I see you and your two friends are pretty special hipsters, but that doesn’t entitle you to walk side-by-side, taking up the entire sidewalk. And please don’t inconvenience yourselves by moving slightly to accommodate anyone trying to walk single file, you are far too important to give a shit. Next time you may get a shoulder-full of “move the fuck out of the way”.—I’m-not-moving.
This article appears in Oct 31 – Nov 6, 2013.
Why not “This Time”? It’s not difficult, eyes front, shoulder braced, rig for collision and let them say “Excuse me”
Just announce: ‘Coming through’ – then part the hipsters like Moses allegedly did the Red Sea.
I bet if you carry a baseball bat…the hipsters will move tout suite to let you by.
UGH I hear you! This happens to me all the time! I used to move over onto the grass, etc when it was obvious the person was not going to move single file…. now I mutter “share the sidewalk!” and let them run into me.
I got this tip from LTWWB months ago. Just stop walking for a second on your half of the sidewalk. They will walk around you then.
Its a weird theory, but it works every time.
Oh, and psh!
Hate when that happens.. I usually just brace myself and stay on my side of the sidewalk.. if we bump into each other than so be it..
That was zZz’s advice Nukka and yup, 99% of the time it works every time.
Take it easy op. Hipsters historically don’t have a very solid grasp of geometry or physics.
In this situation, I get in single file with my wife behind me, then I do the rigid shoulder as Ivan says. I get a lot of “WTF” is wrong with you looks and just a bit of blah blah.
I use to do “the just stand there” and these morons would still would run in to me.
Subtle social interplay between people. “Should I give ground to those pesky walk-abreasters and seem submissive or plow headlong into the ground and show that I will not be dominated?” Doesn’t matter, usually people are just being oblivious when they do that, not trying to you out of the way.
Yes, the stopping does work. They will walk around you.
UNSPOKEN RULES GOVERNING SOCIAL INTERCOURSE
As with all other forms of social intercourse, walking on the sidewalk is structured according to unspoken conventional rules which regulate appropriate behaviour. Usually such behaviour is based on criteria of class. For example, when encountering a member of the Halifax Underclass, it is assumed that he or she will give way. However, there are further unspoken rules which transcend class yet apply with equal force. One of these happens to be the rule relating to those possessing greater social acclaim or esteem.
In the present case, greater social acclaim or esteem applies to what you disparagingly refer to as “pretty special hipsters” but I think this is little more than petulant social envy on your part. In other words, you know both that while they are pretty special hipsters, you are not. You lack sufficient social esteem or acclaim. Indeed, you probably lack any social esteem or acclaim at all. You are a social nullity, a nothing, so get out of the bloody way!
By the way, I think I just ran the board for Monday, November 4, in respect to which a great deal of social esteem and acclaim attaches and for which I humbly accept your congratulations.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Thanks Hoist, I forgot who said it and think that all the “likes” I got should be redirected to zZz now. It may be my most successful comment yet, but alas, I cannot take the credit.
And I thought I was the resident word counter for this site, right GDM?
Reg- I liked your comment, but am left with a question. Are you submissive in the situation or dominant?
A group of novice monks were walking into town for the alms round, when they encountered an old donkey.
The donkey was known to be irritable, and had bitten several people in the area. One of the novices raised his voice to the others and said, “I will show you how to deal with this old rogue!”. He then adopted a fighting stance, jumped upon the donkey’s back, and jumped again to the ground, landing in a fighting stance. All day long, talk of this spread through the grove.
Word of this came to the Buddha’s long ears, and the novices were summoned to appear before him. “Follow me, and I will show you the proper way to deal with this beast.” He led them to the donkey, and then walked in a large circle around the donkey, giving the beast lots of room, and then on into town.
“A group of novice monks were walking into town for the alms round, when they encountered an old donkey…” – The Captain believed this to be the beginning of a humorous joke…
The Captain was disappointed.
And Nukka…
“psh” – Working on a new catch phrase? The Captain believes there’s a lot of potential in this one. Well done.
Just say “Did one of you drop your iPhone?”, and then when they stop in confusion body-check one of them into the road.
NOTE: This only has a 25% chance of working, because there’s a 75% chance the twatwaffles will be using their phones at that very moment.
If they have an iphone, they deserve what they get.
Thanks Nuks… I’ll redeem them on a day I’m feeling particularly bitter.