Sorry to the men in advance.
Why is it when I’m on my period, I get soooo über horny!? Thanks body, for the most useless trait in the world. All I can think about all day is SEX. I’m like writhing around in my shitty office chair, trying to calm down but I don’t even want to, I want to bang someone! Is this normal? I get these stupid irrational thoughts in my head, like if someone in my office could read minds, they’d be totally weirded out by me! We’re allowed to listen to iPods/radio while at work and every single friggin’ song, I imagine myself and some random hottie doing the deed to the song, preferably there are people around to hear us and get disgusted. Is that even a normal fantasy?! Most people have fantasies like doing/being a naughty school girl, Princess Leia, foreign muscly men, etc etc but nooo not this lady. My fantasy is just banging the legs off of some random guy, of which I don’t even know his name. Is this what Tiger Woods feels like? I don’t really believe in “sex addition” but WHAT THE HELL is going on in these pants?
When I’m out in public, my eyes are glued to every man’s crotch as they walk by, and I feel like a total dork because they can probably tell where I’m looking but the thought doesn’t even occur to me until after they pass. I’m sure this would be all fine and dandy if my boyfriend lived in the same province as me at least and I wasn’t on my rag! During this horrible time, I see anything and everything as sexual; it doesn’t take much to send a lightning bolt through my loins. Drinking out of a straw, door-knobs, pens, coughing and/or clearing of the throat, milk, that flashlight over there, locking a door, etc etc. And if I see anyone or anything resemble my boyfriend in the slightest, it’s all over; a single tattoo (not a whole sleeve), sport bike, reallly realllly short buzzed hair, muscly-ness and man in army uniform. I feel like I may just pass out from all this excitement and aggression if I don’t get some soon! But as soon as my period is over, it’s like the switch is turned off and I go on with my life as if this sexual deviant never even reared its horns….its long, bony, twisted horns….!! Oooooh jeez.
Each time my boyfriend is around for this week of whore-er, he offers to do other things but I don’t think there’s anymore more awkward than worrying about my string hitting his face……..so that’s a no-go. Well thanks for letting me get this off my bouncy, little chest, Coast. —Ivana C. Mutchmor
This article appears in Nov 11-17, 2010.
Oh, Our Suckulous couldn’t have picked a worse week to be out in the woods.
Oh ffs
holy hell…
either this is a dude trying to spark some crazy banter…
or you, lady, have issues.
feel bad for captain commando out there while away too….
and milk?
seriously?
locking a door?
wow, when did the novascotialive.com crowd start posting here?
This bitch seems so fake. It’s like you’re trying to turn the guys on by talking about how horny you are…
You do realize that it is normal for women to get this horny right? Especially when they’re on their period. AND I’m with zZz on the milk and locking a door thing… you’re just listing random shit…
Way too much info. Haul yourself down to Venus Envy, get yourself a turbo-speed double headed dildo and stop humping our collective legs.
This post reminds me of the joke:
What’s the worst feeling in the world for a guy?
Waking up with a lump in his throat and there’s a string attached.
Or since you’re on your period and you may not want to get blood all over a dildo, just buy one of those vibrating eggs… they’re great and no mess!!
haha, nice one ttfn…retch
Yack! That’s a nasty one TTFN!! I call fake “bitch”. But really , it’s more like erotica then a bitch.
So, sure, being really horny happens, but uh, this is just a little ridiculous.
Exactly ralmn… completely agree.
The new mod can’t get here soon enough, it seems…
Hi brendon 🙂
Hey, PF. 🙂 Howzitgoin?
Great… how are you?
I’m doing pretty good.
(Eurotrash Voice)”Hey funboys – get a room” – Just joshin’ >; ) Screeeeeee
Bahaha it’s otay, Ivan. It’s not like we’re any worse than notsonewt and martym. 😛
Like them, you guys make a cute interweb couple. Strange and wondrous things can happen in our little duchy.
#1. Use a diva cup and you don’t have to worry about string. #2. Eat some chocolate. #3. I don’t get the milk and the door locking etc…
Aww shucks, Ivan.
Sorry if I’m not much of a conversationalist, PF. ^^; Though this being a public forum and all doesn’t really help matters. *winkwinknudgenudge*
I stopped reading when I read “on my period.” Gross…..it’s almost lunch time here.
Why is it called a “period”? It doesn’t look like a “period” on the tampoon ads. Hell it looks blue on the TV….like a Smurf. It is a period of time, but like another BITCH said was 7 days….why not call it your “1/4 monthly”?
This is absolutely a troll disguised as a bitch and deserves no comment whatsoever.
I can almost believe this bitch was written by a man for the amusement of us all.
The only thing missing is the
“Dear Penthouse Forum,
I never thought this would happen to me. My husband’s college buddies came to visit this week and wouldn’t you know it I was on my period which just made me more eager for a foursome . . . “
I say fake. No soup for you.
Next!!!
Bahawhawhaw, CE, thanks for that!
Jeeze, another case of hormones directing self-contol to the genitals instead of the brain. Control yourself with your brain, OP, not your genitals, so people don’t have to read this crap! WOW! Here’s a clue: NOBODY CARES about your bloody unplugged clam! Keep it to yourself like the rest of the female population.
I think lots of girls can get this way…especially when it’s not a good time to be this way. But what got me thinking OP was a dude was the “bang the legs off some random guy”…….now as a girl you can’t really bang a guy can you?…. we can be “banged”….but I can’t really bang a dude? Maybe I’m old fashion, but that’s just me.
I call fake bitch.
However, I have heard of ladies who are super horny the week leading up to and the week during their periods (the week leading up to because you’re ovulating and it’s nature’s way of saying ‘ok let’s make a baby now!’)…but…this is just too over the top to be valid!
No one has ever tried laying a towel down during this time…don’t tell me I’m the only one.
This bitch should have Donna Summer’s ‘Love to Love You Baby’ playing in the background. And some of that funky whacka-whacka bass from Shaft.
I call fake bitch even MORE after reading the other period bitch.
Aw Seb’s so clueless. Just think of it as rain on a lady garden sent to keep the flowers blossoming. If it was blue that would be awesome! If it was blue and tasted like kool aid then all the boys would want to put their lips where our hips are … point being, nature is unfair indeed.
I read his second paragraph in Andy Rooney voice. It totally works – TRY IT. >: )
who the hell is Andy Rooney?
Thank you, once again for reminding me of my age zZz – you miserable prick. >; ) *Heehaw*
any time you old fart…. you’re due to forget again in another couple minutes.
This is the joke that can keep on giving….
🙂
Thank you, once again for reminding me of my age zZz – you miserable prick…….
What the deuce? DAMN DAMN DAMN!
fake fake fake fake… some thirteen year old boy’s fantasy fake bitch, the other one is probably fake and written by the same person too
Hey Kitty, you ovulate the week after your period, not before. Hope you’re using something stronger than the rhythm method. 😛
Hey watch it Ivan, remember I’m…I’m….what?
Fat, you’re in for it now :>) That’s a straight line that Seb won’t be able to let pass bi.
Hypocrite crybabies are like that, Hugo 🙂 It’s okay. I’m a big boy and ready for whatever.
He may let the straight line by, bi, after he tries telling it that it’s gay or would be better off leaving it’s wife.
I call fake on this one.
Actually, Three, it can be anywhere from 11 to 21 days after your period. 21 days would theoretically put you one week before your period. But that’s only if your cycles are on a regular 28 day rhythm.
Also: I’m saving myself for marriage haha
New Mod is testing us playmates!
hey rosie/riley…never a dull moment. how are your transportation issues?
Uh… let’s just say I am afraid of my car. I will give myself a heart attack very soon I just know it. Too much stress… (booo)
as long as you get to where you need to be^^
LOL… good one, OP and I feel your pain:)
Hee hee,
Me 2 Ivana -_- much more.
Alover.
PK: Ovulation happens between 11-17 days after your period starts. Not 21. Egg drops usually around 11 days after the first day of your period – and is viable for roughly 5 days waiting for sperm. 2 weeks before your period is about to start again.
it’s our very own sex education for the bitches…screee
Actually I looked this up in a medical text book a few years back, RC. 11-21 days after your period is what it said 🙂
According to Wikipedia (so it must be true), “Ovulation…usually occurs regularly, around day 14 of a 28-day menstrual cycle. Once released, the egg is capable of being fertilized for 12 to 48 hours before it begins to disintegrate. Although there are several days of the month in which a woman is fertile, she is most fertile during the days around ovulation.”
Why y’all so obsessed with periods and cycles and stuff? I went in search of the “correct answer” and got a whole bunch of stuff about your rhythm and your cycle days and luteal dates and oh God. Guess I’m not too good at being a woman. Don’t know my rhythm or how many days it is b/w cycles … just know it’s coming cause the girls inflate. Other than that periods can f*** off.
From what I’m getting you’re both right? Eh I dunno.
Good luck with that when you’re trying to get pregnant – go to any pregnancy website – put in the first day of your last period and It will give you your most fertile days – it may be possible to get pregnant 21 days after your period – but not bloody likely. I’m speaking from someone who tried to get pregnant and worked with an OBGYN – But if it’s in a text book then what do I know.
Example:
Last period started on Nov-04-2010.
Number of cycle days is 28.
Your next ovulation will most likely occur on Thursday, Nov-18-2010.
Your fertile days are between Monday, Nov-15-2010 and Saturday, Nov-20-2010.
When the hell did the internet gain more cred than actual peer reviewed medical literature? LOL
Anyway, I have PCOS and likely won’t get pregnant without clomid. So, yeah, good luck to me.
Well who needs a doctor or a scholar when you have Google, Yahoo and a mouse, PK? 😀
LOL.
And four different doctors can tell you four different things. I’ve been to enough docs to know that a lot is left up to subjectivity and personal judgement on the part of the MD.
I have a good friend who’s a doctor and she’s mentioned that one of the most annoying patients are the ones who constantly give themselves “internet diagnoses”…and figure since they know how to operate google, they should be qualified to make medical diagnoses. Perhaps a prescription pad should come with a subscription to the internet?
Google is my friend – I used it for everything from fixing a broken fridge to the best recipe for squash/maple soup ever last weekend. Sigh… though I stay away from medical stuff, mainly by staying ridiculously healthy (knock on wood).
The internet is great for a lot of things, but the fact is any idiot can make what appears to be a “credible” website these days, and you really have to be skeptical. I’ve worked in academic libraries for over 5 years in the past and did a research degree so I know how to check the cred of a site, but not everyone has the background I have. Which is just scary considering what’s out there.
I say just have sex everyday. The end.
Sorry Miss PK. I have endometriosis so I know what you’ll go through, that’s why I have 3 OBGYN…lol. And you’re right…every websites different…every doctors different…and every body’s different…nothings for sure 100%. Me and the internet have a love hate relationship…great for recipes but not for diagnosing my illnesses.
I like your theory, Donk, um, I mean, Electric Boogaloo. 🙂
I got a flu shot today. According to the Internet I’m going to become a slave to the New World Order very soon.
haha…or grow the head of a labrador retriever and have an erection that lasts more than four hours
nWo … for life…
No worries RC — rough week at work so I guess I’ve been more determined to be “right” 😛 even though every thing I’ve read isn’t a definite. There are A LOT of girls out there with issues affecting fertility and a lot have irregular periods. I haven’t met one person (outside my mother) who’s been perfectly regular naturally! Endometriosis is one hell of a pain in the ass, especially since you can get endometrial matter wrapped around your bowel (it’s either that or fibroids… I can’t remember). All I get is excessive weight agin when I even think about eating a piece of celery and months and months without a period (which isn’t HORRIBLE).
it’s the endometrial matter pk. i had surgery three times
I love that you always have knowledge on almost all topics Miss PK. My endometriosis is wrapped around my bowel….which causes major pain. I thought I had cancer of the bowel for 3 years before I told my doctor. I passed out from the pain and thought that was a good time to get checked out…lol. The best way to control it is pregnancy. I’m 10 weeks and 4 days now…..still keeping it a secret from the world but since you don’t know me I can share with you all. They’re going to operate when I get a c-section so I only have to be opened up once. (Hopefully)
No way! so this will be munchking numero dos for you?! Congrats, congrats and good luck. My damn ovaries and internal clock are telling me to hurry it up, but I’ve gotta wait for a couple more years.
Holy jesus. That SUCKS, RC. Not about the new baby (congrats!), but the surgeries. I had surgery once and while it was pretty easy considering, I wouldn’t want to do it multiple times like PG 🙁
How old are you, ralmn? I’m nearing the 29 mark and all my effing friends are either married, getting married, have kids or have multiple kids (except NGF), and I’m not even close to dating anyone let alone getting married/having kids. I have this one friend who wrote this whole essay in her blog about how it’s wrong for women to waste their 20s on not getting pregnant. Easy for her — she met her husband and married him in her early/mid 20s.
*sigh* I’ll probably die alone and childless 🙁
Thanks Pain & PK. Take your time to find Mr right PK! I got married at 25, had a son 9 months later and divorced before his 2nd birthday. I’m really happy with my current partner but realistically going into things. I really don’t want my little guy to be an only child (I’m one of 7 kids in my family). With munchkin #2 I’ll be home with my little guy for his last year before school and never have 2 kids in daycare $$$. Also It was go back on the pill and wait out the pain or hop on the good foot….I figure everything happens for a reason and no matter what children are blessings so I’ll have no regrets. That’s just me though….I think there’s a lot of woman out there rushing into marriages and families and waking up realizing they are no longer living the life they had hoped for.
Sorry I meant PK & Ralmn. Also PK…sorry about my preggers comment the other day too…I’m not all high and mighty with my pregnancy…I promise I won’t be on this board or in life. But I’m pretty sick and cry at the drop of a dime….and since no one knows I can’t play the preggers card….I just suck it up and cry in the bathroom…lol….but I haven’t thrown up at work!
Yeah there’s seems to be a lot of societal pressure for people to get married and have kids in their 20’s. :S I say do whatever the fuck makes you happy.
Also, congrats RC.
I’m 28, PK. And actually, I’ve been married and had a full time stepson before I graduated from University. Soooo… married at 22, divorced at 26, having lost out on my 20s, really. And I don’t even get to keep contact with the little dude I helped to raise for nearly 7 years. Now, I know I’m in a much better place, I’m happy, grounded, I wish I had a better job, but I have a lovely boyfriend. And I need a couple of years so that we can settle in the same town, and probably both go back to school… everything is really up in the air. And I’m ok with that for now. Since I’ve already been married and know it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, I’m much more realistic. Be thankful, PK that you didn’t make a mistake, ignore the society pressures and just be happy.
Pregnancy comment…which one was that? OH asking about me stating preggos are entitled? haha, yeah it’s all good. I have a few friends right now who are pregnant and are so freaking excited they’re downplaying the hell they’re going through (heart burn, fatigue, nausea, baby resting on certain nerves causing excrutiating back pain, etc…). Even the whinest person I know hasn’t complained once since her baby was born and he doesn’t sleep AT ALL. All he does is scream for hours and hours. But, I just know that pregnancy bitches get ass raped around here. Like, seriously, is it THAT hard to get up and give your seat on the bus to someone expecting? Fuck.
Anyway…you’d think I’d date more given my distaste for pants. heh.
…ok that just sounded wrong.
are you just baiting Sucks … come on! 🙂
Don’t worry, ralmn — I’ve got my eyes WIDE open on the whole marriage thing. I think the issue is a lot of girls want the wedding, but don’t think of the fact that it’s a lifetime commitment. It’s just getting kind of lonely here in single land! lol
Marty! where’ve you been , mate? We’ve missed you. You on the other hand have not missed much >; )
hey, it’s west coast guy. you have returned at a wondrous time in bitchland. lots of sex/menses chat and a neverending bitch
It is a bitch that never end! yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people starting bitching on it, not knowing what it was! And they’ll continue bitching it forever just because.. It is a bitch that never end! yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people starting bitching on it, not knowing what it was! And they’ll continue bitching it forever just because.. It is a bitch that never end! yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people starting bitching on it, not knowing what it was! And they’ll continue bitching it forever just because.. It is a bitch that never end! yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people starting bitching on it, not knowing what it was! And they’ll continue bitching it forever just because.. It is a bitch that never end! yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people starting bitching on it, not knowing what it was! And they’ll continue bitching it forever just because..
Ok, that’s ENOUGH! Sigh. Welcome back, west coast lurker.
Yeah Marty – Imagine montrealman guest hosting “The View” – IN HELL!
So, uh, can I name your child?
Also Ma had fibroids (I think). Whatever it was almost took that lady away from me. Sad days those were, but alas she’s still here. Thank heavens!
Donk…..you go by Donk, Donkey and Electric Boogaloo. I’m promise to take whatever name you come up with into seriously consideration…but I cannot promise anything sweetie. 🙂
What a load of bullshit. The loser who wrote this was just trying to get a rise; if it was legitimate, she would’ve gone to savage love. No person who was sincere about their sexual concerns would post here, and if they did, they have a fucking hell of alot more to worry about than being aroused by doorknobs. Hear that, Op?
i like sally for a girl and hercules if it’s a boy^^^
You rock, Pain! My two kids have names very close to those.
Huh. I was thinking of kids’ names the other night and sally was on my list (stupid internal clock, what the hell am I picking out NAMES for FFS?).
calm down ralmn. if you get to an age and have no dad lined up…turkey baster^^^
yea well I’ve been bitching with better/more interesting peeps .. umm i mean I’ve been busy with work 🙂 actually just moved …
actually I had a gf like this big time… put a helmet on your soldier and go into to a bloody battle 🙂
I have polycystic ovaries too= have already had 2 hemmoragic cysts rupture which were so painful childbirth was a breeze compared to them. I’m having surgery next week to get rid of another one that is 6cm in diameter. I’m hoping to try again for a baby but admit i am scared after the first because i lost 900ml of blood giving birth. Keep having dreams that i die in childbirth like another woman i knew, but it’s not like i am psychic- and i really want a second child
I don’t actually have any cysts, thankfully. My endocrinologist said the disease’s name is a bit misleading because you don’t necessarily have to have cysts to have it. I just have shitty metabolic/hormonal balance, ffs. And my insulin resistance is so high anyone looking at me would say I have type 2 diabetes along with the type 1. FFSx2.
PK, yer a wreck.
Teasing…. ;p
I like Lily and Nathaniel… jus’ sayin’
Lots of TMI to wade through on this one…
I too, get ridiculously randy when having the monthly, much to my single-life chagrin. But TTFN hit it right on the head, get a dildo. If you’re worried about ickiness, put a condom on it. And you don’t necessarily have to actually insert said dildo to get the job done…*ahem*!
And try to keep the eyeballing or crotches to a minimum, it probably is kinda creepy!
goddamn honey, give me a fucking shout, blood is only thick water. come on down.
and to all the honies here, give ole sucks a holler, i’m free to invite over at that time of the month. let’s get er rockin, when i come knockin.
Try masturbation. That works when I’m a little over-horny. If you don’t want to do that (because of your period) then just suck it up. Everyone who has a vagina is horny like that at times. Get over yourself and keep it under control, it’s called willpower.
and when will power stops, bring in the old suckster, you to lisababe.
My period is 3 days and thank fuck.
Alas, you’ve described my permanent condition. You’re not alone !! LOL
Willpower = non existent in an instant gratification kind of world