Seriously…?

You know who you are. Yes, you. The one who knowingly pulls the chair from underneath me whenever we are in the same room together. And I’m not talking about leaving me shy and mumbling due to some freakish unrequited love bullshit. No. I’m talking about you EVERY DAY bringing up some past mistake, Freudian slip or minor faux pas that has you laughing in the aisles of my life. I have told you on several occasions that it’s so seriously not cool to talk shit about me, and that if it is not relevant or life-saving that you please not comment on how I live my life, do my work, eat my food, etc. Then you took it a whole other step further by insulting my SO. That’s it. I’ve fucking had it with your bullshit. You obviously have some serious Napoleon/Small-Man syndrome going on and likely some mommy issues that you need to figure the fuck out. Have fun in Halifax alone, asshole. -All Your Friends Are Leaving You, Do You Ever Wonder Why?

This article appears in Jun 26 – Jul 2, 2014.