You were totally looking forward to meeting my friend until you saw what he looked like. He’s a sweet guy who would have treated you like a princess but you wouldn’t even give him a chance because “you’ve always gone out with better looking men.” OK, looks-wise, you may have the upper hand (compared to him), but you’re no 10 and FUCK you are shallow. What a person has to offer on the inside is much more important than looks. Guess you’re never going to find out what a wonderful person you’re passing up after you took 30 seconds to look at five pictures of him and said NO. He’s hurt, but he’ll get over it and find someone with substance. —Superficiality-Hater
This article appears in Nov 22-28, 2012.
Although I can’t stand people who put looks first, there still has to be some attraction. In a perfect world, only personality would matter, but then there’s this thing called the law of Biology, which depicts individuals of approx. equal levels of physical attractiveness tend to hook up. To me, this doesn’t look like some average chick turning down your equally good-looking friend because she wants that gorgeous male model type (she can’t actually get). You even said so yourself, that she was more attractive than him, as were her previous partners. Maybe it wasn’t a matter of her being a shallow bitch, but rather her biological instinct taking over and keeping her dating in her “range”. No, she probably isn’t a 10, but if she’s even a 7 and your friend is barely a 4, then what could you have really expected?
Two 4’s beat a seven!
Hey OP, how did that guy get “hurt”? Sounds like you passed on your friend’s shallow cruel comment. So that would make you…?
Hurt? He should be relieved.
It wouldn’t have worked out anyways…
he’s not vain enough for her.
First, is anyone involved in this bitch fat? Next, if you wanted a friend that would make them shallow for the rejection based on looks. If your not attracted to somebody that does not mean your shallow. I would never fuck a fat chick, I probably couldn’t even get it up for those sweaty fat rolls jiggling around. I have fat friends, but I wouldn’t like a girlfriend thats bigger than me. I’m not shallow, but if there is no attraction then whats the point? Just being with someone to not be alone I think would make you shallow.
Oh yeah the uglies are soooooo sweet. Nah, honey…they all turn out to be useless tools in the end – there’s no difference. Might as well have have something pretty to look at while your tappin it.
Three dislikes about my fat people rant. I guess we in North America are in an obesity epidemic. White people are white, people of other skin tones are referred to by their colour or nationality, skinny people advertised on everything are called skinny, but you can’t call a fat person fat. If a fat person rejects a skinny person shall we take this same attitude and call them shallow?
What I don’t agree with is that it seems like she never even met the guy in person, just saw a few pictures of him. Some people are photogenic, and some not so much. I know very attractive people who take terrible photos, as well, since I’ve dated people online I can definitely say that some very unattractive people can fool you with a photo of themselves.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that their should have been some face time. Who knows, this situation could have gone very differently. Maybe the dude would have met this girl, thought she was a a stuck up bitch or something, and then fled with a sigh of relief at having dodged a major bullet. No hard feelings on either side.
Some people place too much value in digital communication. They’ve begun to judge a person based on their photographs, their facebook page, how they ‘text’, all kinds of superficial stuff like that.
this bitch seems to be a repost of several before. so with that in mind, let her meet the suckster, then she will know she made a big mistake. where are you woggie?
So, because your friend isn’t attracted to a guy who “would’ve treated her like a princess,” she’s shallow?
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
I tried dating someone I wasn’t physically attracted to and he treated me like a princess and I was just creeped out the entire time. Especially every time he touched me. He was a great person, but I just wasn’t into it.
We are attracted to who we’re attracted to and if it ain’t there, it ain’t gonna work out.
It’s not shallow — it’s the way it is.
Personality is the “keeper” quality but, lets face it, physical appearance is the initial bait. It’s just the way it is. Often, people are able to look past the physical, but it’s usually a natural, progressive process that occurs when two people spend some time together. Most of the time it is unplanned and happens without pressure.
I’m sure your friend is an amazing person, but it doesn’t mean this woman is a bad person…At the end of the day, aren’t we all superficial to some degree?
Well, you’ve obviously got the right bait, Nurse >;)
AND that “keeper” quality you mentioned.
Seriously tho, you can call me superficial, but I’m hooked!
Regarding all the fat people hate: I am not fat. I am an average looking – to attractive male in my late 20’s. I have went on dates with fat girls and although I am not attracted to that body type, I treated them with respect and dignity because that is how people deserve to be treated. They are some of the sweetest, funnest dates I’ve had but unfortunately I just wasn’t attracted to them. My point is, yes, looks are important and sometimes over-rule personality. But if you treat someone like shit (to their face or otherwise) based on their weight or physical appearance, then you are far uglier than they are.
This again? If he’s so great why don’t YOU date him? If he’s so great, why does he need you to set people up with him? And if she’s so superficial, why do you want to set him up with her in the first place? You seem to be taking this kinda personally. It’s not.
It’s like saying people who don’t like falafel are superficial. It might be great but it’s not visually appealing and therefore I choose not to eat it. Same goes for women I don’t find attractive.
She just said no,as far as this bitch reads, nothing disrespectful.
“What a person has to offer on the inside is much more important than looks.”
Until it comes time to do the nasty and you’re just.. uninspired. That can really hurt the other person’s self esteem, no one wants some half ass pity sex.
Don’t fucking compromise on your initial reaction – there needs to be a chemistry there or it ain’t worth your time.
When Hub-Unit and I met at my bro’s Xmas party way back, the chemistry was there – we talked about fucking gargoyles for 4 hours and his recent trip to France – and the chemistry’s still very much there after 30 years.
“no one wants some half ass pity sex.”
TJ, there was certainly a time in my life I would have jumped at that. I think a lot of guys still would.
Seriously, physical attraction IS superficial that’s why it is PHYSICAL attraction and not moral attraction or philosophical attraction. I’m not saying it’s all bad. It’s part of what makes you want to meet the person in question.
I believe the issue sometimes is that some people think that when you try to match them up with somebody they find unattractive, that means the matchmaker sees THEM as unattractive which brings forward the visceral “NO!”.
IF there is 1 single thing good about a reunion, its seeing how much people have changed in 25 years !
Those who go solely on looks are either going to be disappointed eventually, or they’ll move on when the looks fade…or change out that narrow view.
But everyones a little bit different & that gives us a spectrum where that old sayin’ ….”there’s someone for everyone out there somewhere” real validity.
Cap’n, you made my night…thank you! 🙂 xo
There is something to be said about the good looking man who all the woman are too critical of personality wise because he’s good looking (call it a woman’s wishing for the “underdog” to win), as well as the mens’ instant assuming that a hot girl is a snob. Most people who always have healthy relationships one after the other are just average looking with a good sense of humor; and don’t talk too much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msez2bsue5c
I’m fat and I don’t give a shit if you like it or not : ) I’m me, I don’t compromise myself and I love it!
Personally I prefer a man who isn’t all that good looking. It only makes people wonder how did he get such a good looking woman like me. BLOW where are you????
here i am woggie, been looking for you. mail me, gotta have a private convo with you about something cool.
Doesn’t matter what size the shape is. If she’s shaped right and she wants it she will get it. 35lbs+ or not. All about the shape.
There’s a compliment for you Blow!
NurseHezz I agree with you personality is important but,it’s looks that attracts your eye to the man /woman. the personality that keeps you intrested.
If the man I’m attracted to treats me with respect and a little romance(?) every one and awhile(?) I’ll love him forever.
What do you want Blow?
“Seriously, physical attraction IS superficial that’s why it is PHYSICAL attraction and not moral attraction or philosophical attraction.”
Nah, I think you’re drawing a pretty narrow definition of physical attraction. Whether or not you bring looks into the equation physical attraction is what it’s all about. You could be physically attracted to someone because they’re funny, smart, charming or in fact just because they’re good looking, it’s just different strokes for different folks. For most it’s a combination of different things. Blind people are physically attracted to others, know what I mean?
Wanting to be attracted to the person you’re sleeping with is not superficial. If I don’t have a satisfying sex life I’m not happy overall and therefore not a good partner. You don’t decide whether or not you’re someone who values looks, you just are. Some people really don’t care that much about looks and that’s cool, good for them, but just because I kind of do doesn’t make me a bad person or superficial. I want to be the best partner I can be to someone and if they can tell that they don’t really get my motor running, that won’t make them feel very good.
I’m not all about looks but they’re on the list. I realize they don’t last forever and that’s fine once you’ve built a bond with someone it matters a lot less but initially I think it’s important to look forward to fucking the person you’re in a relationship with.
Agreed TJ, you do have to attracted to the person you’re sleeping with physically among other things. Yes again, I was drawing on a narrow definition, superficial=”on the surface”. Having an attraction to somebody you don’t know is a superficial thing. You like what you see, let’s see what else is there. Nothing wrong with that. Superficial means shallow as well, I wasn’t using it in quite that context.
My posts really had to do the person in the bitch looking at pictures and deciding that the person in question really doesn’t do it for her. Fair enough but don’t say it’s not reasoning based on superficiality. Looking at pictures and deciding not to date the guy is the essence of seeing things “on the surface”.
If anybody has a “look” or certain race they will only consider at the exclusion of others then the superficiality starts to go to another level. Then IMO the “looks” part starts to take too much importance. But as an initial hook, sheer looks are a natural part of the attraction process.
I always believe that there’s really no definition to physical or initial attraction. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is what we, as people, define it in our minds.
It varies from one person to another. Some people are brain washed and don’t think for themselves and feel that Taylor Lautner for example is gorgeous. I personally don’t find that at all as I’ve watched an interview once and could only watch 2 minutes. I couldn’t do it once I realized that someone can be so dumb!
Some people feel that Taylor Swift is gorgeous and that’s just based on looks. I personally think she’s a bitch in real life based on how she represents herself and the way she acts in public. Some guys out there only look for model material, superficial, air head kind of girls as trophy wives, even though those girls have nothing to offer (intelligence, career ambitions or goals of any sort). Some girls only go for the Hollywood hunk type of douche bag because that’s just who they are, no matter how nice the guy they’re about to meet is or how attractive he may be. I’ve met girls that would only date a certain type of guy regardless of how terrible that person may be.
Beauty to us is how we define it and some people are very brain washed and drawn to a certain type of character.
I’ve had girls reject me based on looks only and I’ve had girls tell me that I’m the hottest guy they’ve been with. Whatever their reason is for rejecting me or accepting me is their own. What matters is that you know who you are and you don’t let that change you. You define yourself. The way I see it is they rejected me for a reason. Some become very clear (extremely different views on various subjects, very shallow, very money driver, which I’m nothing like any of that). The way I see it and I feel the way you should see it OP is it’s really their loss. The people who don’t take the time to actually get to know a person and only base an entire relationship on looks are the ones who lose at the end.
I’d have to say though that I’m very thankful that the girls who rejected me did so.
I’m very happy that whomever I dated I got a chance to meet and date. Simply because you always learn something from those people and you always teach them something. The ones that say no usually have nothing to offer.
I’m not originally from here so most of the ones that said no or the relationship ended because they couldn’t see themselves with a non-white person. Which really made me wonder why bother in the first place. Once I realized that I was very thankful it ended or never happened because they would have made it very uncomfortable and a living hell.
One I dated that actually broke up with me on my birthday when she took me out to brunch for my birthday because she couldn’t see herself marrying or settling for someone from a different cultural and religious background. I’d say about 75% of my relationships with nova scotian women ended for that reason. A few I ended myself due to the fact that I just couldn’t really see a future. You get to know the person and you realize you made a mistake. Like dating a gold digger for example that was a model for a number of years.
I just couldn’t do it. She had no real substance and quality.
I find beauty in a person as a whole and not just looks.
so if you’re not sexually attracted to someone AT ALL and they aren’t physically your type AT ALL you should still go out with them or be deemed shallow?
I dare you op. I dare you to let me set you up with someone. He’s the nicest guy in the world and i promise he’ll treat you like a princess.
Oh sure. There’s a catch. But it’s physical which isn’t important apparently.
Are you game? Or gonna tell me you’re *in a relationship* which i will take as an excuse not to put your money where your mouth is?
Turning down someone after just looking at a photo is stupid…and shallow. And I’ll admit it, I’m guilty of it too, to certain extent.
I got shown a pic, I was rather “meh” about her looks, but was told not to be an ass, and give her a try. Turned out she was a wonderful lady, witty and intelligent, etc. We dated for a while, and I’m glad that I met her.
So, I’ll have t agree with the old addage – “Don’t judge a book by its cover”.