The American CDC and the WHO organization have been quietly hiding a pandemic but due to recent leaks within these organizations reports have been circulating and a new pandemic is spreading. It is rumored that the disease was kept hidden because several children of employees are among the infected. The disease is not actually new and has gone on for approximately three years. This disease in women is safe however has proven to be very deadly in males.
Ground zero for this disease possibly started in either Rome or Paris. It’s a variation of a much older affliction but after generations it has mutated into a deadly virus.
Symptoms include a wide range of behavioural lapses. Affected persons are very easy to spot because they have terrible fashion sense. The affected wear tight women’s jeans. Their footwear is also usually only made for women and is very pointy. Their shoes often don’t match and are usually an awful avant guard version of red and maroon. Casual dress is mainly a checkered or plaid type shirt that was cheaply fashioned by linens found within the home. Formal dress usually consists of an ugly and mismatched suit top bought from value village and paired with antique corduroy pants.
Affected may go by stupid handles their parents gave them at birth. Handles they thought were ok. These names include Chase, Skylar, Asher, Moses. These names are meant for things like cats and hampsters.
Affected males display feminine characteristics. They cannot perform simple tasks like an oil or tire change. They listen to terrible music like Mumford and Sons and Dallas Green. They actually believe that Bob Dylan was a good musician and that any of his lyrics made sense!
Once you detect these affected persons the CDC and WHO strongly advise you to avoid verbal contact and keep your distance. Inform the police or other armed organizations. If you find yourself in a close quarters situation do not kick them between the legs. There is nothing there and you will waste your energy. —TC
This article appears in Jun 6-12, 2013.
haha
I’m with you on mumford and sons
So.. when women look ridiculous it’s ok?
Go fuck yourself with razor blades, op.
and fuck you for suggesting a retarded naming convention by the parents is reason to automatically hate the kids who got saddled with names they probably don’t even want.
You are just so creepy it’s… beyond me to even continue communicating with you goodbye.
Another bobble head obsessed with superficiality.
This goes to both the OB and the people they’re discriminating against…
Why’s it matter what you wear as long as it’s clean and covers your parts appropriately?
Everyone has a specific taste in music, so why make it a point of controversy?
Fashions come and go, and only for the briefest moments are they relevant.
What is so important about your ‘image’ that you need to tailor yourself to standards that you didn’t create and aren’t truly representative of your actual identity?
I believe people with an inherent need to conform are lacking in confidence and character depth, thus requiring them to place all value on the surface.
Wear clothes you feel comfortable in, listen to music with sounds you enjoy, and allow others to do the same without subjecting them to your, or others, ideas of what is good/bad/right/wrong.
I can’t wait for someone to post a picture of some “Chase” or “Skylar” holding up one of those insipid “I Need Feminism Because…”signs
Lima Oscar Foxtrot Lima
I see someone else has read ‘Outliers’.
Leave the corduroy pants alone! And don’t you dare tell me not to kick someone between the legs. The nerve of some people.
(I also agree with Crayons; you can’t blame a person for the name they were given by their ‘rents.)
So hilariously true.
Dear TC,
I believe this so called pandemic started in places like seattle or nyc. also, why put other people down for the way they dress and by the music they listen to? it sounds like you were recently trumped by someone with better taste and style then yourself.
i think this op is old. And doesn’t like it. He or she woke up one sunny day and noticed that where once there was smooth skin, there are now wrinkles. Where once there was luscious hair, there are now little grey wires creeping in, here and there.
Where once op was able to bed countless members of the opposite sex? Now finds that the younger ones are getting the attention he/she/it has come to feel was his/her/its god-given right.
Op is out of the loop.
So hesheit blames the loop.
Typical.
op it’s fine if you’re an old, cantankerous reptile. Just have the balls to own up to that instead of hiding behind vaguely homophobic superficiality like the pussy you are.
You forgot to point out ,OB, that there is an involuntary oral tick, causing them to start sentences with “you know”,and add “like” in places where it just shouldn’t go.
So Me0w is back. Great. Time for a bunch of self-righteous, menstruated topics.
nasty crayon, worse than the ob
wrong.
right.
wrong.
again.
let’s take it back to ringside.
right.
right.
right.
Every single person on this planet either tries to do one of two things with the clothes that they wear… stand out or fit in. You could even argue that the people who try to stand out are actually just trying to fit in with other like minded people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpSo-VJTeE8
Kegg, you magnificent bastard, you can ride your fixie on my sidewalk ANYTIME!
Loves me the bloomin Onion.
mmmmmmmmmmm…. bloomin onion.
There are two types of people in this world,OP and those who aren’t OP.
OP don’t be an overly judgement prick.
I’m sorry, is this a serious post? Because this is completely spewing hate from it!
WTF is wrong with people here?!
I guess I’m lucky. I don’t know or have ever known anyone by the name of Skylar, Asher, Chase or Moses. Except for that guy that parted the Red Sea. Bloody show-off!!
This post made me LMFAO…and m_kegg, LOVED the youtube link–@#!%$*! hilarious 😀
It’s all cankles and muffin tops! HAHAHAHA!
I really want to to know how this hipster epidemic is any different than the grunge epidemic of the 90s? I’m not shitting on either style because quite frankly, what other people do is none of my goddamned business and I’m not so high-and-mighty that I feel the need to belittle people over something so stupid; but please, someone explain to me what the fucking problem is? I loved the grunge era and rocked more plaid and torn jeans than I probably should of, but nobody felt the need to write a diatribe about my fashion/music sense. So really, REALLY, what is the fucking problem?
By the way, just because you don’t like a band doesn’t mean they suck. Everybody has their own style and interests and millions of fucking people would disagree with your assessment of Bob Dylan and Mumford and Sons – including organizations that give out awards. So maybe get some perspective and realize that just because people aren’t all like you doesn’t mean that they are beneath you.
P.S. I’m not a hipster but if I were I would still tell you to blow it our your ass with your judgmental bullshit!