Dear coffee shop-goers,
Please use common sense.
It is a coffee shop. Of course we sell “just normal” coffee. Just because we don’t sell you a double-double does not mean we don’t sell coffee.
When asked if you would like whole, skim or soy, or dark or medium roast, “regular” is not an option. We would not go through a list of possible options for you to just say “regular”. 2% was also not an option. We would tell you if it was.
Also, if you are told that we have two kinds of muffins, don’t ask if we also have blueberry. That was not one of the choices listed. We do not keep a secret list of baked goods that you are able to choose from if you are in the know.
And please be nice. It doesn’t hurt to be polite and say thank you. A smile goes a long way.
—Thanks a latte
This article appears in Aug 13-19, 2009.
It boggles my mind when people ask for a list of what you have, listen to the list you give them, and then ask for something not on the list….
I think if some one is asking for a “regular” coffee and obviously not wanting to play the barista coffee snob game with you, just give ’em the middle sized cup, the medium roast of the least exotic sounding coffee you sell with two milks and 2 sugars. They want a medium double double but they want YOU to sell it to them, not Tim. Give them coffee, take their money.
Dear snooty, holier-than-thou, coffee shop baristas:
If someone orders a double-double… MAKE IT. You know what it is, so why not just pour the damn coffee?
If someone says they want “regular” or “normal” coffee, it means they don’t care what they get, as long as it tastes like coffee.
I’m with you on the “ordering stuff not on the menu” thing though – that’s annoying.
And the politeness thing too, but sometimes you get what you give.
I’ve been guilty of saying whatever is normal for coffee orders but only when I’m sent to get coffee for a bunch of people and they weren’t specific with the order. If I don’t know what Harold normally drinks, I don’t want to surprise him with a dark african dragon roast and soy milk, so I say whatever is most commonly ordered.
But I definitely get the point, and it can certainly be annoying, but I feel as bad about it as you are annoyed.
Since coffee has now evolved to snobbery status, it’s time to curl up with my homebrewed President’s Choice dark roast in a cracked mug.
The word ‘barista’ strikes me as so fucking pretentious – just like their overrated coffees.
Nevermind, why is it that you hate coffee shop workers so much? Any time anything is written by a barista, you always make a point to call them snobby.
I don’t hate them Guava. Don’t get me wrong. I’m only talking to the snobby ones.
I’m a simple in-and-out type of coffee drinker I guess, and I con’t stand it when I get a turned up nose when I order a “large coffee, single cream”, like my order isn’t worthy enough.
One of the funniest movie scenes in a long time:
Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn’t mean large. It’s also the only one that’s Italian. Congratulations, you’re stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?
I think it definately sums things up!
Funny. I went to the Perks on the waterfront and asked for a large coffee….lady gave me “what kind”, so I said “Organic please” only to be told they don’t have it even though it was on the menu. All she had was a medium roast….yeah that’s one great selection down there.
A double-double isn’t a thing. Jesus. I hate coffee drinkers on the East Coast. Everyone has been to Tim’s and thinks they’re the shit. Shut the **** up.
Miles, I get that you just go to these Bitch pages and act like a total tool just to piss people off, so I’m not even going to write about your comment. Except for, get a job? How do you have this much free time on your hands just to be a dick? In actuality, I’m kind of impressed. I hope some day I can do nothing but sit at a computer and be a douchebag to people I’ve never met, don’t understand and will never know my real name. You’re the man, cool guy. See you at the beach.
I get that everyone from around here thinks they know coffee because they’ve gotten a “double-double” from Tim’s, but c’mon guys. Tim’s is the Colt 45 of coffees. You shouldn’t feel proud walking around the street with a Colt 45, and you shouldn’t feel proud walking around the street with a Tim’s cup. Go to a local coffee shop. See the cool stuff they can do, the fresh coffee they can make! Also, and most importantly, start supporting coffee shops that pay fair prices for their coffee. Tim’s, SBucks, 2ndCup – THEY DO NOT. How you can buy those coffees and not feel like an asshole is beyond me. People are literally dying to pick you those coffee beans, how do you not care?
Youtube: Black Gold. It’s a documentary on the coffee industry. It’ll take less than an hour of your life, and maybe you won’t say something stupid like “I’ll have a double-double” again.
F***.
I wonder if they have Barista get togethers where they take a typhoid dump on the customers and regale one another with tales of whimsy by laughing at some clod who had the gall to order “just a coffee”?
Single single= one cream, one sugar, double double= 2 creams, 2 sugars, trible trible= 3 creams, 3 sugars… Duh!
Wow, I’m not sure anyone ever really gets mad at Miles, and I’ve definitely never seen someone mad enough to make their name a personal insult to a “[person they’ve] never met, don’t understand and will never know [their] real name”. Who needs the life? (dick) and their obvious coffee obsession.
So we’ve gone from coffee snobbery to east coasters don’t know how to drink/order coffee to saving the world with our coffee choice in one morning. awesome
I guess the poster above is wrong! The Double-Double is a real thing. It says so in the Canadian Oxford Dictionary.
Coffee does not matter. It shouldn’t cost more than a buck a cup no matter how good it is. Corperate and private cafes that have made the 3$ cup of coffee the norm are scammers/geniuses.
Ha ha ha ha…That’s Awesome!!!
I don’t have a job. Certainly not a cushy unionized government job in front of a computer that takes me all of 1hr to finish my work for the day. No, wait…I’m just being a dick, I’m actually on vacation, that’s how I have so much time to comment on bitches. Permanent EI vacation that is. Thank’s a latte miles2 for paying my salary. Nah, still just messing with you, I’m actually a professional dick. The coast pays me handsomely just to incite rage amongst the readers.
Thanks for the love. see you at the cyber-beach. 😛
Someone needs a coffee.
Wow… Just wow.
I am pretty sure I wouldn’t smile and say thank you if everything I wanted wasn’t available. I mean, sometimes I don’t want to make a jillion (thanks Mole Rat 🙂 decisions–I just want a coffee. But, generally I do appreciate choices, so why can I choose between numerous blends of coffee and how I wanted it prepared, but with the whitener I can only have milk with fat, no fat or no milk (soy)–2% is a compromise many people make. The ordering of something not listed would be annoying though. It could be the customer had zoned out by the time you got to muffin selection. I mean, they had just listened to lists of coffee, prep and whitener choices while sliding further and further into caffeine withdrawal.
“Fair trade”? Surely you jest. It’s a trademarked name. Ask Juan Valdez if the plantation owner is paying him any more. Nope. He carries on just as he always did without any outside news to have any idea what “Fair Trade” is.
that guy who made the miles troll account is so fucked I don’t know where to begin. yes we all know (or should) that Tim’s coffee is garbage. But what does that have to do with “barrista’s” (which makes it seem like you have a job that breaks the $10/hour mark) being shitty to customers who ask for 2 cream 2 sugar in a way that everyone in this fucking country can understand. Anyone that thinks they’re special because of their coffee drinking habits has a real false sense of self worth. It’s not caviar, its not a fine wine, its a fucking 2 cent cup of joe god damn it.
Lol….Miles rules, you drool.
Having said that, the people who shit on baristas come off, to me, just as “snobby” as they think all baristas are. I have been a barista and I’ve worked at Timmies. Timmies sells coffee, and places where baristas work sell coffee AND specialty drinks. No one is forcing anyone to get coffee from establishments that SPECIALIZE in specialty drinks. It’s not the barista’s fault that you don’t know the difference between dark, medium or light roast. He/she is probably just catering to her average customer, who DOES know. Here’s a thought: next time a barista asks you which roast you prefer, instead of getting all scared and nervous and being like “a regular! just….a regular!” just fucking ASK what is the difference. Some baristas might look down their nose at you but many, if they are professional, will be happy to answer your question. And you might even learn something! Wowzers.
As for the barista/coffee slinger distinction, a barista is called that because he or she knows how to make, and hopefully make well, all the different specialty coffees that you have not come to order, but that other people do. They use machines that are somewhat more complicated than “push button, coffee appear.” That doesn’t make them super special people in the service industry but I think it can be argued that they have a specific level of knowledge that is more detailed than that of the average Timmies worker.
The only point of agreement I have with the knee-jerk reactionaries is that knowing all the coffee terms and special words for small/med/large sometimes does come off to me as just being a big coffee nerd in some kind of elitist secret coffee world. When I was a barista I worked in the kind of coffee shop where people would order a “large latte with skim” and that was that….I was very paranoid that some day someone would come and order stuff with all the jargon and I’d be like “durrrrrr….can you use regular language.” Even though I did make an effort to learn the terms.
I just realised, I’m a Barista – we have one of those never ending coffee machines in our office and you get to put as much sugar and cream or milk in it as you like. Maybe I need to buy a pair of cheap black pants, a cheap black shirt, some hair gel, a grad certificate from NSCAD, a little piercing, cop an attitude and tell myself to fuck off with the double double?
Out of desperation for work I’m considering becoming a ”barista”. Worth it? No?
Dino, working in the hospitality business can be interesting and fun, but it wears on you. Many servers burn out after a few years. But, as a temporary solution, and with your charming personality with its laid-back sense of humour (as I perceive it through your postings), you would do great.
wouldn’t a “trible trible” be a coffee with 2 annoying furry little space gremlins in it?
read my mind mosley…
In my mind, there is no reason for snark on either side of the counter. A little patience goes a long way. Sometimes people get overwhelmed / nervous when they’re ordering coffee and don’t know what to say (because every where you go has a different word for the in between sized coffee) but it doesn’t mean that they’re out to get all the baristas in the world. And just because a barista / coffee slinger doesn’t understand quite what you mean by “regular” doesn’t mean that they’re a snob, either.
On a separate train of thought, can someone explain to me what the point of drinking a “triple-triple” is? I mean, aside from a diabetic coma? With all that cream and sugar in there, I just assume that the drinker doesn’t like coffee if they need all that garbage to cover up the flavour.
I CANT BELIEVE HOW MANY REPLIES THIS GOT…..
ITS FUCKING COFFEEEEEEEEEEE
Coffee is srs bizness.
Hi Jennifer :)…I order a triple-triple in an extra large coffee when I am out. I started doing it after having been served a run of slightly burnt coffee. Now, I just consider it a dessert/treat. At home, I use milk and barely a single sugar.
For the amount of coffee I drink, I really wouldn’t know how to ‘properly’ order something… I just drink it til my piss smells like spam preservative.
My morning cup of coffee is the best thing in my life right now … coffee is definitely serious business!
I have to admit that 1) I HATE TIM’S COFFEE SO MUCH I WILL DO WITHOUT IF ITS THE ONLY CHOICE !
2) I have found that the coffee at McD’s isn’t bad at all.
But I only drink black coffee, don’t matter where else it is.
So all the triple, double, mocha,sprinkle tinkles& foam…is just greek to me !
I am polite first thing in the morning…I’m still asleep, I have never been in any kind of ruckus in my entire life while sleeping.
So just give me a damn black coffee & take my money, & keep all your choices to yourself.
Oh, & thank you.
Now I do have a question . All the sugar & cream, milk,soy etc. costs the store extra money, they leave room in your cup if you have to ‘fix’ it yourself… why do I pay the same as everyone else, when I get my black coffee ?
Not only do I not use up your sugars, milk, etc. but I still have room in my cup for it…why ? in case I change my mind after 35-40 years of drinking it black !
I’m getting ripped off, next week I’m going to dump a dollop of milk & 2 packs of sugar in the garbage… just to get my moneys worth 😉
The coffee costs next to nothing, More. You’re paying for the cup. Try asking for a large coffee in an extra large cup. They’ll charge you for the extra large (usually).
He should ask for a large coffee in a small cup then. They will charge him less for the cup and they should fill it right to the top.
Nevermind- I usually just use my refillable cup, except the rare occassions I forget it cause i’ve taken it in to wash it (I don’t do that very often). But I have to say, some places give me a pause, when you see the little waitress pouring my coffee in a paper cup & then dumping it into my cup! ! !
I am just guessing, but maybe they’re suppose to get so many coffee’s out of a pot.
But I really find it kind of futile, if I’m using a reusable cup & i’m still causing a paper one to be tossed out !
Hey, gotta go, it’s after 5 & its happy hour just down the street, & they ain’t serving coffee 😉
I love you, Miles. Call me sometime.
Also: Dino — I got hired as a barista at SB last fall. I declined the offer after I decided to go back to school, but it seemed like a friendly place to work. The manager was great and the other people working there are all super when I go down there (my favorite barista EVER works at the location I go to — he’s a sweetie and gives me extra syrup when I get an iced tea latte!) So, it’s worth a shot.
Also: what kind of coffee shop doesn’t offer 2% to its customers? I thought 2% was pretty standard in the world of dairy *shrug*
Whaddya mean, the ain’t no such thing as a “regular” coffee. Ever been to New York? Everyone there knows a regular coffee is 2 cream, 2 sugar. You don’t wanna say all that, so you just say “I’ll have a regular”. Regular coffee! Everyone knows that. Whassamatta with you?
(The above paraphrased from a classic Joe Flaherty SCTV sketch).
…Okay maybe I just haven’t been to a lot of coffee shops in Halifax (makes sense as I’m not big on drinking coffee) but every local shop I’ve ever been to doesn’t ask you how much milk and sugar you want because they don’t put it in your coffee for you. They have a little table with everything on it and make you do it yourself.
so…
Fuck baristas. You’re not special b/c you sell ‘espresso’ or wear an overpriced smock.
You’re just a CSR with a fancy term. Guess what, so do carnies.
From Weird Al’s new song “Craiglist”. 🙂
An open letter to the snotty barista at the Coffee Bean on San Vacente Boulevard:
I know there were twenty people behind me in line,
But I was on a cell phone call with my mother.
Didn’t you see me hold up my index finger?
That means I’ll order my soy decaf hazelnut latte in just a couple minutes.
So what’s with the attitude lady?
No tip for you!
okay..okay…. I work at Starbucks… does anyone want to ask me anything??? ANYTHING: go.
ps- i like my job, when ppl say “regular” they get a medium light roast and i dont say shit, i hate when ppl ask for a double-double… do u go into a mcdonald’s and ask for a “whopper junior” ?
Last time I checked “double-double” isn’t copyrighted or trademarked.
And yes, why is your coffee so raunchy, bitter and taste like shit. I’ve had better coffee at police stations and we all know how crappy that is.
Ew….sugar in coffee is nasty…I order a large coffee triple cream (yes, you read correctly, not milk, CREAM)…and it is so yummy!!! McDonald’s coffee is good because it’s Seattle’s Best Coffee, which is yummy! Starbucks tastes burnt and no matter how much cream I put in it, it isn’t yummy.
Holy fuck, this bitch is making coffee ordering so complicated. How about this, the Tim addicts keep going there and the coffee snobs keep going to Baristas. No inter-mingling!!! Deal? 😉
I don’t see the big deal…every little shit-hole truck stop in North america can do it, why not you? Have a pot of bog-standard Maxwell House farkin little Juan coffee on hand, and when some asks for “normal” coffee, well, snap to it!
If the frickin’ Big Stop can do it, why not you?
Also, bars should all have ONE beer that is simply known as BEER. So when they ask what I want, I can just say beer.
If I want some sour old Halifax beer micro-brewed in a rusty old pirate’s footlocker from a mix of rum and gunpowder, I’ll ask for it…otherwise, “beer, please…”
In honour of this barista, I will not issue transfers on the LINK bus to anyone unless they ask for a perdedor. Maybe then I’ll understand this bitch.
My daughter is pissed. She worked in specialty coffee shop about 6 or 7 years ago, and never knew she was supposed to have a title. Two weeks intensive training, specialty training, even all the stuff you ever need to know a bout the bean, and the history of it. She would come home and regale the whole family with coffee specific tidbits that were amazing. She even had to wear the black outfit… but alas no Barista title..nadda, zip. Just a nametag. She has a friend who works part time at the same chain, and she calls herslf a Barista…my daughter wants her Barista status! When did they get that? The same time stewards and stewardess’s became flight attendants? When garbagemen became sanitation workers? Hookers… sex trade workers? Criminals… offenders? Or when the bosses secretary morphed into an Executive assistant? …who knows…Barista it is I guess, but what was it before that? My daughter uswed to say “I work in a coffee shop”
Alas she is not willing to wrap up her current carrer to go back to her high school minimum wage years, but now she tells people “I used to be a Barista ya know!” Who knew? I know my Italian is a tad rusty, but last time I checked, Barista means bartender.
But seriously folks, I think most of this issue is one of mistaken identity by the Tims crowd. Most of them are not going to wander into the green machine looking for a blah-de-blah-de-yumki borldelen vendi latte. They just want a cupa joe. They foolish asumed because the sign said “coffee” they could just walk in and order a “familiar” cup. Typicaly they are not converted or enlightened, and never return the the house of confusion. I sadly only have two cups to start my day, both in my boxers in front of the idiot box, so I rarely visit coffee shops of any stripe unless travelling. My own personal experience with the green machine is I gave them two chances to sell me a “regular” cup of medium roast columbian, and it sucked horribly, so it wasn’t a very fair trade of my hard earned cash for their inferior product.
…and BRoc…common sense, one would think.
Frosty , when I go into my local pub, I don’t have to say anything….they see me & they pop the cap on my beer & start me a tab 🙂
I like to go where everybody knows my name 😉 lol
Tim’s crowd: Go to Tim Hortons if you want a Tim Hortons Double-Double. There is one on every fricken’ street corner in this province.
Baristas: If somebody orders a DOuble-Double or a regular coffee, pour them a tall medium rost and point them toward the cream/sugar stand. No questions, just MAKE THE DECISION FOR THEM and quit whining about on this bitch. Clearly they dont care and just want some coffee so just give it to them. If they dont like it, they wont come back and everybody will be happier.
More…you’re lucky, mate.
I had a pub like that once, except when they saw me coming they got out plastic cups and hid the tip jar…
;-(