To the people that come to my home acting as though they have the right to convince me I need “God” in my life, you can all go suck an egg! I have a sign on the door that says No Soliciting, and that means no selling “God” too.
Most recently some man came to my door initially telling me that he was collecting money for foreign students to attend Canadian universities. I gave him $4 and was happy to do it, after said man took the money he turned to grab a pamphlet from a bag he had hidden behind his back. He proceeded to force this holy pamphlet on me, once I realized what it was I instantly told him no thank you, that I am an atheist and I was offended that he had revealed his true intent after I gave him money for his faux cause. At that point he insisted that I take it and in his words “maybe this will help you understand” that’s when I drove the document back into his chest and sternly ordered him to go away. He again pushed it back towards me, can you believe this man?! I had to literally take him by the arm and walk him off my door step, all the while he was giving me this look of complete confusion, what balls this guy had, what arrogance!
If Jesus did rise from the grave that means he is a zombie, and damn it I want nothing to do with that crap, keep your medieval beliefs out of my life, it my life not yours! Damn back ass ignorant fools! —Non-Believer
This article appears in Jul 21-27, 2011.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_YIiytNB6og/TbIP…
Don’t worry OB, when zombie Jesus comes looking for brains….you’ll be safe.
I remember hearing a comedian talk about something like this once, (I can’t remember his name unfortunately). He started by saying how much he hated crows. They were always in the trees in his yard and on his roof, crapping on everything, making lots of noise every morning and eating seeds from his newly planted garden. He had tried every known gimick to try and rid his yard of these pests but nothing seemed to work. He noticed that his neighbor never had problems with crows in his yard and decided to ask him what he did to repel them. The neighbor said that what you have to do is catch one of the crows, kill it and hang the carcass in the tree. The crows will sense the death of one of their own and will stay away from the area. So, he tries this technique and low and behold, it works like a charm. So now he has a dead Jehovah Witness hanging from his basketball net and they never knock on his door anymore! lol
Right on Brother/Sister!!
Love this bitch, good for you!
=| Man, what a greeser taking your money with a lie!
I got stopped by one of these people in the middle of a sidewalk once in the middle of the day…. not smart.
I’m an atheist too and I am nice when I say no the first couple of times.. if they get aggressive, so do I 🙂
I would have taken the $4 back.
http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/compl…
It’s almost 19:45 (yes, I use military time) and guess who was just at my door? Buddy didn’t have his bag behind him, but the spiel was the same “I’m from some blah blah Canadian looking for sponsorship cash”. He didn’t get a cent out of me, but was very pushy with the pamphlet. I’m not an atheist, but I don’t like door to door solicitation. The U.K. was in the process of passing a law to make it illegal to cold call you on the doorstep, hope we get it here.
Amen to that ‘no cold calls’ at doorsteps law for the UK. Hope it works better than our so called ‘do not call telephone’ list. And yes it would be a good law for Canada too, even if it worked a bit. The days of door to door solicitation being useful to householders are really long since past.
If zombie Jesus came to my door, I’d convert. Until then, you could always burn the pamphlet in front of him/her if they’re THAT pushy.
..heathen dude..you are so going to hell..just say’n 🙂
I USUALLY TELL THEM THAT I AM A PRACTICING SATANIST, AND JUST ABOUT TO START A BLOOD RITUAL, AND HEOR SHE IS HAPPY TO ATTEND, AND SHARE THE CHALICE OF BLOOD WITH THE OTHER ELEVEN OF US. FUCKING CAPS LOCK IS STUCK.
BLOOD ORGY! BLOOD ORGY!
http://www.morethings.com/fan/south_park/p…
I just get Hub-Unit answer the door au naturale – never fails. His walker adds a nice touch. I still remember the last time – two little old ladies with their eyes popped out of their stalks scurrying away like the hounds of hell were nipping at their sacred heels. Fucking dumb knobs.
My Mother was a person of faith and knew and studied her Bible, it was always interesting when the Jehovah’s Witnesses would come calling as she would argue scripture with them. Normally, she was a quiet person, but they just riled her.
This is how to deal with famine, people are just plain old dying to stick it to the west for propaganda reasons.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-142…
I personally like Robin Williams’ idea:
“The Puritans stayed here and groups broke away from them and then we got the people who knock on your door at 9:00 am on Sunday going:”Have you found Jesus?” You just wanna come to the door nude and go: “No. But come help me look for him! Come on!”
-Pure comedic genius
A lady tried real hard to give me a copy of that Watchtower magazine (is that what it’s called?) on Windmill Road one morning on my way to work. FFS, I am obviously running for a bus, why are you trying to give me your propaganda?
http://svhelden.kilu.de/jpg/witchtower_04_…
I could say so much about this but I won’t. I’ll just say fuck Jehovah witnesses, fuck Mormons, and fuck any other group of people who mandates that their members intrude on other people’s privacy, beliefs and personal business. If what I just said offended you, fuck you too.
Eloquently yours,
TommyJules902
Saw a couple of evangelists on SGR last week trying to trap people into talking about The Lord, damn did they look like dorks with their suits and backpacks.
If only I could spin my head 360 and spew pea soup. What a conversation breaker that would be.
If only I could spin my head 360 and projectile vomit pea soup. It’d be a great conversation breaker.
It’s called the rewrite.
OP, why bother answering the door? He could have been a rapist, murderer, or welfare recipient.
WHy not tell them you’re a Pastafarian & you have just as much proof of the Flying Spagetti Monster being God, as they do about Jesus.
Seeing as neither of you have a shred of proof, the comedy that insues as they indignantly attempt to push their logic on you always makes me laugh (& they hate being laughed at )