Quoth (more or less) a door a few blocks away from my home, on NEON STATIONERY:
Childbirth is a tiring process.
Mommy and baby need their rest and privacy.
So please:
1. Call before visiting for any reason.
2. Make your visits brief.
3. Make your offers of help specific.
Sincerely, the Midwife.
Oh wow. I find this note incredibly passive-aggressive, condescending, obnoxious and rude. It completely dismisses social scruples, and strongly suggests they don’t even exist. Sure, friends and relatives can be a little over-anxious when it comes to beh-behs, but why not discuss your wishes in advance, or during said Rule #1 phonecall? (Really, that’s the only thing the sign had to say: CALL BEFORE VISITING.) Is this new mum some kinda social dummy? Or is she just tickled by her midwife’s hypersaturated sanctimony?
This article appears in Jun 19-25, 2008.
it’s #3 that gets to me…….what, it’s too tiring for the mother to respond the generic ‘Anything I can do to help you?’ with her specific requests? is it so very exhausting to take a second to ponder what exactly you could use some help on, so when people offer, you’re prepared? I think it’d be more tiresome to NOT have people offer to do the things you need, if the only help you get comes when someone pinpoints those exact things. besides, how are childless-but-good-meaning people to know HOW new mothers need help unless they’re told?
I suggest taking a digital photo and submitting to:http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/It's pretty hilarious.
You’re right Jammie.. that’s the perfect place for this note, and some other funny stuff there too…I just love a passive-aggressive that I don’t have to directly deal with…
Maybe mom and baby are ill. Maybe mom is suffering with post prego blues. Maybe baby is obscenely ugly and mom is trying to figure out how to dress it to downplay the fugly factor. I do love me some good passive aggression.
Do you know how many new mothers get frustrated by the family and friends that just decide to stop on by without first calling to see if it’s okay? How many of these people just hang around until THEY feel like leaving, instead of realizing that Mama and Baby probably could use a bit of a break from being the newest attraction? It’s one of the more common complaints I see on pregnancy and new mother boards. Seems like a lot of people dont have common courtesy anymore.Oh and in reference to #3, baby brain is a crappy thing that the majority of mothers or pregnant women experience, it will often leave them a little “in the clouds” so that something that may seem obvious to one person, like asking for help with a specific thing, doesn’t really compute through the molasses thick sludge that can be their brain. Offering specific help can really help them think to that thing and know if they need help with it.
Good point on the “baby brain”. The missus said breastfeeding in particular left her feeling rather stoned. Pleasant but spacey.
I don’t have children, so I can’t appreciate how tiring it is to have a newborn, nor how spacy it can make you fee.Surely though there must be a more tactful way to convey your wishes than posting a neon sign on the door?
COuld be worse. We have people ‘dropping in from out of province, so they end up staying with us for us for days. It’s awesome.Besides, sometimes tact just doesn’t work. A big fuckoff neon sign would do the trick for the people this is probably aimed at.
My all-time favorite passive-aggressive line occurred one Xmas long long ago, everybody at the dinner table, two close-in-age teenage sisters, both in tears, nerves shattered, after a long long day:”I was ONLY trying to wrap YOUR present….”