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I like eating your pussy. Yes. I love giving it and having you enjoy it… but please… sweetheart… I see you one weekend a month… please… shave that funky monkey when you know you are coming to visit. Having to stop eating to pluck hair out of my mouth really breaks the mood. —Hairballs
This article appears in Aug 8-14, 2013.
64 Comments
Bahahaha! Wow!
What? You don’t like whistling in the wheat?
You’re not a Bushman of the Kalahari?
Tuna Tostada, hold the beansprouts?
these pube bitches, spring up, every once in a while
A delicious break from potatoes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajLt0PFumvo…
i really like potatoes but sometimes i’m disappointed
Word, OB. Any self respecting woman should have that shit shaved. Ain’t nobody got time for women with poor landscaping.
A real man prefers a bush over a bald pussy, bud. What a bunch of whiny pansy’s guys are these days. Wahhh can’t handle some hair! Surprised they can even get some tail…
Either or, do yo job. Don’t discriminate, regulate. The pussy.
haha OP, while your bitch was amusing, you might get better results by asking her if she wouldn’t mind trimming the hedges as opposed to anonymously bitching. Still, thanks for the chuckle.
Great advise Hoist.
If one has an issue with someone speak with them about it;IF they genuinely care about you they will listen.
“Any self respecting woman should have that shit shaved.”
Actually, any self respecting woman would keep their vagina in whatever condition THEY want… shaved or unshaved 😉
LMAO…too funny
Sort of like corn on the cob with the silky strands that get caught in your teeth. Yeah a lot like that.
Oh gross Reg,now I have to go floss. *shudder*
so just shave the most sensitive part of the body over and over again… You do realize if her hair is even remotely coarse, this will cause blisters, bleeding and horrific pain, not to mention tons of yeast infections. Why don’t you bind her feet while you’re at it?
Or better yet, YOU can foot the bill for electrolysis.
Men don’t give a shit about the pain they’re causing the woman, as long as the outcome is gratification for them.
OP why even “play” with this woman if you don’t really care for the way she looks?
Go to a bar or street corner to buy a pussy more to your liking.
Or have a bath ready when she arrives.You both hop in then, you suggest she should allow you shave it for her…..You never know she may be game.
Work it in to your sex weekend OP….There more than one way to skin a cat or pussy .lol
I hate how some men are generalized with other men, it’s sexual stereotyping at its best here.
I wholeheartedly agree Flats, so true
Well… Any self respecting man can decide for himself whether he likes “weeds in the ditch” or not. Ahhhhh self empowerment is a wonderful thing, and goes both ways.
And of course, OB, you’re keeping the boys nice and tidy, right? And cleaning out all that dick cheese before SHE goes down, right?
How a gal wants to keep her kitty is up to her, but I will say it’s just common courtesy to at leadt trim if you expect anyone to put their mouth in that general area.
Goes both ways, really.
Also: batshit: shaving isn’t always that scary. Many have been doing it for years because it’s more comfortable. I feel bad for ladies who experience that horror.
And shaving a bush in the shower is gross enough, WAC, but bush pubes floating around in a bath? *vomit*
..lol..Yes your right PK pube stew would be gross.
CUISINE OR AESTHETICS?
“Having to stop eating to pluck hair out of my mouth really breaks the mood.” Hairballs
But WHY is Hairballs’ mood broken by having to stop eating to pluck hair out of his mouth? Hairballs appears to suppose that it is a matter of eating, a matter of cuisine so to speak, but is this really the case? I think we have to look at the question more deeply. We have to ask about the psychological role played by female pubic hair in the male’s psyche. What is that psychological role? I believe the real reason Hairballs’ mood is broken is the result not of cuisine but of aesthetics. His mood is broken because of the male’s general aversion to female pubic hair. It is not a matter of cuisine but rather of aesthetics. The question then arises as to the reason for the male’s aversion to the female’s pubic hair. What can it be?
Females instinctively know that the male is averse to female body hair in general and pubic hair in particular. Look at the market for depilatories. She doesn’t want body hair on her legs and armpits since they are on public view. Twat hair, since the twat is not normally on display, is less a matter of immediate concern but this is not to say it is of no concern at all. For the female sees herself in the eyes of the male and realizes that the male is averse to hairy twats. But why is this so?
Being male, I can speak with some authority on this matter. It is not so much a case of pedophilia as one might suspect, although Lewis Carroll’s infatuation with Alice in Wonderland does resonate in the male consciousness, but rather it is a case of the idealization of female beauty. In the eyes of the male, the beauty of the female is an object of contemplation. Such contemplation need not be overtly sexual but that does not mean it does not exist. On the contrary. However, body hair and female beauty are, generally speaking, exclusionary concepts in male eyes. Hair is a male sex marker. His beard is to the male as her breasts are to the female. This, of course, lies at the subconscious or psychological level. He may not even be aware of the reason for his aversion to twat hair but, nonetheless, it is there, waiting for the occasion to make its presence known. Its presence becomes vividly known when, in the case of Hairballs, he goes down on his girlfriend. Its like going down on another male and, generally speaking, males don’t like going down on other males.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Lol, i guess I’m in the minority. Most of you like a wooly old, unkempt, pelt. I bet we can all spot the LTWWBers at the beach, they’re the ones with belly bushes trying to escape the confines of their bikini bottoms. Peace, furbabies!!!!
ALICE’S HAIRLESS CUNT
“It isn’t so much a case of pedophilia as one might suspect, although Lewis Carroll’s infatuation with Alice in Wonderland does resonate in the male consciousness, but rather it is an idealization of female beauty.” (Montrealman, 08/14, 10:05AM)
The question, of course, is just how did Alice in Wonderland resonate in Lewis Carroll’s consciousness and, by extension, how does Alice’s hairless cunt resonate in the male’s mind in general? To get clearer about this will enable us to get clearer about the significance of the the hairless cunt plays in both the male and female psyches and, indeed, in our culture generally.
The metaphorical significance of Alice’s hairless cunt, of course, is the fact that it embodies her innocence. It embodies her purity. It embodies her virginity. The virginity of the female in society, even those societies which do not fetishize it and stone the adulteress, is of no small moment. There is no comparison between male and female virginity, a fact made evident in the language itself. Female virginity is prized while male virginity, if not irrelevant, is a blot on his masculinity. So, there is no male equivalent of the “fallen woman,” of the “slut.” Both have lost their virginity and will amount, in many (most?) male eyes to little more than “sloppy seconds.”
That is why Alice’s hairless cunt resonates in the male mind. It signifies innocence, purity and virginity. It is an idealization of innocent female beauty. That idealization embodies precisely those characteristics which females who shave their cunts attempt, with varying degrees of success, to retrieve. That, and not Hairballs’ disappointment on eating his girlfriend’s cunt, is the real reason no doubt unknowingly, he wants her to shave it.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
“ALICE’S HAIRLESS CUNT”
Arlo Guthrie?
“Oh you can get any STD you want
at Alice’s hairless…..”
Sorry.
Blame the fudge.
Bottom line: (pun intentional) dissertations on Alice’s hairless genitalia aside, brush your fingers across an eyebrow, ‘stache, or hairy scalp. Now, do the same thing to your forehead. Notice the difference? I believe this is the best reason ladies shave. If the penis was similarly covered in pubic hair, from base to glans, I am willing to bet most guys’d be shavin’ them things regularly too.
Hahahahaha @ Ivan the restauranteur!
You mean, Ivan the Closet Folkie >; )
I had a bud, 1st year of uni who was a major guthrie fan.
Ducked many a FYP tutorial, playing backgammon, drinking glow and listening to that album.
I will NEVER eat potatoes again! EVER!
How do you guys do that anyway? Blechhhhhhhhh!
ALICE’S HAIRLESS CUNT (II)
RSVPS
: Col. Ivan Sonofabitch (08/14, 12:28PM)
Yes Ivan, it does scan. All together now, “You can get anything you wunt…”
: Oceanchick (12:47PM)
I have followed your instructions and noted that my forehead is smoother than my eyebrows or hairy scalp (I do not have a ‘stache’). But I think you have missed my point. What was that point? My point was that Alice’s hairless cunt which was neither product of some utilitarian requirement to achieve smoothness nor was it simply aesthetic in a superficial sense – does the shaven cunt appear more aesthetically pleasing? (That is a debate for another time.) Rather, Alice’s hairless cunt possesses great symbolic and metaphorical meaning both to Alice and to the male. What is that great symbolic and metaphorical meaning?
As with Lewis Carroll, Alice’s hairless cunt resonates deeply in the male subconsciousness. While Alice’s cunt is cute and girlish – one would like to give it a pinch – it is also is the locus of profound symbolic and metaphorical meaning. It is, in a word, the embodiment of her innocence, her purity and, in the case of the particular matter at hand, of her iconic virginity. Her virginity, in a manner completely foreign to that of the male, is her treasure. To have lost it marks a deep transitional point in her life. She is, in effect, no longer girlish, innocent, pure or virginal. She has become a woman. But what does this mean?
The fertile, receptive female knows instinctively that her power over the male resides ultimately with her cunt since her cunt is metaphorically identical with her being. She is her cunt. So the question is, how is she to maintain that power? How will she entice the male to enter her and fertilize her eggs? What is she to do? What she will do is shave her cunt. In the eye of the male as well as of herself, she will re-animate that power she had as a virgin. Her innocence and purity, if not her virginity, will be born again! That is the symbolic, metaphorical and now the physical meaning of Alice’s hairless cunt.
After that, it’s just a matter of getting down to business.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
I would be totally creeped out by a guy who insisted on a grown woman shaving. wtf??? you WANT her to look like a little girl? blech. creepy. something seriously wrong there.
For those inclined to think otherwise, it should be noted that the genitalia of little girls is not the same as that of a full grown woman. Nor do children have any other features of a fully mature female body. Any confusion between the two suggests something “creepy”, but on the part (NPI) of the person making “that” association. When I see a nude adult who naturally or not is smooth rather than hairy, I see an adult’s body, not a child’s. I don’t get the paedo association thingy.
then you are most fortunate ocean chick
oceanchickpeasis is cool
ALICE’S HAIRLESS CUNT (III)
RSVP
: Oceanchick (08/14/ 5:02PM)
“For those who are inclined to think otherwise, it should be noted that the genitalia of little girls is (sic) not the same as that (sic) of a grown woman.”
Yes, you must rest assured that it has been noted that the genitalia of little girls are not the same as those of a grown woman but I see that you are unable to to go beyond a simple-minded physicalist approach to what I wrote. Using Lewis Carroll’s “Alice in Wonderland” as a conceptual framework, I was not talking about the genitalia of little girls as such but rather – I hope you can grasp this – their symbolic or metaphorical MEANING which was, to repeat, one of innocence, purity and virginity. But I suppose you will not understand that because, clearly, you are unable to understand metaphor and symbolism. As I specifically pointed out, there was never any “paedo association thingy”, to use your elevated terminology.
No doubt your one-dimensional understanding of my point, or more properly your lack of one, prompted your priggish accusation of my being “creepy”. I must “applaud” the profundity of your observation. It corresponds nicely with the “depth” of your understanding.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
nah, pretty sure it’s me that was being called creepy, mm.
As noted by the astute Good dog Molly, I was not in reference to you monsieur. But this “corresponds nicely with the depth of your understanding”, n’est pas?
Un plaisir, comme toujours!
Salut!
GdM: I did not mean to call you creepy. I really meant that the association between grown women’s privates and little girl’s is creepy. I am sorry you have reason to make that association. No offense intended.
well, we can take a soupcon of my ideas and thrown in a dash of mm’s.
I doubt that anyone is so single minded/blind/crazed with kiddie lust that he could mistake an adult woman’s shaved pubis with a 4 years old’s immature parts.
but for me, the idea, the preference for a sexual part to mimic a child’s, whether literally or figuratively ( a la MM’s alice in wonderland symbol of purity and virginity) is very much creepy. adulthood, sexual maturity brings physical changes. one of which is the ‘hey I am ready for sex’ flag of hair in certain body parts. change of colour, scent, secretions. for a supposed adult to prefer all that be erased with shaving, smoothing, de-scenting is to prefer the partner to appear to be below the age of sexual maturity. ew. or as mm said, priggish. like a puritan. or many ‘murricans.
f’rinstance, I certainly wouldn’t be interested in a tiny penis with undescended testicles, nay not even to the point of taking a properly endowed male and asking him to shave, tuck up and shrink wrap.
I have had my share of virgin males and while the enthusiasm is pleasant, the blundering is best left to someone young enough to not notice.
from a man’s pov, why on earth would someone want a virgin female? it’s creepy to the max!
I suppose if one were pretty lousy in the practise of, one would want a sexual partner unsophisticated, ignorant of pleasure, content with second rate. yeah, I suppose.
GMD you are placing a stigma on adults who make adult choices and harm no one. Many adult men shave their faces. So by your logic women who prefer a clean shave (maybe they don’t like the feel of the hair against their face when they go for a kiss? or just don’t like the look of it) are secretly longing for a 12 year old boy? Even if a girl shaves down there, much like a man’s face, you can still see evidence that she does in fact grow hair there. And you know what else? I’ve even come accross a girl who was naturally smooth down there, or at least that’s what she claimed. They had hair, but it was more of that lighter, softer, only visible in the light variety. Pretty sure she was about 26 at the time. Anyways I don’t think it’s cool to shame people for their sexual fetishes. If someone prefers shaved or hairy or in between there’s ultimately nothing they can do about it, who the hell are you to judge? What people do behind closed doors in none of your business.
I don’t get why people post this kind of stuff though. OP, just tell her in a way that makes it seem beneficial to her, cuz it will be, being that you’ll be a more enthusiastic lover. I wouldn’t expect a girl to be thrilled about going down on me if I never took the time to tame the bush, just like I wouldn’t expect a lot of women to be interested in me if I never cut my hair, shaved/trimmed my facial hair or clipped my finger/toe nails.
And if I fall for a girl who happens to be virgin I’m a creep? Again, your logic is just.. not logical.
RSVPS
: Oceanchick (08/15, 11:36AM)
No, you are wrong, it doesn’t correspond to the “depth of my understanding.” They say that the face is the mirror of the soul but I think that language is also the mirror of the mind. Based on your incoherent post (08/14, 5:02PM) – “Any confusion between the two suggests ‘creepy’, but on the part (NPI) of the person making ‘that’ claim” (what can that possibly mean?) – the incoherent state your “mind” is quite clear.
: Good Dog Molly (12:15PM)
GDM, sadly you seem to have been sucked down to Oceanchick’s level of “understanding” with your reference to “the preference for a sexual part to mimic a child’s whether figuratively or literally (a la MM’s alice in wonderland symbol of purity and virginity) is very much creepy”. There is a great deal of difference between figuratively (or symbolically) and literally but it seems it is hopeless to try to convince you of the difference so I won’t bother trying.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
oh tj, go back and count the ‘i’s and the ‘to me’s and ‘for me’ the ‘I would’ and ‘I wouldn’t’ blah blah blah in my comments. you know what that indicates, right?
PERSONAL VIEWS
and yup, I do find it very creepazoid indeed.
mm…… nothing. just nothing.
well i guess that takes montraelman out of the pictur e than .
‘
‘rinstance, I certainly wouldn’t be interested in a tiny penis with undescended testicles ‘
I find it creepy, not to mention judgmental that someone would care about the grooming habits or sexual preferences of others, as long as said preferences and habits are not hurting anyone. How is that different than say, saying that homosexuality or interracial relationships are “creepy” ? Personal view, still, in my mind unnecessarily hateful and discriminatory.
I just don’t get it at ALL. So I meet a girl, I like her she likes me, obviously I have no way, short of asking, of knowing what she does with her pubes. Are you saying that when naked time comes, and it turns out she prefers the hairless look, that I should say “hey, look, I can’t do this, it reminds me too much of an underage girl, I’d feel like a creep if I went through with this.” in order for you not to consider me a creep? That would be a great way to come off as a TOTAL FUCKING CREEP. I’m sick of women like you trying to shame men all the time. A woman’s body hair is her own fucking business, you can’t have it both ways. Your personal view sounds to me like someone judging people for what they choose to do with their bodies in the privacy of their home. It’s bigotry.
If a girl decides she’d rather shave her pubes off, it’s not going to impact whether or not I find her sexually appealing. That doesn’t make me a creep and fuck you for saying it does.
LIke I have mentioned: some females LIKE being hairless. They just find it more comfortable. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I mean, women shave their legs… I don’t see what the difference is because the need to do so has become intrenched as a sign of maturity. Little girls don’t shave their legs, so does this mean adults who do so are trying to look child-like?
gad, do I have to friggin quote myself?????
“I would be totally creeped out by a guy who *INSISTED* on a grown woman shaving”
Is it creepy when a grown woman wants her partner (another grown woman) to shave?
What do you think of my new avatar? Nice, eh?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
As long as she’s a good woman (but naughty), I don’t really care.
“Language is also the mirror of the mind.” This may be so. This week my mind has been reeling from an unexpected tragedy involving someone close to me. If this affects my usual coherency and articulation, then so be it. There is more to these message boards than words on a screen to be analyzed and skewered. It’s called reality.
wants, likes, finds it amusing or quirky, insists, can’t get it up without, doesn’t care one way or another
quite a range. if someone insists or sulks if they don’t get it, seems like their sexual response is dependant on it. (whatever the *it* may be)
some people like their partner wrapped in rubber, or themselves. some people like to be hung by their ankles, wrapped in gauze and twirled like mad while partner stick them with long thin needles. some people have to have the lights off, some on. some people dress up in fuzzy animal costumes. it’s interesting to try to figure out how someone’s sexual response got attached to such oddities, (someone had his first nocturnal emission after a visit to sea world?) but by and large, it’s just interesting, nothing more. people find others who have the same quirks, whatever they may be. not much surprises me and not much revolts me, when there is true consent.
I don’t cotton to anyone who insists their partner do something they may not be willing to do. go find someone else. and don’t make it proof of their *love* for you.
anything hinting of sexual response to a child/childlike behaviour/childlike appearance/innocence/prepubertal turns my stomach. symbolic or literal. if you have two full adults who agree that she should dress up in white cotton panties, mary janes and a pinafore, while he does father knows best may be two consenting adults with supposed no harm to anyone but what the hell is going on? yeah, that’s creepy to me. and I really don’t like the way this appears to be creeping into mainstream acceptance.
RSVPS
: Oceanchick (08/16, 10:01AM)
There is more to these message boards than words on a screen to be analyzed and skewered. It’s called reality.”
Two points: (1) The words on a screen, in this case the LTWWB screen, IS reality and, (2) If you want to hang the “creepy” sign on me I shall respond with more words, more reality on this screen.
: Good dog Molly (10:28PM)
“anything hinting of sexual response to a child/childlike behaviour/childlike appearance/innocence/prepubertal turns my stomach. symbolic or literal.”
Mine too. But don’t try to hang the “creepy” label on me, you creep.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
I did not hang the “creepy sign” on anybody. I hung the “creepy sign” on the association.
nah, mm you are special in your own moist kind of way.
hell, I will fling ‘creepy’ hither and yon with no compunctions. I love that word.
however, I just plunked a vase full of garden flowers on my desk and it’s difficult to muster up creepy associations with the scent of sweet peas in one’s face.
happy Friday ya’ll! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50Qo62s8QNg
RSVP
: Oceanchick (08/16, 2:51PM)
I didn’t make the “association” dearie, YOU did. Try to hang the “creepy” horns on me darling, and you’re in for a rocky ride.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Can you explain why you persist with this nonsense that I referred to you as a “creep” monsieur, when in fact, as explained earlier, it was Good dog Molly’s comment I was responding too? It’s just my opinion. Nothing more. Not personally directed at you o anyone else for that matter. Online threats not required. Merci beaucoups.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhFSmAoGhhc
RSVP
: Oceanchick (08/17, 9:59AM)
No online “threats” but just a statement of fact. By the way, there’s no “s” on “beaucoup.”
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Effin’ nit-pickers. Can’t even answer simple questions directed to them. Too busy trying so hard to be right all the time. Sacre-bleu! Pffffftttttt!
RSVP
: Oceanchick (08/17, 5:23PM)
No dear, I don’t have to “try so hard” to be right all the time. Actually, it comes quite easily to me. My being right all the time, as I see it, is the natural product of my enormous intelligence. The nearest analogy I can think of would be an easy, natural childbirth.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Oceanchick, it is true that MM has superior intelligence to most people of our time, the exceptions being Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, Albert Einstein and Neil Young. Don’t struggle against the MontrealMan, simply accept your misfortunes and do you best to live an otherwise meaningful, if not humble, existence. Also, I found your claim that MM was a nit-picker to be incoherent. There is no evidence that he has ever picked a single nit.
RSVP
: HoistThatRag (08/18, 12:49PM)
Neil Young? You can’t mean that. But yes, your advice to Oceanchick was spot on. Since, based on her showing on Bitch, it appears that a meaningful life is beyond her reach but one can entertain the hope that she will eventually be be able to lead an appropriately humble one. (Very humble.) And you’re absolutely right about the nits. Not only have I never picked one, to the best of my knowledge I’ve never even seen one. Are they connected with scalp infestation, or worse, if you know what I mean? Do you think that Oceanchick has first-hand knowledge of either sort? Or possibly of both?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
I had to read the last couple of posts so I could see how Neil Young entered the Oral Sex topic.
Neil Young is no Andrea Bocelli.