). A healthy group needs variety. I don’t go by “who’s the best” it’s detrimental to healthy diversity. If we were all like MM this site would shut down, and be puke level boring.

  48. RSVP

    : boom boom boomy – Come git it (04/04, 10:29AM & 11:56AM

    Sorry for not getting back sooner boomy but I had to update my blog. Anyway, all your comments were excellent, particularly that one about “the few hateful bitter posters who have to turn everything into a power struggle” but there you go. What can you say? I’ll be keeping watch on the haters if they get out of line with my boomy.

    : holden bitter (10:44AM)

    A bit of a puzzle there bye. Your attachment didn’t, um, attach so we will never learn about that scene from that “very famous movie.” Was it a love story?

    : Pretty Kitty (12:11PM)

    Um, I believe that should be “Bender” and not “Brenda.” I think there might be a substantial difference.

    : The Captain (12:14PM)

    You’re right about the Captain boomy. He looks like he’s another hater but don’t worry, he’s incoherent. See Scooter’s comment at 1:30PM. No one understands.

    : The Toad (12:50PM)

    The Toad’s back up boomy, but ignore her. She’s run out of gas, not that she ever had much in the first place.

    : Paulio (2:11PM)

    After the usual “masturbation” schtick with which he seems very familar, he yobbers about boomy’s “reacharound.” What’s he talking about? He’ll have to explain. If he can.

    : Dim Bro Tim (2:33PM)

    Some people call “elephant shit art?” Would one of them be you, Dim Bro?

    : The Toad (2:33PM)

    More of the same boomy. Forget her.

    A pleasure as always.

    Cheerio!

  49. Op… I’d say get used to it because people eat at their desks at work all the time. But if art history is your major, looks like you’ll bypass that hurdle entirely.

    Seriously op, get over yourself. It’s not a cafeteria. Nor is it a library. Sit somewhere else nancy.

  50. RSVP

    : boom boom boomy – Come git it (04/04, 10:29AM & 11:56AM

    Sorry for not smoking crack sooner, Rheumy, but I had to aerate my log. Anyway, your stomach contents were resplendent, particularly the wine gums that a few prating toastmasters burn, every spring, in your lower butthole, but Cher says no. Why can’t you stay? I’ll be weeping with the splotchy taters if they take too firm a line with my booty.

    : holden bitter (10:44AM)

    I’m a bit sozzled there, guy. Your rapprochement with my underpatch will never spurn that scene from a “Hairy Anus Movie”. Was it bovine glory?

    : Pretty Kitty (12:11PM)

    Unbelievable that “Glen or Glenda” did not rake in sizable munificence.

    : The Captain (12:14PM)

    I have all night Cockstand but it’s puny. My books help relieve other vapors, from goat slurry, it’s all trouser tent. I’ve got Scooter (from the Muppet Show) underpants.

    : The Toad (12:50PM)

    The road’s backed up to my pig manure. We need to run for more Methane gas, not that we ever had much luck in the sweepstakes.

    : Paulio (2:11PM)

    After the visual maturation he picks up his scary billiards, and totters about whether my teaching is sound. Why do silk stockings abound? I have sex pain, in the can.

    : Dim Bro Tim (2:33PM)

    Some people fall for malevolent stick art. I’m too dim to be one of them.

    : The Toad (2:33PM)

    It sure is lame, gooney. Target my fur.

    Pez vs. Malteasers

    Barrio!

  51. MM: Your analyses is again correct! Same shit/different day for the toad and Paul. They tend to strictly focus their attentions on masturbation/sexual imaginations. I guess that’s what happens when you’re not gettin’ any. Sad really. But, no I just mainly skip over their comments. There is very little coherency and absolutely no challenge. Period. Did I not predict who would come slithering out of the woodwork? Yup. No challenges there. You’re right, best to ignore most of their crap, which I do. Nice to know you still got my back honey. 😉

  52. Testify sistah – lol. I’m not really getto, but its fun to pretend. Once again you have summed up the situation clearly and MM certainly does have your back. People who talk about masturbation and sex wil;l never get a real lady. Teach these bullies to go back into their woodwork and ignore the rest of the crap. 😉

  53. Watch your semi-colons Brenda, they detract from the body of your bitch.
    “People who talk about masturbation and sex wil;l never get a real lady.”
    ^
    “People who talk about masturbation and sex wil (sic).. ” you’re leaving us hanging there.
    “I never get a real lady” I wouldn’t have guessed you swung that way but try POF. I’ve heard some real success stories about that site lately. Apparently the girls like to send candid photos.

  54. Heather.

    Ah inferences from generalizations. Then again, how did I see that had I not identified with it….? (“why else would it be” lol) Guess I should ask what you meant from it. Because if I know what YOU might be thinking, I must myself be thinking it too huh;) Easy isn’t it. Everyone is like you, and even if that is true men are predictable aren’t they.

    Nope that wasn’t what you were thinking at all (I’m serious)

    See what it’s like to be a man. 4 tier paranoia (when the woman is completely off about what the man is thinking) when you had a bad thought association while tying your shoes and hearing the wrong part of a conversation that brings up a bad thought association from dealing with a bad experience, and then having to answer for it when your girlfriend “knows” what you are thinking, because she goes 3 steps away from something you said and turns it into her own thing. I suppose I’m probably not even saying this because I have the impression that you’re a good person (which I do). Or does half the world get an emotio-conceptual collage from that too.

    I have no idea what you’re thinking Heather, and please don’t be offended by my constant experience with BS.

    I don’t know what you meant.

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