A big shout to the dude who decided to climb into my car on my driveway and proceed to smoke a cigarette. Hey, its ok that in that violent rain storm you decided to go down my rural driveway in the middle of nowhere and check into my one month old Mazda (thats just creepy). What is not ok is you lighting up and dumping ash all over the seats, door and centre console, then leave without closing the door properly. I have never locked our doors because, who the hell would be walking way out here in the middle of the night? And besides, this is Halifax, where kindness and decency restored my faith in humanity since coming here three years ago.
I guess the baby and child seats in the back didn’t make you wonder “hmm, maybe I shouldn’t smoke in here.”. Your filthy habit and stupendous sense of personal entitlement are shocking. Enjoy the lung cancer, you human cyst. —Parabolic Frolic
This article appears in Dec 5-11, 2013.
1) As many a Bitcher here has learned to their chagrin – lock dat shizzle, muhfuggah. (Sorry for keeping it real, but I’ve spent the last 3 days home with the flu watching Chris Rock clips on u-toob
2) Be grateful neither you nor your children were in the car when Sammy the Squatter decided that you personally owed him accessible housing.
3) You may not need to invest in electrified fencing, CCTV a Bushmaster AR-15 and a rottie named Kaltenbrunner, but at the very least, keep your property locked. No matter how rural your domicile, you are never truly unreachable by other people, which means you are never truly safe from scumbags.
What Ivan sayz!
Dis ain’t little house on da prairie. Lock ya damn doors!
Who the hell would be walking way out here in the middle of the night?
People who smoke.
And like poor little Mamabear RC (Bruised but not broken; Posted on Mon, Dec 2, 2013 at 4:00 PM), I might suggest it is YOU with whom you are most angry…
Jesus cryin’ cripes, PK’s sick too, Ivan 🙁
The dreaded D&V. My insides are emptier than Klyde’s before his colonoscopy. >: (
Just be thankful your address book wasn’t within that dirty smokers reach. We could have had a real situation on ours hands, OB.
When we moved out to Hillbilly Hollow, we installed a security system and locked our car, much to the amusement of our toothless neighbours. Their gummy grins as they drove past our place was reason enough. I only know they’ve had their collective eye for the past month on my twin goats, Gravel Gertie and B.O. Plenty – and only because they found out my babies can swallow empty beer cans whole.
Smoke in a car – quelle horror! Man sitting in car smoking – creepy ass.
Oh I hears ya, uncle #otterbox ivan.
drink sugary drinks. That’ll help.
I’m on the dave chappelle vids now. Yesterday was in-and-out-of-consciousness with netflix’s ‘Death Row.’
Apple juice, ginger ale and SOBova singing “Soft Kitty” have sustained me. At least today I can sit upright for an extended period of time. It’s the little things you learn to appreciate.
Get better soon, PK and Ivan. <3
Thanks little buddy. That link to the Girls Und Panzer episode site that you shared with me a couple of weeks ago has come in very handy.
I’d trade you colonoscopy for the D and V’s anyway Ivan, lol.
Anyday…my bad or phone’s bad.
Keeping your car locked is very good advice, but this is by no means your fault. Even an unlocked car should be left alone.
Should you feed goats aluminum?
My car alarm would go off and neighbors would think it’s party time.
A LACK OF RESTRAINT
“Your filthy habit and stupendous sense of personal entitlement are shocking. Enjoy the lung cancer, you human cyst.” Parabolic Frolic
I must say that for one who claims that Halifax restored your faith in humanity, I found your remarks over the top. Particularly the one about the “human cyst.” Can you show no restraint?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Kindness and decency cannot be used in the same sentence with Halifax. Certain areas of our city are full of scum and filth that, thanks to an over generous social safety net, always manage to remain unemployed, but sufficiently virile to produce several little bastards. 2014 prediction – the return of the use of the word bastard to describe sprogs born out of wedlock.
Ivan – perhaps this will help make you feel better, Israeli SWAT team in action, next stop Fairviewistan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC7dZmTW_UE
youse guys must have been snogging during brunch to all come down with the shoots n scoots at the same time
Why should the smoker, or anyone else, care that there were child seats in the car? Would it have been okay for the smoker to use a childfree car? The existence of your spawn does not entitle you to any more, or less, consideration than anyone else.
WE had Painey sitting between us to keep us honest, GDM. >; )
Besides, any bacillus that could survive the Caesars that were being guzzled, I’d be proud to host in my corpus delecti.
Wonder if the coffee had any bacillus?
If you haven’t tossed up your ring by now, you’re probably pretty safe, Klyde
I didn’t suffer the same malady that you and PK suffered this week, can’t remember imbibing any Caesar’s unless someone slipped one by this old guy and my hair was in the way, hope you two make a super speedy recovery. I always enjoy myself and good thing I didn’t have anything in my mouth when T.T. whispered something in my ear, I was almost LMFAO to tears.
OP is a moron. You can live in the suburbs or way outside a city and people will drive out there to steal stuff. Hey, if you like sketchy strangers having easy access to your car, by all means ignore the locking doors that are included.
seriously. don’t ever leave your house. bad things will happen to you. if you are a woman, don’t show any skin, or whatever happens is clearly your fault. and whatever you do, don’t post anonymously about the shitty illegal thing that someone did to you in a column called ‘love the way we bitch.’
This is the funniest part of the post 🙂
“And besides, this is Halifax, where kindness and decency restored my faith in humanity since coming here three years ago.”
I’m sure you got your “towns” mixed up 🙂