Dear Mommy:
I really wish you wouldn’t smoke while I am growing inside your tummy. It nauseates me, restricts my growth and makes my heart beat really fast. I don’t even know what the agony of smoking cessation withdrawal is but it will be among my first experiences of life in the world as a newborn innocent.
Better me than you, I guess. Or you could just give me a puff or two after my feedings. Oh, wait. That would be child abuse. —Love, your innocent unborn son or daughter
This article appears in Jul 1-7, 2010.
Do pregnant women still smoke? Who would do that? Must be some real classy women. Jeesh. What a shame for the zygote.
Let’s see most people born from at least 1900 to the 1970s had both mothers and fathers who smoked during pregnancy and I don’t see a whole hell of a lot of problems of unhealthy babies and they grew up to be just fine. As a matter of fact the kids today seem to be all asthmetic, allergic to peanut butter and all round wimps compared to kids growing up in the earlier times.
This is as pants-pissingly hilarious as that infamous “Diary of a Fetus”
July 7 – Today my Mommy killed me.
yeah, I’ve seen preggo’s smoking away….
I just look away. what can ya do?
You cannot possibly be advocating smoking during pregnancy are you?
Hear hear Bro Tim!
Thank you, Bro Tim. I am so fucking tired of these goddamn smoke-Nazis and their dictates on the bodies of others. Both my parents smoked, I smoked during three pregnancies and they’re now all pretty healthy adults with not a hint of asthma or life-threatening allegies. No one’s saying smoking good but this fucking witch hunt is goddamn retarded. This period in our history is one built on paranoia and fear based on the pab we are fed by ‘studies’ and the media, everyone trying to inflict their sense of ‘right’ on others. Well, fuck off, you well-intentioned cunt flaps and go shove a Triple Whopper and Jumbo tub o’ fries into your chubby cheeks.
so the fact that it’s medically proven that smoking is bad for you doesn’t mean anything? No one is saying that any non-smoker lives an incredibly healthy lifestyle… yeah there are a lot of fat people and people in general who shouldn’t eat deep fried foods, but that doesn’t make smoking any less dangerous. Subjecting your child, unborn or born, to smoking is abuse.
blah blah blah yea smokers bad ; non-smokers good simple as that 🙂
@Ivan lol… I had forgotten about that one… I can’t stop laughing! Stop!
Ivan never stop. From gates of Moskva to Fuhrerbunker in Berlin , Ivan vill never qvit.
if you are a smoker and become preggers, your doctor might just tell you NOT to quit because quitting smoking causes more stress to the unborn baby.
My doc told me 5 smokes a day max which I did – and, yes, FUCKINGJESUSCHRISTONAHANDGLIDER – I also drank a glass of wine every day for the last two months which my doc also approved. I ended up with three fat (over nine pounds babies) and I’ve got the Holland Tunnel between me pins to prove it. And that was after my family warned me about my hub-unit’s low sperm count because he used to toke. Yeah, right.
The original post is horrible. It doesn’t tug at heart strings, it’s not witty, it’s not emotional. It’s just stupid.
And it’s pants-pissingly funny to boot!
the fact that it’s medically proven that smoking, licking your fingers, touching your face or eating too many hamburgers is bad for you means very little when it comes to controlling that which you don’t control nor have rights to try and control. Spying a fatty, a smoker, a nose picker or what have you certainly does NOT mean you should judge, chastise or PERSECUTE your neighbor for what they do to their God given bodies.
Leave the judging to the judges, mind your own damn business and you’ll be a MUCH happier person. The mother of unborn babies don’t need your unsolicited advice nor help. I’ll step up for them and invite you to FUCK OFF while encouraging them to simply love themselves.
My thoughts on this are divided. It is quite stressful to give up smoking, probably more so during pregnancy. But there is validity to the infant smoking withdrawal. By not quitting, the gestating woman puts the onus on a newborn to be the one to undergo smoking withdrawal symptoms. It’s not something I would choose to subject my newborn to but we all have the right to choose.
OL, what did you do, turn a new leaf? I thought you were all about telling people what they should and should not do. In fact, that’s why I love to hate you so WTF? I’m disappointed.
how do you like it?
cause we’re constantly disappointed with all your posts…
okay you fucking fool, this is going too fucking far.if you don’t smoke fine,i and a lot of other people do, so shut the fuck up with your fucking retarded ranting about this shit.you, i, and everone else on this fucking planet has free choice, mine is to smoke, yours is to shut the fuckl up about it. you whine and cry and bitch, well booby, i hope the fuck the second hand shit does get you, then we won’t have to listen to you again.
Speaking of retarded rants…
yes bluey, but fuck it felt good to just let it fly for a bit. i have been too fucking nice lately, back to the old LIFE SUCKS now.
yes suckulous, you have been eerily calm of late…it’s the dog days aint it?
Quick! Someone give The Suckage Of Life a ciggie! Sounds like he’s having a nic-fit! Or maybe smoking’s affecting his blood pressure! Don’t blow a gasket on us dude! The rant seemed to be about the unfairness of inflicting smoking on innocent babes. Nobody cares if you smoke. Everybody who wants to has the right to smoke. Some just choose to do so more responsibly than others, including some gestating women, which provides an interesting observation of the addictive effects of tobacco products VS the maternal instinct to protect one’s child from harm. Need a light?
I’m a hardcore smoker (and am actually smoking as we speak) but it disgusts me when pregnant women smoke.
I put out my cigarette when I see a child walking towards me on the street.. I couldn’t imagine doing that to a child.
Yuck. Plus you look like trailer trash while you’re doing it.
Let it go, LS, let it go. Now here’s a big fattie for ya – suck back on that and forget alllllll about the Smoke Police. People today are so fucking uptight about everything – the older I get, the more I realize there are 239,987,897,243 shades of grey between the black and white so many people live by.
And isn’t a baby ‘growing in your tummy’ an ectopic pregnancy? Or maybe it’s a talking cyst.
an ectopic preg. is in the fallopian tube methinks (not a good thing right ladies)
Thanks martym… I knew it was a preg that did not happen in the proper location… ‘tho I was pretty sure it WASN’T the tummy… so this thing growing in this woman’s tummy IS a talking cyst. 10-4
Maybe it’s just me, but when I ever do (if I ever do) get preggers, I intend on being a nazi over my health and what goes in my body. Call me paranoid, but I’d like the best possible start for my kids and exposing a poor defenceless fetus to cigarette smoke and alcohol isn’t my idea of “the best possible start.” Perhaps it’ll be easier for me because my life is already regimented pretty strictly as to what I can and can’t put into my body seeing as I’ve got the juvie ‘betes, but I don’t even plan on consuming artificial sweeteners when I’m knocked up….which is pretty much what makes life worth living to me, most of the time 😛
Don’t forget: there has to be some reason why smoking and alcohol consumption was looked at in regards to ill effects on a fetus, and perhaps maybe the overall stupidity/idiocy of the general current adult population (especially in raising kids these days) can be attributed to that? heh.
However, I will say that my mother didn’t breastfeed and my father smoked and I still ended up with 2 university degrees, a certificate and an above average IQ so…who knows.
“How To Get Ahead In Advertising” is my favorite talking-cyst movie. Followed closely by “Stop Making Sense” – although technically that is more about talking heads than talking cysts.
Maybe Suckilicious isn’t having a very successful Pon farr yet?? I seem to remember he’s in the middle of it. Have a ciggie doll, it’ll help calm those nerves and maybe make you seem sexier to certain ladies…
I never thought I’d see someone proudly bragging about smoking while pregnant. A definite first.
Talking heads/talking cysts, same diff. I loved “How to Get Ahead In Advertising”!
Oh, and can someone re-post that ‘Diary of a Fetus’, I am still giggling… (three pairs of pants so far)
that’s a funny flick commander and i love me the talkin heads^^tho for head attachment you can’t beat ray milland and rosie grier
I too am divided on this. You don’t see people judging pregnant women who choose to walk down Barrington during rush hour and breathe in all those narsty car fumes!
I don’t want this to come across as judgmental, but is an honest question somewhat directed at Pretty Kitty. I admire the fact that you plan to be super healthy throughout your pregnancy when/if you get pregnant, but wouldn’t things like artificial sweeteners take a toll on your body BEFORE you get pregnant and have some kind of negative impact on your baby?
Again, I am not trying to be judgmental (and given that I go drinking, eat cheeseburgers and chocolate sometimes, and walk down streets during rush hour (haha) I am certainly in no position to judge!). But it is interesting to wonder how our PRE-pregnancy health habits impact our unborn/future babies.
I’m gonna guess that smoking cigarettes while pregnant outranks walking down a street with car exhaust fumes in terms of ‘Bad Things To Do To One’s Fetus’. May as well do both since obviously one cannot avoid bad stuff, or even limit bad stuff. Life is pain.
L M F A O.
damn this struck me as funny.
Don’t worry little one, mommy’s just getting you ready for the second hand smoke you’ll soon be breathing.
and that’s how you know you’re alive pav
i loved being pregnant, had a shandy when he was 2 weeks overcooked
the delivery, t’other tale to tell
It’s quite simple.
Smoking when you’re pregnant means one of three things:
1. your addiction to tobacco is stronger than your maternal instinct to protect your unborn child, or
2. you don’t give a rat’s ass about the health of your unborn child, or
3. you’re ignorant of the dangers that smoking poses to an unborn child which in this day and age means you’re pretty stupid.
However, in the interest of rational thought, consider the following line of reasoning. Supposing we were talking about abortion. A lot of people would be on here either attacking or defending your choice to terminate your pregnancy, ie. end the life of your unborn child and I have a funny feeling that many of the same people who would attack you for smoking or drinking while pregnant would have no problem with you having an abortion.
I guess what it boils down to is this: a woman’s choice is a woman’s choice – smoke, drink or abort. If you can support a woman’s choice to abort a pregnancy then you should be able to support a woman’s choice to smoke or drink while pregnant.
Which leads to the conclusion that maybe I should just STFU on this issue.
Way to go UFB! 🙂
The only thing with that UFB is that the child won’t have to deal with being aborted but will have to deal with the possibility of health problems when born. And I do agree with Pretty Kitty. There are a TON of reallly stupid people in this world and who knows why that is? I’m sure it’s just not smoking and drinking while their mother’s were pregnant but I’m sure it doesn’t help. If you are one of those that doesn’t think that smoking will affect their unborn child, you know there is a chance it could, so why bother doing it? Instead of smoking, just abort it. Don’t pretend you think it’s like killing a real person …oooh the irony. The world won’t miss another human.
All agruments aside, if you can’t quit smoking even during pregnany, there’s not alot hope for ever being able to do it. I’m a smoker, I love my 5 a day , but when I found out I was pregnant, for me there was no question. I had one smoke as I let the news sink in and then left my pack on a park bench.
I’ve known lots of friends whose parents smoked and they’re perfectly healthy and intelligent. But it’s still selfish- crazy paranoid media or not- and tacky as hell.
there have been women smoking for ages, getting knocked up, and having very healthy fucking kids.and guess what, a lot of those kids, that were born into two or more smokers in the family, don’t fucking smoke. huh, how the fuck why not? do you think at age o, they had concilling, or maybe they were hit on by the anti group of every fucking thing. i know of hundreds of these kids, that are now adults 30 50 years old, and still don’t smoke, yet their partners do, answer me that fuck heads. a woman has the right, the fucking right to do with her own body, and anything in it, as she sees fit. whether she wants to let everyone in the world fuck her, have an abortion, or fucking smoke, anything that she wants to. todays kids are such a bunch of little fucking whiners and anti this or that, that i would dearly love to see all these assholes become extinct. and no realm, the pon farr is not going well. that is why i have given up on it. fuck humans and their stupid nazi ideas. i do want i choose to do, smoking or whatever, and so should everyone else, and keep their fucking beaks out of other people’s lives and business. LET’S START ANOTHER WAR UNCLE SAM.
Again how many of your parents or grandparents smoked either while your mother was pregnant herself or after you were born. How many of you grew up abnormal. Wait this is LTWWB, we’re all abnormal. LOL. But really how many of you were affected. I know I wasn’t.
I’m sure the OP has bigger concerns to worry about, like how mommy stands in front of the microwave with the busted out window, or even scarier – how she got the internet cable and laptop up her twat. Well at least I hope it’s only a laptop cause a desktop fitting up there would say a lot about this mommy being, ummmm how to put it nicely…high mileage and a lot of play in the joints.
Hey, Bro Tim, unlike ourselves, the kids of the last 20-30 years have been drilled with anti-smoking shit before they can colour inside the lines. With that kind of brainwashing, is it any wonder we have a whole regiment of Smoke Cops sitting in judgement of those who they deem more evil than Stalin’s crotch sweat? Don’t even bother arguing with them – as we learned during the Cold War, you can’t argue with fanatics – they’re hard-wired.
I’m pretty into minding my own business, including when it comes to people choosing to smoke, but I just cannot, for the life of me, see why people would find smoking as an attractive life choice. I mean, it smells, is expensive as hell, makes your teeth yellow and gross and makes your skin all wrinkly and gross…I guess the same can be said about being addicted to stuffing your pie hole and getting fat, but, eating is a necessity of life, so I can see how THAT can get out of control (you can’t eat an unlimited amount of healthy foods either, and if you have an actual addiction to eating for whatever reason you can’t just stop eating, so it’s kind of like being an alcoholic and having to cut yourself off after one or two drinks when you REALLY want to drink 10 times that). But smoking? What the fuck is the appeal (besides the addiction part — like once you get off the smoking why do some smokers defend smoking…I mean I can see an addict rationalizing, but…)?
Which brings me to another point: why do smokers always hate on fat people and food when they’re trying to defend themselves when people call them out on their addiction? It’s always the same thing “fatties have just as many health risks and they just don’t have the will power to stop shoving food into their mouthes.” Well, a lot of fat people are just addicted to food. Kind of like how smokers are addicted to smoking — why can’t YOU just get the willpower to stop sucking on your cancer sticks? I really don’t see one being any different than the other. Both are addictions. When a fat person goes on a diet what do they think about constantly? Food. When a smoker quits smoking what do they think about constantly? Cigarettes…hmm, curious.
Anyway…
Blue Knows: you make a good point and I guess I’m just more concerned about the harmful affects artificial sweeteners can have on a fetus. I’m more into the salty-type foods so i don’t tend to eat a lot of things with splenda in it, but I do enjoy source yogurt and I do put artificial sweeteners in coffee/tea (which I don’t drink that much). Though, i do drink diet pepsi quite regularly… I don’t drink caffeine though…that’s one addiction I’m glad I got rid of. Caffeine can’t be good for a fetus either 🙁
So why are today’s children so full of ADD, ADHD, asthma, life-threatening allergies? Cigarettes? I grew up in a smoking culture and I didn’t know one kid with any of the above problems, other that what’s considered ADD these days – we used to call ‘hyper’ and kids weren’t jacked up on pills to help them focus. I think the real culprit is more likely the processed garbage people consume with its dangerous cocktail of additives and chemicals.
Pretty Kitty put into words exactly what I was thinking.
“i do drink diet pepsi quite regularly… I don’t drink caffeine though”
if you’re drinking diet pepsi, you’re drinking caffeine.
Yup, there’s a TON of caffeine in dark pops. Plus the sweetner shit in the diet stuff – that according to my grandfather’s doctor likely contributed to the early onset of his parkinson’s… I stay away from those. Ick. If I need a caffeine fix, I’d much rather it come from a delicious North End independent coffee roaster’s cappucino. And I limit those to one or two a week. Oh yum.
I drink caffeine free 😉
ah, the gold label.
nothing but the best for PK.
I have breathing related issues and grew up in a smoking homes. And we’re living longer and longer now, I’m sure a part of that is part is mothers not smoking all the time during and after pregnancy (and fathers after pregnancy too ;D).
There is less (sometimes the same) amount of caffeine in dark pop then coffee!! I always drink diet Dr Pepper and it says right on the side that it has 30mg of caffeine. I wouldn’t say that’s a “TON”. That is about the same as a smaller cup of coffee. The caffeine in coffee can range between 25-150mgs. Not to mention it’s gross ;D.
TTFN, not to mention the obsession of cleanliness. Now I don’t mean going around never bathing, etc but that people are so afraid of germs they pretty well sterilize everything so kids can’t develop immunities against things. Kids today don’t play in dirt or mud, not allowed to chew on almost anything and heaven forbid if they get into a schoolyard fight. They just don’t go out and play with their friends, they go on “playdates” with one. Spontaneity is something that today’s kids know nothing about.
Both my grandmothers smoked for all of the adult lives and neither had lung cancer. Obviously, therefore, smoking is not bad for you. However, I do not think either grandmother appreciated the oxygen tanks they had to live with nor the inability to get out of bed and walk for the last ten years of their lives because of lung related issues. But, as I said, neither had lung cancer so smoking must be okay.
Babies loves cigarettes, just admit it… girl, you know its true
The caffeine free diet pepsi is the only caffeine free cola you can get around here (that and diet coke) — but, they do have caffeine free regular pepsi in quebec — along with DIET CREAM SODA! It’s clear, which takes some of the novelty away but delicious, nonetheless. I’ve heard thought the GRAPEvine (heh) that there’s diet grape in BC!
ANyway, caffeine free diet pepsi actually tastes better than the stuff with caffeine, believe it or not. 🙂
Diet cream soda and diet grape?!?! That would be amazing! I used to love grape pop because it taste like Dymatap (however the fuck it’s spelled) haha, but I haven’t had any in forever because I don’t like all that sugar. It makes my mouth feel like hot garbage.
BT: I think most reasonable parents give up on the cleanliness obsession pretty quick. Eventually, you’re just too exhausted from sleep deprivation and running around after your toddler to worry too much about sterilizing everything s/he gets near. And that’s a good thing.
Our son had a cold at 3 weeks and has been perfectly healthy since and he licks the wooden knots in our balcony floor when I’m not looking. Must be the texture …..
After re-reading these posts (had to do it many times, kept getting caught up on ‘pants pissingly’), I think we know who the real villain in this piece is: Sir Walter Raleigh
TBR, you got it totally wrong. Poor Walter was scammed by the indians (oops, I meant Native Americans).
If it weren’t for Bob Newhart, I’d have never gotten into history.
This is for you, Ivan:
Telephone rings
Yeh?…
Who is it, Frank?…
Sir Walter Raleigh?…
Yeh?…
Yeh, put him on, will you!
Hey, Harry… you wanna pick up the extension?… yeh! it’s nutty Walter again!
Hi, Walter baby, how are you, guy? How’s everything going?…
Oh, things are fine here, Walt!…
Did we get the what?…
Oh!, the boat load of turkeys, yeh! They arrived fine Walt, as a matter of fact they’re still here, they’re wonderin’ all over London…
Well, y’see, that’s an American holiday, Walt!!!…
What you got for us this time, Walt, you got another winner for us?
Tob-acco… er, what’s tob-acco, Walt?…
It’s a kind of leaf, huh?…
And you bought eighty tonnes of it?!!…
Let me get this straight, Walt, you’ve bought eighty tonnes of leaves? This may come as a kind of a surprise to you Walt but come fall in England, we’re kinda upto our…
It isn’t that kind of leaf, huh?…
Oh!, what kind is it then… some special kind of food?…
Not exactly?…
Oh, it has a lot of different uses, like, what are some of the uses, Walt?…
Are you saying ‘snuff’, Walt?…
What’s snuff?…
You take a pinch of tobacco… and you shove it up your nose. ha! ha!… and it makes you sneeze? ha! ha! ha!…
Yeh, I imagine it would, Walt! Hey, Goldenrod seems to do it pretty well over here!
It has other uses though, huh?…
You can chew it!… or put it in a pipe!… or you can shred it up… and put it in a piece of paper. ha! ha! ha!… and roll it up. ha ha ha… Don’t tell me, Walt, don’t tell me. ha! ha! ha! you stick it in your ear, right? ha! ha! ha!…
Oh! between your lips!…
Then what do you do, Walt? ha! ha! ha!…
You set fire to it! ha! ha! ha!…
Then what do you do, Walt?…
Ha! ha! ha! You inhale the smoke, huh! ha! ha! ha!…
You know, Walt… it seems you can stand in front of your own fireplace and have the same thing going for you!
You see, Walt… we’ve been a little worried about you, y’know, ever since you put your cape down over that mud.
Y’see, Walt… I think you’re gonna have rather a tough time selling people on sticking burning leaves in their mouthes…
It’s going very big over there, is it?…
What’s the matter, Walt?…
You spilt your what?…
Your coff-ee?.
What’s coff-ee, Walt?…
That’s a drink you make out of beans, huh? ha! ha! ha!…
That’s going over very big there, too, is it?…
A lot of people have a cup of coffee right after their first cigar-ette in the morning, huh?…
Is that what you call the burning leaves, Walt?… cigar-ettes?…
I tell you what, Walt!, why don’t you send us a boatload of those beans, too!
If you can talk people into putting those burning leaves in their mouthes… they’ve gotta go for those beans, Walt!… right?
Listen, Walt… don’t call us… we’ll call you!…
G’bye!
YOU ARE A FUCKING GODDESS TTFN. I could win the lottery, be able to drink coke again, start my own polygamist compound with Kate Winslet, Rihanna, & Katy Perry and be chosen to fly the first bombing strike on Tehran and still this would would be the high point of my day. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!.
No sweat, buddy. By the way, have you ever heard of a Woody Allen’s stand-up bit called ‘The Moose’? Allen was fucking hysterical back before he started porking the step-daughter.
Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmnLRVWgnXU
Thanks TT. I’ll check it out when I get home tonite. The Dunder-Mifflin computers are a tad lacking in frills, like sound for example.
I’ve got sound but my Coleco is being enveloped by rust as I typ……
Kommodorski 64ski, made with Soviet era microcheep – biggest in vorld.
no-one’ll ever need more than 8 megs of ram…
ttfn-do the baseball one, that’s my fav
Here it is, Painy:
Hel..Hello, Olympic Games. What can I do for you, Mr. Doubleday?
You’ve got a game. How many couples?
18 people? That’s a helluva lot of people.
Well the ideal game is, I mean, 2-3 couples. You know, come over to the house, they get a little smashed, and you know.
You can’t play it in the house either? You see, you’ve got two things right there against you.
All right, all right. Tell me about it.
You got 9 guys on each side. Yeah.
You got a pitcher and a catcher. They throw this ball back and forth. That’s all there is to it?
All right. A guy from the other side stands between them. With a bat. I see. And he just watches them?
Oh, I see. He swings at it?
He may or he may not swing at it. Depending on what?
“If it looked like it were a ball.” Uh, what’s a ball, Mr. Doubleday?
You’ve got this plate. Uh-huh.
And as long as it’s above the knees but below the shoulders, it… No, no, go ahead, I’m listening… it’s a strike. 3 strikes and you’re out, and 3 balls…
Not 3 balls, 4 balls. Why 4 balls, Mr. Doubleday?
Nobody’s ever asked you before.
Or he may hit it? If he hits it, what happens?
He runs as far as he can, before somebody catches it. As long as it stays what?
As long as it stays fair. And what’s fair, Mr. Doubleday?
You’ve got these two white lines? Is this a rib? Is this one of the guys in the office? Who is this?
Mr. Doubleday, that’s the most complicated game I’ve ever heard in my life. Forget it. Right. Mr. Doubleday, listen, though. You come up with anything 2-3 couples, you be sure and let us know.
All right, Mr. Doubleday. I’ll be talking with you.
<3 TTFN
You’re making my work day much more entertaining 😀
Mine too! *applause*
many many mercis from this bitch…happy sweaty rawk
I’m just going to boo TTFN to be contrary…
booooooooooooooooooooooo
Was that boo or boo urns?
I said booo urns.
Ivan/zZz:
If you don’t like it, come up with something better :p
Let’s turn the fetus diary bitch into a stand-up comedy routine!!!
Oh No – don’t drag me into this, I was just doing Hans Moleman. >; ) My appreciation for TTFN was expressed earlier this A.M. And isn’t that what LTWWB is – an improv club for aspiring standup comics?
Besides – Nobody can top Newhart.
Ivan, I don’t care… You’re gettin dragged…. I needs laughs 😀
Newhart???? Ivan, your age is showing….
as far as the older shows are concerned, I was always more of a Maxwell Smart fan…
Fair enough Snap. We’ll see what we can do.
That’s right zZz; I managed to grow old without ever being in any danger of growing up. I’d show you my Belly Savalas imitation but it’s pretty much all visual and I need a tootsie pop for full effect.
I love fucking Newhart – the ending to his second series has never been topped. Good standup is good standup, no matter what decade it comes from.
I was also a huge Get Smart fan until Max started boning 99. He should have picked Emma Peel and her leather jumpsuit, IMHO.
i have some tootsie pops at the shop colonel…wlyb. moi aussi ttfn and zZz us old funny farts never die, we just get louder
What DON”T you sell PG. You make your shop sound like someone crossed the Tardis with Ike Godsey’s General Store and wrote a Twilight Zone Episode around it. Starring Jack Klugman AND Burgess Meredith (tied for most TZ appearances – there’s your useless trivia for the day zZz).
And TTFN is spot on about Newhart- that ending was such utter genius that all other series enders are shite in it’s shadow.
Burgess…. the good penguin… nice.
ah well, I suppose you all have that in common….
since your combined age between the three of you is pretty close to 156.
You’re just being kind; but we won’t tell a soul.
Haha! You’re all old :p
aaah sweet admiral… i don’t sell them, they are given to pleasant customers only and i have dog treats as well. better for your teeth…i am the captain of a ship of madmen. robert redford played death in a tz episode…nerds we are
Here’s to us; and them like us. Damned few left; and they’re all dead >: )
considering Snap, Jonno, Angel, and I combine for close to 110….
having trouble relating…
bonus is we’re all invincible though.
That would mean we’re an average age of 27.5 years…. Which is 5 years older than my actual age… WTF???
man we got us some real young’uns here abouts^^^
signed 7 x 7
Jon and I drag the average up a little…. plus it was ‘CLOSE to 110’
Well look at you all splittin hairs :p
They’re practically fetuses Paingirl – SO NO SMOKING!
Just kidding, terminate ’em in the 108th trimester; I don’t care >; )
You old folks watch yourself before you get beaten with your walkers, and “accidently” OD on your meds :p
Ah Ivan, I see that senility is setting in nicely.
You meet the same new people every day, don’t you?
And I spend less on books too. Plus I get to say the most outrageously offensive things and people think it’s “cute”
Senility comes in like little cat’s feet… or was it little rat’s meat? Why in the hell am I talking about mouse dicks?
TTFN: can you do the one about the Chicago Cop trying to talk the guy out of committing suicide… or ‘Ben Franklin in Therapy’? (I’m a little behind in the Newhart posts)
hay ttfn: i watched newheart when I was a wee one, but dont remember the ending — what was it?
Well, PK, there were two Newhart series, the first in the 70s about a shrink, his wife and nutty friends – the second series in the 1980s had Bob running a New England inn with the wife and nutty locals. Anyway, at the end of the 2nd series, Bob sells the inn to some Japanese businessmen who turn it into a golf course. Along the way, Bob gets hit with a golf ball, blacks out and wakes up to the wife of the first series, talking about this crazy dream he had about being an innkeeper in Vermont…it was so fucking brilliant – the only time my jaw literally dropped watching a sitcom – the only other time was when that motherfucker O.J. got off.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA that’s brilliant.
I remember the second one vaguely — used to watch it with the parentals when I was a little kid.
“I’m larry. this is my brother darryl. This is my other brother darryl.” hahaha
That last episode also saw the 2 Darryls speak for the first and only time.
lovin the new picture commander…and kudos for taking a strip off the wanker. snort
Any time my dear, any time. The pic is probably the best obscure historical reference that the Simpsons ever made. When we first saw the episode, SOBova and I did a double take and said – Is that what we think it is?
Vive Le Corbeau Libre!
…also, it was Sonovabitchova who located and downloaded the pic for me, so a big shout out to my enabler, swim-buddy, conscience and co-parent of the big furry Diva, Countess Bluberry von Puff E. Pantz.
Lovin’ Rawk – Rawkin’ Love.
*sigh* laggards unite…i am losing my tech support soon. i have managed to change my picture twice, the second time all by myself. merci to my bff and the fur ball
So this is what it feels like…when doves cry.
nice one ttfn…you guys are smokin hot this week^^
It has been a kickass week. Everyone’s been at the top of their games. 115 comments, When was the last time we managed that? Not bad for a glorified chatroom. >; )
SQUEE!!!!
I think the lack of updates is the problemo.
You forgot a couple of classics, that rival any routine…ever
Abbott and Costello – Who’s on first?
Tim Conways’ – The Dentist.
Ivan… 20 of those are yours….. not that I’m one to talk but you’re hitting the 16% range on this thread…
Lack of updates is definitly a problem here. I am not impressed by the moderator on that count. Fuck, I miss Andy and Tim. At least they’d throw you a bone or two regularly, not fix you up with six cans of dogfood in a dish and expect you to make it last a week.
WOO HOO!. I jus love seein my name in the top 3.
sure zZz…mr. i am over 4000 posts. silly hot rawking sent your way
hey, I SAID I wasn’t one to talk…. why throw that back at me???
this makes 13 so I’m a tard as well…. plenty of slagging to go around.
ppppffffffffttttt…. just glad it’s Friday
oh, and I don’t mind the update timing… I’m just slightly peeved at the “enter this contest for tickets to _____” and when you click on it, there’s no entry for the contest….
WHY IS THE COAST MESSING WITH ME?!?!?!?
Mommy taught me lying was bad….
bad, bad coast.
where zZz? i’ll get it fixed for one and all…
the girl that played with fire contest that shows above the coast top ten… clicked on it and and there’s no contest for it currently active.
happens about 50% of the time with the contests…
not sure whether they appear a few days early…or linger after the contests are closed.
either way, it’s messing with my head, which is already quite thoroughly messed at this point
Happy Friday Everyone! WOOOHHOOOOOOO!!!!
Just thought I’d add to the posts since there’s nothin’ else to comment on.
hey now i sang a winnie the pooh song for your 3500th
hip hip hooray for the piglet and the pooh and zZz too
my brain is all melty like a banana popsicle. heehaw
oh and the book series “the girl with the dragon tattoo” well worth reading
zZz: looking into it with production…
everyone awaiting new B&L’s: Thursdays/Fridays are crazy busy for me (invoicing, distro, and all the other things I do here). Bitches & Loves get put on the back-burner until these things are well in hand. Sorry if your bored. I’m sure you’ll be doing fun stuff over the weekend, while I’m catching up on the bitch backlog. Never fear though, there will be new posts before De La Soul takes the stage, I promise – I just have to take my weeman to his Dad’s first.
xo
Maude
thnx Robyn,
and you get the books with the pass… so I figured what the hell.
Not like it costs anything…
I don’t think many people enter so chances are decent.
I know I’ve had a few lucky strike’s with their contests….
and I can think of no situation, scorching or otherwise, that would possess me to try to enjoy a banana popsicle… blech
I’d rather have a spinach popsicle over banana..
Anyone remember cola popsicles?
And lime!
OOOOH and TRI COLOUR!
Frig.
well if you don’t win you can borrow my copies…and yes the banana popsicle, not very popular that’s probably why i can never find them. lime, orange, root beer, grape, chocolate? not to be confused with the fudgesicle
PG— you can get Chapman’s Banana popsicles at Stuporstore pretty regularly. What I really dig is now you get is a really good Moon Mist knock-off there now too.
What I really miss is are Root Beer popsicles, but I was able to find Root Beer flavoured freezies.
I think I’m gonna make a Marg and move into my deep freeze for the rest of the day.
make yer own! popsicle tray, sticks, rootbeer (or poison of choice) and a freezer! ta-da!
thanks doc…freezies are good and the popsicle bits don’t fall on you. orange creamsicles are good but more dessert like. i just wanna a feckin cold beer whaaaa
zZz: problem has been diagnosed, solution forth-coming.
happy weekend to all.
I’m awaiting my return home to half a midnight truffle blizzard…
and if it’s still scorching out I’m headed to a lake to plunge into.
paingirl… I certainly wouldn’t mind a lend..
we’d be crossing that line of anonymity but so far all those past have turned out quite well.
🙂
so many lines, so little time.
The Millenium books are an awesome read… All though sadly, I’ve only gotten through the first two… The third one got released in May, but I’m jus waiting to get it from the library…. I’m 143 in the que 😀
i am reading the third one, i actually have a mini library at the shop. i loan them to trustworthy customers and i haven’t lost a book yet. i have left enough clues in my rantings that i figured some bitch would have figured me out…i hide in plain sight rawk
….I’m an idiot, and haven’t spooted these clues 🙁
But we can go book for book? :p
it matters not, if you find me i will loan you any book i possess. have fun spooting teehee
Oh man, zZz is no longer top poster :p
Nice goin Ivan & PG!
I realise this is an old post but this topic is dear to my heart so i feel i must put my opinion out there as well…these women that brag that they smoked while pregnant, that their children are apparently in perfect health etc etc blah blah…they are missing the point completely. Most people are not saying that smoking while pregnant = baby with health issues…its not that black and white …what those of us who are disturbed by that gruesome sight are saying is that by doing so you are increasing the chances that your child will have a medical issue which may be discovered early on or possibly later in life…so dont count yourselves out of the blame just yet. Why roll the dice with your children. My mother smoked while pregnant with myself and my brother and we each have medical conditions which are “highly likely” to have been caused by her behaviour as determined by multiple medical professionals ..My mother being one of the stubborn smokers would not acknowledge this for the longest time…not until she had her first stroke and her doctor told her that she would ahve to quit smoking or die very very soon..she of course has not quit but she has apologized for not quitting while pregnant..next to my hospital bed ..in tears with my specialist present..seeing her first born son suffering at her hands… To use that “my children turned out fine” argument is absolutely insane and if you cant even recognize that you are an idiot. You cannot argue with science here…to believe that since your children have thus far not been diagnosed with any issues related to smoking does not mean they wont later in life…maybe tomorrow…We wont even get into growing up in a smoking household…i grew up in one and know how shitty it is…anyway…that argument i just mentioned above is just as silly as saying “well we never had child car seats and we survived so why do we need them now” or “my boy doesnt need a bike helmet..i never used one”…the point is..if you know for a fact…and you do…that smoking puts your child at greater risk of getting sick or hurt…why on earth would you continue to do it???…i once saw a woman with her son in a crowded subway station slap another woman she didnt know, who was smoking during pregnancy, right across the face, not very hard but enough to make a point..then spit in her face and say “you dont deserve to be a mother” ..and walk away…then that shocked pregnant lady got on the subway looking at the floor the whole time and could not look a single person in the eye. There were some uncomfortable folks down there but controlled cheering ensued seconds later. The slapper hadnt realized she did it til it was all over and was worried…I saw that pregnant girl several times over the next few weeks…never with a cigarette. I had heard from a friend that was with me that day that the new mother saw that same woman one day while her new baby girl was just a few months old and hugged her and said thank you. My friend and I were in the park a few blocks from that subway station one day, months later, and saw those two women together at the park with their kids.