Piss with the door closed Pig

Dearest assholes at my old place of employment,
Thank you for showing me that sexism still is very prevalent in the workplace in 2016. I appreciate this eye-opener because now I know to save all my emails to a thumb drive as evidence.

To you, old bitter, bitchy little man that reminded me of a constipated Walter Matthau, thank you for reminding me NOT to tolerate racist remarks and jokes. Next time I’ll do something about it and it won’t be pretty. Starting my morning off at 6am to hear your crotchety gnarly voice “fuck all of you fucking idiots, I might as well run this place myself you’re all fucking stupid” was wonderful. It really helped me have a stress-free work day. Also, thank you for making me super-uncomfortable with your constant slideshow of women, sexist meme jokes and stories of how you sexually harassed any girl you saw. Cheers to you and your wife.

To the manager who reminded me of a flustered Josh Duggar who needed to get laid, you need to educate yourself, stop being so inferior to women and take a management course. Your management style is the worst I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Wait, could it be because you have ZERO management experience? I think so! Paper pushing and hiding away isn’t being a manager. Also it might help you if you knew how to do your job. Yeah that would be wise. I guess it would suck when the “people under you” knew more than you did because they actually studied when they got home. Sucks to have young, overachieving assholes around, doesn’t it? How dare I do that. Please.

I was embarrassed for you. Oh and BTW the people you “stood up for” who were “complaining about me” talked enormous amounts of shit about you every day, all day and how terrible you were at your job, how stupid and unaware you were of what was going on, and how they would play you. Thank you for showing me that I do have balls and can stand up for myself unlike you. I’m pretty sure before you tell someone to “manage their emotions” you should learn how to manage yours, sir. When confronted with conflict you looked like a newborn baby trying to poop. I literally thought you were going to shit yourself.

To the douche bag ginger who couldn’t shut the door when he peed in the office (oh yes ladies, he would leave the door open, so you might “walk in on him” thinking no one was in there. BECAUSE THE DOOR WAS OPEN—and you can’t see all the way in) and decided to throw your mistakes on me and talking like you’re equal to your clients. Reality check, hitting on women younger than you to make you feel “spry” makes you a loser. Literally a pathetic loser. You’re aging, you’re a douchebag and you know it. You’re lazy, a liar, manipulative and disgusting. Oh yes about that, how’s doing all your own work these days? Must be hard not being able to take all the credit off someone else. You’re a lazy piece of shit. I hope it bites you in the ass one day.

So people, don’t take a job and be surprised if you get sexually harassed, subjected to racism, bullying and bullshit. I’m a tough cookie and even I found it unbelievable. Also don’t bother trying to sort it out, they’re aware and don’t care. Sue them instead.
So fuck you. I hope someone shits in your car. —The bitch that’s over it

This article appears in Jun 2-8, 2016.